So I approach a 3 set at a bar. Have a great time with HB, who happens to be a professional singer. We end up going on a date. I notice very early on that she is a little stand offish physically.

I tried holding her hand at one point I remember her "seeming" uncomfortable so I stopped trying that. I also, if I remember right, tried brush her hair away from her eyes a few times... long story short she's "busy" doesn't want to go on a 2nd date. I wanted to know why here is what she said:

"Look ... I'm super busy with my music right now so it's hard to commit to anything. Plus ... You came on strong with all the touching and hand holding stuff. I think you're awesome ! Just not my speed right now."

I must not be understanding kino correctly... someone please help me calibrate.

P.S. She seemed lax enough to kiss. It seems hand holding etc,. was too intimate for her??

You are pinging your reality off of her reactions (ie your reacting to her) as a man, you should not be reacting to her. If you hold her hand and she doesn't like it, who cares your still gonna hold it because you WANT to hold it (not because your following some kino escalation ladder). You should be proactive and lead.

I also have a feeling that you were not 100% congruent when you meet her and that you were thinking "what should I do next?" instead of being in the moment.

BTW, did you kiss her? or thought that you could kiss her? Because if your thinking about kissing her, it means that you should go and kiss her.

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Thx for your feedback...

Actually, I was comfortable with her. And I kissed her several times on the date. Our kisses were very nice.

It was other things like me moving her hair from her eyes or trying to put my arm around her etc,. where her body language was stiff and defensive.

When I went to hold her hand in the car she pushed away and I jokingly said, "Not ready for this kind of commitment?" I did ended up holding her hand, briefly.

Does that provide any more detail?

How old is she? By the sounds of it, she doesn't have time for a relationship, and some of that, the handholding could have, and the hair out of the eyes was probably to intimate for her. (Seen as sweet, by her) Maybe she just wants to stick to no strings stuff, and she feels like you are making those strings.
I've got a good twenty-something FWB in toronto, and we have fun, but she can't handle all that handholding cuddle stuff. The only time when there's contact is if we go to a club, or the bedroom. The attraction is there, and the comfort, but she just doesn't have time for a "boyfriend", so to speak, so she doesn't want to get attached via "boyfriend stuff" (to quote her). Maybe that's the issue. Of course, what happens to me doesn't necessarily mean it's happening to you (despite how similar it sounds on my end).

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Here's to being single, seeing double, sleeping triple, and multiple orgasms.

She's 27...

Yeh, I think these girls are very similar to one another.

I think her phrase, "Too strong" was telling. She felt like I was pushing for something more by doing "boyfriend" stuff. Something I have to pay attention to next time... The kiss nice and easy, the hand holding, "too intimate"

It sucks, cause I had been on several dates in the last 2 weeks with different women and she was the first one to have issues with the "sweet stuff"; unfortunately all the others were not near her caliber, i still have them, but i lost her ....

Thanks for the feedback.

Take it from me, if a girl is a musician and she's serious about it, she probably isn't BSing. Musicians are on deadlines especially if she's on any sort of label or if she's touring at the moment, etc. There are a lot of factors which go into musicians.

If she doesn't want a BF right now, just plow her and have fun with her and whatnot.

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