Hello,

I have been dating a good girl over the past few months, but we have yet to make it official. We have been physical, but not as often as I want and she often gives me a lot of resistance to hooking up. She also says things like "you are not my bf" and "you only want sex" as means of resistance. Again, sometimes I get laid but it's much more work than it should be. How can I lower her resistance?

I think I like her and want to be in a relationship with her, however I am concerned that if I tell her this I will come across as too weak for wanting her more than she wants me. My gut tells me to wait for her to bring up starting a relationship and not do it myself.

The bigger issue is that I feel that admitting to someone that I like them will make me look weak. Nice guys tell girls all the time that they like them and that they want relationships; I don't want to be a nice guy loser, so how can I tell this girl or any girl that I like them/want to have a relationship?

a)Alcohol
b)Rohypnol
c)Money

All three and expect anything.
If your unsure about going into a relationship, then you are getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons!

When I first started reading The Game and learning how to please a women without following my Mothers advice and bringing flowers, and gifts to dates etc *shudder through the spine*, I then started dating a HB9 she was intelligent and nice (don't ask why she was into me probably intelligence and wit) and I got sex as often as people win the lottery!
I really thought because she was hot and intelligent I wanted/needed a relationship and then she would sex me like a prostitute who you just promised a £40 tip, and guess what I got it a bit more and then I was fucking miserable in a relationship and realised that I had entered it for all the wrong reasons.

Most people on this board say they want a relationship without thinking about why they want one, they say they want that extra closeness, or to have xyz etc, but guess what I have had several Fuck B's who I have just hanged around with as if they were girlfriends without it being "so called official".
I think it takes courage to tell someone how you feel about them, nice guys fail because they have no connection, are too shy, needy, couldn't pleasure a women with a 4ft dildo, that rotates at 5mph.

Good luck.

_________________
"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"--Copy store clerk (Jerry Maguire)

At this point there should be no more gaming ... gaming is only a front type of thing to get you in there ... but when your passion and want a relationship and her as well then go for it ... you getting her in the relationship or telling her those things aren't going to make you look weak, but only better ... only mistake guys make after getting in the relationship is they get way to comfortable and don't try to please there women or spend time with them or what not ... I think you need to make moves, before she gets tired of it and moves on to some newbie PUA, on these boards ...

workaholic...i think you are right on the money...our dynamics are not so strong right now if im not satisfied, so i shouldn't want to be in a relationship w/someone like that... maybe her attraction to me is not as strong as mine is to her and thats y she holds back the sex...so how should i approach it now..should i break up w/her now to get the upper hand? should i not call her for awhile? should i keep doing the same thing? etc...


truth.. i agree that u should express ur feelings in a perfect world, but i am coming to realize that this particular situation is not a good one for a relationship..at least not yet

good post by workaholic,

as for you coming off weak, f that. take charge, and if u do it right you wont come off weak.

when you say "wanting her more than she wants me" how do you know? are you just reading a vibe? are there clear signs?

anyhow, if you are already fucking her, you are already in a relationship of some kind with her. dont put too much meaning into that word. also, dont sound gay and say "lets be EXCLUSIVE" f that word.

i believe in direct communication, and after fucking / cuddling with her id ask bluntly "what do you want out of this"

ive used this before, and responses are generally of the variety "i dont want anything (bitchy girls response, prob just wants sex now and then and attention)" , "i dunno...." (they do want a relationship but dont have the courage to say it), or "for things to just be like this" (the vaguest of all answers because it effs w ur head)

at that point if she asks u, you say what u want. then at least u both know the others expectations.... and if you want to be vague about it, just say "lets see where it goes" implying there could be interest in a relationship, but you are unsure right now.

_________________
swag

SPAM..this is a good strategy, thanks


there r not any clear signs that i like her more than she likes me...BUT isn't me thinking about asking for a relationship before she does a sign of it? maybe she is thinking it too..maybe not, but if i am the first to bring it up i feel like a pussy..


ive been actually doing pretty well w/this material and im miles from where i used to be....

...but i just get into a conflict in these kinds of situations where i want to say or do something nice for a girl im with...its like im too scared of doing something bf-ish cuz im worried ill come off as an AFC......but on the other hand this limits a lot of shit i can do

for example, i never buy dinners or shit anymore....but lets say girls driving me somewhere...i say stop at this convenient store so i can get a drink while she waits in front.....she asks me to get one for her too....wat do i do?

a) i say "no, im not getting it for u, park the car, come in w/me and get it urself" ..this seems unnatural and kinda mean...its just a drink and im goin into the store anyway

b) i say ok.....in this case im worried bout coming off as an AFC

.....wat would u do?

