let me tell you a little about myself.


Im 27, pretty successful, am in great shape, good looking, have a pretty good social network and my problem is that im a bit cautious when it comes down to communication, very anxious but i hide it really well by not saying much.


don't get me wrong, i've dated hot girls but the thing is they've always made the first move on me...



Last night I was leaving the club when this girl coming in recognized me and went for the hug to say hi and i seriously had to ask her where i knew her from because i don't recall ever meeting her. I guess I was introduced to her for a quick minute a month ago at a club and forgot her immediately and when she told me I still coudln't remember but shes very attractive and sweet and recently available (I asked a million questions about her from my friend who knew her after we left) and she seemed like she was into me.


I walked her and her friends in without having to pay and she said she was cold so i let her wear my peacoat for 15 minutes while she convinced me to stay for just one shot of tequila before I left and as soon as we all walked over to the bar she immediately asked where the bathroom was and left me alone with her two girlfriends who were telling me how muscular and handsome i was while I ordered the drinks and after 7 minutes or so she comes back right when the drinks are coming up and shes with two dorky looking guys (who didn't appear to be a threat and seriously no more than friends) but that still made me feel a little bit uncomfortable because i thought she wanted me to stay so we could chat a bit (but then again she did come to the club expecting to meet friends there not knowing that she would run into me and was being nice to them) so right after we took our shots i tell her i should probably get going but she should let me call her sometime and i take out my phone and she grabs it from my hands and puts in her own number (really cute about it) and right then my drunk friends come waltzing over talking about dave lets leave and one of my idiot friends goes in to hug and kiss her on the cheek, he didn't know her and I think she got a little creeped out by my friends drunken arrogance and she turns around and starts laughing with her friends and I gave me friend the head twist like lets get going, you creeped her out you idiot and then we took off...


i yelled at him outside but he insisted that she didn't care but i don't want to ruin my reputation with her by her thinking me and all my friends are party animals. she did see five or six very attractive girls saying hi to me as they passed through out our time haning out so i hope she doesn't think im only looking for a good time because im not. i can seriously say that I love this girls personality and would really like to date her...


while i was getting her number at 12 am i told her if im still out that i'll hit her up later and maybe we can get another drink and she smiled and nodded sure..


i texted her at 1:15am saying hi angie, this is david


i waited twenty minutes and texted her again "well hey, i just wanted to tell you that im going to be having people over so if your still out and about when you get this message and would like to hang out give me a call.


she never got back to me and its 10:00 thanksgiving nigh and im writing you guys for some help and advice...


did my friend ruin the connection?
did i mess up by calling her too quick? or they type or invitation, shes not a partier or a trouble maker and did me inviting them to my house ruin it?
she had to have liked me if the remembered me, wore my coat, and programed her number?

haha i haven't felt this way about a girl in a loong time so please help me out here.


a) should i text her tomorrow morning: hey, what you up to?
b) invite her to go out with me somewhere?
c) wait till early next week to text her something?

This is what I think the girl saw of you that night.

1) you ran into a girl you met once and haven't seen since then.
2) You quickly got her number and then left.
3) then you invited her back to your place via text msg.

Fact of the matter is the remembered you so I don't think its over. Give her a few days then you can text her and ask her out during the day at some non threatening place like a pool hall or get a bite to eat... Then when she feels more comfortable around you, you can take it to the next step.

-JA

Man, your attitude is horrible. You are as needy as hell. You make a fight with your friend over a girl you hardly know ? You ask the number and 1 hour later you are already texting her to come over to your place ? Are you retarded ??? You say yourself that you are concerned that she might think you consider her only for having some fun. What do you think she is thinking after you invite her over to your place with a text message just 1 hour after you got her number ? Don't be angry with your friend but with yourself. As far as I am concerned you are done with her, unless she is a real slut.

hahaa cut me a little bit of slack.. i havn't dated in over two years since my divorce and am not exactly up to par, thats why i joined this forum to learn the rules of the game...


as we were getting ready to leave she said you sure you have to leave?? thats when i went in and said what if I call you a bit later if im still out and we can chil... she said sure! thats why i called her back. Im not sayin i should have called her that quick, i simply wasn't sure..

needy? check this out, i haven't came across a girl i've liked like that in days... within the last three months i've probably been with about four or five girls and its not that i can't get chicks, i simply wanted someone more experienced than me to advise me on how to do this right.... thats why i went into full detail so i could paint you guys a picture of what happened...

Well . . .

Girls are fickle. Having been married before, you know that. The time to act quickly and reciprocate her "attraction" for you is right there and then when she's showing you her attraction. She's turned on, she's right in front of you.

But instead, you contact her at the end of the night for what is basically a "Booty Call". She knows she was forward. She knows she put her self out for you. And now, you're basically telling her, "I know you're a slutty, forward girl. Come over so I can fuck you like the slut you are."

