| Most Common Real Sticking Points for New Members
Approach Anxiety sits at number one on this list of common sticking points for people starting out. I’m not going to go in a lot of depth about approach anxiety because this topic has been covered over and over again my all the major guys in the scene and by many of you on this forum. A simple search will reveal a great many results and good ideas posted for overcoming approach anxiety.
Keep in mind that the idea of approach anxiety in my opinion gives this apprehension we have to talk to new people too much power by labeling it an anxiety. In a way it is but we constantly tell each other you’re suppose to have this fear, and by doing that we add too much value to it. There are all kinds of methods at overcoming this stage of your own game. The bottom line is there is nothing you can read that’s going to instantly cure this. You are going to have to get out there and on some level start talking to people so that you start becoming more comfortable with conversing with strangers.
Secondly, I would say a good second would be your own mental state and willingness to change. A lot of guys and girls get into this wanting to make a change in their life, but most lack their own motivation for making it happen. You see this all the time in other aspects of life. I’d really like 6 pack abs too but I lack the motivation to get myself in the gym and work towards it because it is easier not to change than to change. The path of least resistance is all too common a road we all walk down in life. To force yourself to change you have to have a deep desire to want to change. No one can find this motivation for you!
You have to look inside yourself and find the reasons you want to change your life for the better. Once you do find them write them down. Believe it or not this is actually very powerful. After you write them down place them somewhere that you are going to see them every single day. Not only do you have to find your own motivation but you have to stay motivated which can be its own challenge in life. This motivation that you hold close to your heart is going to get you through the struggles that going down this path of learning to better with women will most certainly hold.
Number 3, I see a large number of people on the forums that wind up becoming learning junkies. Most of this can be contributed to sticking point number two. Most of us that are analytical realize in life that knowledge is power and more knowledge of something will help you get through it. I agree a healthy dose of knowledge of what you are about to do is good to have before going out and approaching.
With that being said I constantly get messages and see posts from guys that say they’ve read 3 or 4 books from very good pickup artists but want to know what they should learn next. The answer of course, is to go out into the field and learn. Books can teach you a lot about a subject. Books taught me a lot about how to provide technical support and fix computers. However, being in the field taught me a whole lot more that the books couldn’t begin to touch on.
The same thing goes for us. I think one of the best ways to go about this is read just enough to give you let’s say the first 5 steps or so for what you need to do in field. Then go out and start applying what you have learned. As you get better with those first few steps start to read further into your book. Then again go back out and apply what you have learned.
Most of these books have too much valuable information to soak up in one session of reading. A sponge can only hold so much water and once it’s full it has to be rung out before it can hold more. Soak up some information, apply it to the point you are getting better with it, then go back and soak up some more. This may seem like a long drawn out process but then again it takes a little while to get better with this. This leads me right into my last big sticking point.
Finally, not giving yourself enough time to get good with the material you’ve learned is a big problem I see. The senior members on this forum, various gurus, and others will tell you that it takes a while to get good. To get better faster it mostly involves going out a lot and getting a lot of hands on experience. Most of the guys who’ve been doing this for a while that are good had a time period where they were going out 3-4 nights a week for about 4-6 months before they got what most of us would consider to be good or consistent with their game. Some were able to get better quicker but were pretty well socially adjusted.
This is one of the big contributing factors for why there are so many new members on the forum but so few guys who've been around for a long time. It can be tough to stick it out for that long and keep working on it.
Consider that there is no magic pill for becoming a ladies’ man overnight, it takes work! If anyone comes around telling you that there is some magic phrase or one thing you can do to instantly get better for a super low price run for the hills! My use of the word “work” in the previous sentence is deliberate. My good friend on the forum KinoEscalator and I use to joke that “Pickup it’s sorta like a business.”
This really does give a good accurate description to the amount of time and effort it takes to get GOOD. Make sure to give yourself the time you need to get better with this and get the method you learned working for you, this is why being motivated is so important. You have to settle yourself in for a long haul so to speak.
These four sticking points are very common amongst the members of this forum. I can vouch for many of them because I have experienced all of them, and I have helped others via the forum or in person through all of them as well.
Take some time to evaluate the reasons you are here, and why you really want to get better with women. Make sure you understand what is motivating you to make this huge change in your life. Plan to settle in for a long road of obstacles before you get better. Start learning what you need to before you go out. Finally, go out and apply what you have learned. If you like, post your results on the forum for other members to offer opinions to help you improve faster.
~Jon
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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...
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