[quote="holler45"]


there r not any clear signs that i like her more than she likes me...BUT isn't me thinking about asking for a relationship before she does a sign of it? maybe she is thinking it too..maybe not, but if i am the first to bring it up i feel like a pussy..
[/quote]

thats a pretty good point to raise. ive been on both sides of that fence before, im sure we all have at some point. but u never know, girls are freaking crazy. she could be thinking a million things, and a lot of girls have sort of been conditioned to believe that appearing "needy" , "clingy" , etc. is a big turn off for guys. so she might just be keeping the cards in her hand very close to her.

i wouldnt say for sure she is doing that based on what you have said, she kind of sounds like a girl who doesnt get too emotional, bc many girls are and cant really hide their feelings.



[quote="holler45"]
...but i just get into a conflict in these kinds of situations where i want to say or do something nice for a girl im with...its like im too scared of doing something bf-ish cuz im worried ill come off as an AFC......but on the other hand this limits a lot of shit i can do

for example, i never buy dinners or shit anymore....but lets say girls driving me somewhere...i say stop at this convenient store so i can get a drink while she waits in front.....she asks me to get one for her too....wat do i do?

a) i say "no, im not getting it for u, park the car, come in w/me and get it urself" ..this seems unnatural and kinda mean...its just a drink and im goin into the store anyway

b) i say ok.....in this case im worried bout coming off as an AFC

.....wat would u do?[/quote]

you are in a gray area, this is why it is important to figure out exactly where both of you stand. right now the boundaries are super effed up, u dont even know. there are also roundabout ways u can find this - mutual friend (highly do not recommend this), bringing it up teasingly (works to just gauge her reaction to a dumb statement like "you might be my favorite girlfriend" and see what she replies to that with).... anyway, somehow u need to find out if that is why u are holding back or limiting ur actions.

as for the convenient store thing, i would do option b, in ur example i would pretty much buy anyone a drink at a minimart (if i think theyd do it for me if asked them). its easy to label "nice guys" as losers, but these are the kinds of guys who let ppl walk all over them. simply engaging in a polite act doesnt really change your outward persona.

but if she is asking you to do certain stuff that requires more than just a dollar to buy a drink, once again there is another opportunity to feel her out and test the waters, say something like "what??? you aren't my girlfriend" teasingly... see her reaction, you can play it off as a joke either way

_________________
swag

I could explain what to do here but I will let Neil Strauss explain through a quote in The Game:

"In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps."



I tend to go with what I feel comfortable. I have created a frame that is consistent that revolves around not giving in to anything I do not feel comfortable doing, I tend to punish bad behaviour (things that go against mine) and reward good behaviour.

The thing that makes you an AFC in situations like this is constantly giving into her, dropping plans, letting her be dominant. Most people I have seen on the board just do the opposite of nice things thinking that they will be a beta/AFC if they do anything for her that is nice and then turn into Jerks not Alpha Males.
It is a drink? You clearly signal that this is going against what feels comfortable for you, so you should react how you normally would.

I will admit it I have rewarded good behaviour with dinner or things but the thing that seperates me from a Beta male is the fact that:

a) I am not expecting anything, most guys feel that in order to get a little pink action they need to wine and dine.
b) I enjoy eating out, I would go out several times to eat in a week whether with company or a girl I just met in the lobby of a resturant (depends on your ££ I guess).
c) I do not build a sense of consistency-in other words I do not make them feel like I do this all the time for them so they do not get used to it.
d) I choose the restuarant, what I want, where we go, when we go, when I am getting her, whether they meet me there and if they want one detail changing it goes against my frame and I call the whole thing off and say I will go with one of my other ladie friends who can make that time or likes that kind of food.

_________________
"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"--Copy store clerk (Jerry Maguire)

SPAM, I like your response to the convenient store question...

Workaholic, I think your first post was more on the money than the last one..


..I've been doing some thinking...and look I don't think I should ask for a relationship w/this girl because:

1) I'm not satisfied w/the sex now...so I'm not sure I can expect that to change if we start a relationship (as per your first post workaholic)

2) I've been thinking like an AFC here...she's not the prize to be won, I am...I gotta expect her to chase me, and not have me be chasing her by asking her shit like this..

3) Even if a relationship is something she wants.....when the hell have we been taught to give girls wat they want...guys who give girls wat they want get rejected..

...so if she wants a relationship w/me..im gonna make her ask for it and make her work to get it...until then, ill still enjoy spending time w/her, etc..


i cant believe i almost went AFC....thanks, for the kick in the ass their guys...

DO WHAT YOU WANT.

If you like the girl than tell her. Because you are hiding behind a shield that we call ego (mr.thats not me)...she is also hiding behind a wall and is not letting herself lose complete control and become vulnerable to you.

You are going to have to open up. You are missing rapport. And without it she will just be a fuck buddy...she can never be your real girlfriend...and she can never fall in love with you and feel like a real woman.