So, a little background first: I'm brand new to this forum, but I'm not a total AFC (read, been laid before). I am currently living in Korea.

So I met this girl Korean girl under the guise of a language exchange. I immedietely started flirting with her, cracking jokes, negging, etc. while we mostly neglected what we had arranged to do. We had another lesson, and then I invited her out with my friends that weekend. I thought the date went well since she was reciprocating the kino I was giving her. However, she had to leave early since she had a test the next day (grad student.) Since it didn't go as well as I hoped, I decided to kinda blow her off for a little while and let her think she had fucked it up. She called and texted me the next day, I waited a while to respond and was a bit distant. She called a texted me the next day which I blew off entirely. The next day same thing, but I responded this time. She insisted we get together for dinner. I suggested a place near my house. We have dinner, I continue flirting etc. and suggest we go back to my place. I make a move on her and she rejected. She made it clear she was going to stay, asked to smoke a cigarette, and asked me for a cup of tea. I made several more moves on her while she stayed at my place, and she turned all of them down. She moved away slightly after any kino attempts. We had another lesson the next day, and again, she rejected my advances. I've been ignoring her the last few days, and she hasn't reinitated any contact. How can I turn this around? Am I stuck in the friend zone? Should I just move on to another girl? Any advice on this would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hey man

I have had some trouble in the friends zone. But i am unclear on a point. Are you guy friends now, does she like hanging out with you? Does she call you up and ask to set up suff? would you call her a friend?



Young_PUA

I would call her a "romantic interest" at this point. What I'm unsure of is what she considers me, and I wanted some insight about her behavior to see what it indicates.

I've been establishing attraction with her, making her laugh, seductive looks, kino etc. The last couple days I've blown her off and she texted me back and seemed somewhat irritated that I didn't respond to a message I never got.

she does enjoy being around me.

she has called to set stuff up before.

First off, I think the going for dinner part actually made you go backwards. You obviously had a spark and what happened is you sat down and broke off all the kino and sexual tension, went into 'date pattern' and had some polite conversation. When you went back to your place, the fact that she was 'rejecting' your 'advances' means the whole situation was wrong. She should have nothing to 'reject' because there should be no sudden 'advances.' There should be a smooth transition up the kino ladder from arm touching to back holding to kissing all the way up to sex.

If you're the one breaking kino first, and you make sure you freeze out every time she gives you an IOD after a kino escalation, she will come back eventually and WANT you to escalate more. You kept pushing and she kept rejecting, meaning that she was put in the position of wielding the power by using physical intimacy as the tool of your domination. You should have escalated smoothly, but failing that, you should have definitely done freeze outs the moment she resisted.

Thanks blondguy, that's some pretty good advise. I'm still relatively clueless as to when is the right time, and how to escalate properly. I did realize however, that she didn't seem to notice the touching when I am talking to her, and when I'm not talking to her and doing it she seems to put up her wall.

I believe I did a type of freeze out, in that I blew her off for the next couple days and she reinitiated the communication.

Okay, so.....is this salvagable, or am I stuck in the friend zone and should move on elsewhere?

The fact that she reinitiated is a hopeful sign that she is still interested. Take it as an IOI and meet her again. This time make it a place / event where you have the opportunity to kino escalate. I think the going out with friends thing is a good one. You can show all kinds of DHVs like preselection and having cool friends, and you can break off from the main group and comfort build one on one later in the night. Remember to work your way up the ladder smoothly, never look where you're kinoing, and always break kino first. Anytime she seems uncomfortable w/ kino or moves away, break kino completely (i.e. don't go back to the previous comfortable place on the ladder). And then re-initiate in a minute or two when things are comfortable again.

Really try and get solid comfort first (i.e. connect on a few deeper levels, e.g. about family, about your goals and aspirations in life, etc.) before you suggest going back to your place "to show you those photos I took on my trip" or whatever, and have the freeze out in your pocket in case you get LMR. A freeze out is, for example, if you are kissing on your couch, and you move to take her dress off, and she says "no." Just be totally cool with it, get up, go to your computer, change the music, etc. Totally break contact for a minute or two, then come back and re-start. Don't be angry or nervous or offended.

One thing do you have to watch you for is cultural differences; even though Westerners have all seen Full Metal Jacket - the "me so horny, me love you long time - 5 dorrah".. will always be instilled in our minds..

Realistically it is not like that at all.. even though there are hookers in Korea.. Most Asians are very quite reserved because casual sex isn't a flourishing part of their culture. Even though she may have wanted to have a relationship - advances in a sexual nature (without being in wed-lock) are a disrespect against a sort of family code/honor..

-Illusionist

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