You went from "0" to "I want to fuck you". Get in the habit of "flirting" with girls again. You probably did this before you married. (In fact, I think that a good long term relationships is one where the couple continues to flirt with one another)

You should have flirted with her at the club and you should have CONTINUED to flirt with your text/phone call. The time to step on the "sex peddle" is when you are directly in front of each other where ALL THE SENSES are ready to be triggered.

Your friends had nothing to do with anything.

It's not too late to start "flirting" with her. Just give a it a day or two. Then you text her:

"Hey, we ended up playing poker(anything mundane). You didn't miss anything. Wanna hit ____ club this Saturday? I'll ditch my boring friends and we'll do the monster mash."

Her: Monster mash?!?

Take if from there . . .

Thanks. I just texted her:


Hey, we ended up playing video games on X-box. You didn't miss anything

How did your Thanksgiving go?



I think im still in, I invited her friends along with her to my after party so I don't think she singled herself out to think i just wanted to get down with her after we agreed that i'd call her in a few hours that same night.

This is just a silly little game so there's really no "right or wrong" . . . but there's certainly a "better".

No matter how you packaged it, asking her to come over your house after meeting her, without making any real connections at the club was functionally a "sleazy booty call"(probably after striking out with other girls since you didn't show her ANY interest while you were in front of her) See . . . her perceptions are more important than your intentions. If she's thinking this, you've given her the wrong sales pitch. If she's not calling you back, you gave her the wrong pitch.

And no matter what your intentions are, telling her:
IS just a boring "0". This doesn't stir any emotions. This is just a "Oops, I must have F'd up so I better take it easy. . . " After any type of "flake", your goal is to SPARK up an interaction. You need her to respond to you. You need to "re-break" that ice. Once you get a dialogue going, you can take it ANY direction you want to but without that dialogue, you have nothing.

I asked you to:
The idea is to trigger her interest again. The idea is to demonstrate interest in her without making her seem like the bench warmer in your list of booty calls. You could in fact have texted, "Holy crap, is it 88 degrees and sunny in your neighborhood too?" and that would have been better. Get a dialogue going!

And start hanging around some women. Based on what you wrote, I think you sound like a decent guy; I mean . . . I bet it would be fun sharing a pitcher of beer, wings, and chatting business opportunities with you. But damn, you are also one boring son of a bitch. It's thanksgiving so you ask, "How's thanksgiving?". You want her to come over your house so you go, "Come over my house." God damn man! Have some tact! Don't you have any nieces or nephews you need to "trick a little" to eat his/her broccoli? What do you do? "Here, eat your green brocooli!"?

No, you make a choo-choo game. You tell them stories . . . You make it fun, fun, fun. And kids aren't stupid. They STILL know that it's broccoli but they're eating it . . .

If you want her to perceive your intentions better, start packaging your intentions better.

i'll break down my thought process that was involved in deciding how to approach this girl so it doesn't appear that my tactic was pure impulse rather an underdeveloped strategy..


cool,

1) when i noticed that she seemed a bit bummed out when i said i had to leave I went for it and said well if im still out tonightt maybe we can get together again and she said sure, i pulled my phone out, and she took it and entered her number, She said she wanted to hang out later so i contacted her later...

now, i was really faded (mad tequilla) and, hahaa the best thing i could think of was was having people over at my downtown apartment because the clubs were closing and I couldn't think of any other way to hang out with her that night... retarted move, trust me I know now, but I said I was having people over and invited her and her friends so I figured it wouldn't appear as creepy but I would definitely never do it again, just letting you know what i was thinking at the time..

2) I came at her with a 0 reply only to show that im not a over cocky guy who thinks he can just continue where he left off after that disrespectful invite. I came at her plain so she can hopefully think im somewhat grounded and considerate. I'm not going to lie guys, the conversation was a little plain and boring, I could tell she wasn't super enthused in our conversation, but she was still responding... ( I wish I had one of you pro's in my ear telling me what to say, i would have learned a lot about the anatomy of flirting ) anyhow I was persistent in trying to get her to talk about her self which she did but didn't ask me any questions about myself which kinda sucked.

but.... I still got her to go ice skating with me saturday night so we'll see how that goes...




P.S. I posted my origional thread pretty high so i appologize for the excessive length. I guess I figured the more detail you knew the better picture you'd be able to paint and criticize against. Honestly, sober I don't think I would have ever shared my problems with you guys but im actually a little glad I did because even tho i havn't done anything with this chick I sure have learned a lot of what not to do...

Like I wrote . . . there's really no "right or wrong", and "better" is theoretical. You took her to the next step and that's what matters. Pretty much all set . . .