I'm 23 years old and I just moved to MD from PA after I got my master's degree for a job opportunity. Before I moved, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Now, I'm moving on and I have a girl in mind to try to hang out with and see what happens....

She lives in Jersey and I'm in MD. We graduated college together and we still chat over facebook once in a while (which is always instigated by me, just saying hi and joking and stuff). I always thought she was pretty, but I was never able to explore anything with her because I had a girlfriend. We're friends with some of the same people, so a social setting would be fun, but i want to try to get her to hang out with me. How could I get her interested enough to be willing to make the trip to MD (1/2 hour north of DC)?

Here's what I had in mind...

Her birthday's tomorrow. Through texting and facebook I'm thinking of inviting her to come to visit one weekend and we can do the whole tourist thing in DC or something. After that I'm thinking of buying some sushi grade fish and making a sushi meal when we get back to my apartment...maybe with champaigne or wine? And I already know she likes sushi, so no real chance of that failing.

Now, I've read the forums a little and I know that everything I just said "Adds value" to her and I need to make her feel she isn't worth my time, isn't good enough, etc. but I just don't know what else to do. What would you guys recommend? I'm not looking for an immediate girlfriend, but just to get her interest enough to come visit me and see what possibly happens.

sounds like your pretty keen. sushi and everything at yor apartment is good,but kind of obvious you want to make a move on her if its only the two of you. if she digs you then thats all good, cos itll make her want to make a move on youcos she'll know she will get you. although, if you feel she might not be that into you, then i'd scrap the whole apartment thing. the best thing to do is no plans. spontaneous. if you plan it, the girl knows you want her, if you dont then you look cooler and more relaxed in her eyes, whilst at the same time you look like you not really too fussed.

my suggestion is to go to a sushi train restaurant or something if your that keen on the sushi thing. then just walk around and stuff. your on the money with the whole sight-seeing thing, thats a good one. but your first move has to be holding her hand. thats the easiest way for you both to know whats going on, because its not too full on, its cute and makes you look like a nice guy. if she holds your hand back, then give her a kiss after an hour or so.

good luck mate, hope my reply isnt too late!

cheers, h.

Well, her birthday's today and I was thinking of offering it as "A weekend when she's free", so there's no rush for doing it today. I'm just trying to think of how to do it. Here's what I'm thinkng...

I just started talking to her again on saturday because I was out in Philadelphia celebrating our friend's birthday. She started texting me to see how our friend was doing, and eventually I asked her to come out. Ultimately she said no because she had work the next day. Now, at this point I didn't know it was her birthday, so I thought nothing of her not going out for her own birthday.

now, since everybody's writting on her wall on facebook, I'm thinking of shooting her a text saying something like "Happy birthday. I can't believe you didn't go out this weekend to celebrate your own birthday. You gotta do SOMETHING for your own birthday."

When she responds back, I'll write something to the effect of her coming to visit me and we go to DC.

What do you think? I'm trying to stay off facebook since everybody's already writing on her wall, maybe to differentiate myself from other people. Do you think this would work? Is it lame? What would you guys do?

yeah, youve got the right ideas mate. you just need to be re confident, i mean, its always good to know that other people agree with what your doing, but you seem to know exactly what to do, your just not confident enough in yourself. you should be, because your doing everything right. and thats a good idea to stay clear of facebook, because everyone gets dozens of bday wishes on their profile, so they dont want to have to reply to all the questions... maybe wait and make sure your the last, even a day or two later... that way it would seperate you from everyone else in a literal sense.

anyway, as i said, youve got the right ideas, no doubt you can sort it out for yourself, so good luck. and seriously, try and do it yourself, cos its like learning to swim, the best way is to get thrown into a lake.

ciao, h.

_________________
live the dream.

...

Sorry about that last post. I was just testing because it hasn't let me post for some reason. I'll post again in a little bit with an update and tons more questions when i'm done at work...

in the mean time, any advice for taking a first date to DC as a birthday gift for her? How do i stay out of the buddy zone? How much do i pay for? Should i go a week before just to know where we're both going, or should I be "Lost" with her?

In order to spark romantic interest, you have to create sexual tension. This is easier if you're not yet in the friend zone. You'll have to kino-escalate and use sexual framing, without coming off as needy. If you're already in the friend zone...well, good luck:

http://torontospeeddate.com/wp-content/ ... 049c_o.png

Something to respond with if you hear the four dreaded words "let's just be friends":

"I'll take what I can get, but that's not going to change where I want to go with you"
-courtesy of Vinuzzio

"Well, I can't promise you that. And real friends don't categorize each other like that, now do they?"
-can't remember the exact wording or where this is from

Out of the friend zone is something I'm working on myself. The same basic principles of escalating and framing apply, though you might have to state your intent more strongly. Anyways, be confident and show it.

A helpful topic on sexual attraction: sexual-attraction-explained-in-depth-vt40419.html
Is the present: a) the trip to DC an sich, or b) your company? If it's the latter, I would go by the etiquette and pay for dinner or any other significant event, since she's being offered. Otherwise I'd keep her off her pedestal and treat her as an equal (as in not supplicating by acting as her credit card). If it's the former, I'd at least pay for her traveling expenses and any special activity.
If you want it to go smoothly, you have to know you're doing. I'd definitely plan beforehand. You could also take her on a "spontaneous adventure" while having something planned, as a fallback.

_________________
--pulling the strings--

I don’t know if I’m in the buddy zone. The last we actually saw each other was back in our senior year of college, about 2 years ago. We worked with only each other in a group which required us to go out and do some stupid community service with each other a few days a week. During those times, we had great conversations and got along really well. At that time, I had a serious girlfriend, which I haven’t had for about 3-4 months.
Over the last two years, I’ve sent messages over facebook just to joke around and say high, but I haven’t seen her since. I’m now trying to talk her into driving like 4 hours to go to DC with me, so far it seems like she wants to go. Here’s my story so far….
Two nights ago I texted her and said happy birthday and talked about how she didn’t go out for her birthday this past weekend with us (ie. Our mutual friends, one of which, Dan, was celebrating his birthday as well). After asking what she’s going to do to celebrate, I mentioned how I live close to DC and she seemed excited, so I invited her to come down and go to DC with me. That was when the text responses went from really quick to almost an hour apart (maybe she was really busy at that moment, or she felt uncomfortable?)
Anyway, when she responded, she asked if our friend Dan could come. Now, her and Dan dated briefly during freshman year, over 5 years ago. This doesn’t threaten me since they’ve remained friends and have both moved on and dated other people, but why ask if our friend could come? Does she know I’m asking for a date and she feels uncomfortable? Or does she just think this is a friend thing?
I tell her what Dan honestly told me, which was that it’s nearly impossible for him to ask off of work and that this past weekend was the first time he’s been in Pennsylvania in over a year. But I tell her that it’ll still be fun if he can’t make it and that she should come anyway.
After another hour, she responds with ok, I just need to ask off a Sunday from work. I say ok and that any weekend will probably be good for me. No response for the rest of the night….
7:30 next morning she text back and makes a joke about inviting somebody else (long story, but it’s just a joke). But this time she’s still talking about coming to visit…
After that we text like crazy, just talking about work and life and random shit tho…
Where do I take it from here? Should I just wait on her to get back to me with her day she can ask off of work? Or should I send a text in another day or two trying to playfully ask/push her to ask off? Something like “Hey, I’m itching to go to DC. When can you get off work?” Is that lame, or is there something else I can say to get the same point across?
How do I MAKE this a date and not a friendly visit, and yet still not adding value to her and spending crazy money on her and doing stuff for her?
One Idea I’m thinking of is paying for her train ticket, and when she offers to pay, pretend like it’s no big deal, which it really isn’t, but offer to have to buy me a drink if we should stop for dinner, which I’m planning to find a sushi restaurant. Maybe she can buy a round of saki?
What’s your guys’ advice?

Any advice from anybody? Any help you guys have to offer would be GREATLY appreciated...

Ok, my computer at my apartment crashed, so I can only use the computer at work to check this, and i'm about to head out.

Please, if anybody has advice or information on this over the course of the rest of the evening, please feel free to offer it. i'll take any constructive criticism or advice i could get. Thanks.

I thought about something else last night....

She's really looking to get a teaching job, not because she likes kids, but because she really likes education and teaching. Would a museum in DC be a good place to go?

I'm thinking dinner at a sushi place, and then a trip to a museum. Sound like a nice time, or lame?

Let me direct you to this post.

the-ten-commandments-of-the-first-date- ... highlight=

^^Even though its humorous, its actually very true! Take her out somewhere you would enjoy. Otherwise the link sums it all up. Enjoy.

It's funny that you posted that because I came across that a couple days ago. It makes total sense.

But this is a bit of a different situation. This isn't just some chick that I've met yesterday. I've known her for a while and it's kind of a birthday trip thing.

How would I be able to apply those rules to her driving from Jersey to DC to visit me for her birthday? How do i not be a friend when she comes down?

This might be a failure...

We started texting again this morning. Now, we're both at work, but there's usually not more than 20 minutes between each response. I followed up on the DC trip, asking when she might be able to get off work to come down....

over 3 hours and no response yet....

Yeah, i'm thinking add one more to my fail list and move on...

what do you guys think?

I think you need help haha. Ok from what I remember about your post (Im not going to re-read it) your not quite in the friend zone but your headed there. Stop the txt game, its stupid in my opinion. Ive always felt that txt game and email is so insincere. Call her the hell up and make concrete plans. Idk where shes going or where your going but make plans to be together. If shes coming to you, take her somewhere you feel comfortable. KINO is your friend. Sexual Tension and teasing, with a strong sexual frame will get you the results you want.

Stop looking at it like its a failure. Call her tommorow, and ask if your plans are still on. If she sends you a txt back, call her. Tell her your phones acting stupid, say you miss her voice, anything.

Get confident, and dont be another one of her girlfriends.

^^Re-Read the commandments, they work if you know the girl and if you dont. Just put yourself into a sexual state and kino escalate. Calibrate yourself via push pull, and work at a pace that she is comfortable with.

If all else fails, blurt out your feelings for her. An honest man is a lucky man.