i dont want to fuck her i want her to be my girlfriend.

i repeated that line because it is very important.

skip the next bits if you like.

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we messaged a lot on Myspace before meeting up at a festival, where we kinda 'clicked' and hung out for like 8 hours and she kept missing calls from her friends(unsure if it was legit, i think it was, she is VERY honest). at the end of the night i asked her to have coffee with me next time she'd be in the city which was 2 days later.

when i saw her next, i purposely made sure i was sitting down when she came to me, just so i could stand up and then say "give me a hug!" im not sure where i found that trick but it is really, really awesome. it worked great.


coffee went really well, we went to 2 cafes, then to a museum, then on a ferry where we were both really cold(at the front of the ferry) and after talking a while i asked "do you like hugs?" and she said yes! and moved her arms open and turned towards me expecting a hug. i denied her slightly and told her she has only given me mediocre hugs and i am not someone to accept only mediocrity.. we hugged for like 10 seconds then i said how about you sit on me and she did and it was great. we did this on the ferry back(2 ferries).

then i took her hand and walked to my apartment. she squeezed my hand alot it was nice

at my place i cant really remember what we did. she ended up staying over the night with the unsure if excuse of "im really tired there will be no trains(she lives 2 hours away)" etc.

we cuddled and kissed alot.

the next day we got up really late them held hands and got food. then we got photos from asian photos place.

we did this again another day. we met up again another day of the week and basically did the same thing, she slept over again.

so basically to sum up>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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messaged alot on Myspace before

day1: finally met, 2 cafes with lunch, hung out for 8 hours

day2: 2 cafes, museum, ferry*she sat one me and we cuddled*, walked to my apartment *held hands*, *kissed/cuddled in apartment*, slept over, held hands more got food the next day, *got photos*

day 3(which is more like day 4 because day 3 was the morning after she slept over): basically the same and more as day 2, we held hands kissed cuddled kissed intimate

basically i told her "i like you", "i want to be with you more nights" then when i asked "are you ready?" [for a relationship, in our context it was clear what i meant] she said ummmmm then no.

so how do i get her to want to be my boyfriend? shes had 2 boyfriends before, shes months after coming out of a 2+ year relationship, none of her relationships seemed to have worked out.

and our relations so far have been PERFECT, with a couple minor mistakes like too much dwell on past relationships and stuff, but we have kissed and held hands for 3/4 whole days.

so. basically i dont want to see her again unless she commits to a relationship................... if she asks to meet up again, im thinking i will give her my "terms", i.e. i want a relationship. because, we've held hands for so long and been everything like a couple except for the verbalization of accepting we are a couple-her telling me she isnt ready.

is there anything i can do?

**im pretty sure i could get a fuck or more than a kiss, but it isnt what i want. i mean, i could meet up with her again, be much more sexually aggressive and get more of the physical, but i dont want ANY of that.. until we are in a relationship.

tldr i dont want a fuck i want a relationship. yeah..

im also completely fine with letting her go, but i really do like her as more than a f(fuck)riend. im guessing some people will call this one-itis, but she really is one of those beautiful women who-also-have-values(or was that just made up?) 10 fucks wont get me a relationship.

expert advise appreciated.

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dsfdsf

Well, first of all, I believe this shouldn't be posted in the relationship section which is reserved for people who ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP ALREADY!!

But I'll give you some advice anyway..

If you have sex with her it shouldn't jeapodise you having a relationship with her. Actually on second thoughts I'm probably not the best to give you advice actually... Don't do as the Brendito does is what my friends always say lol

in our last messages she actively told me "we still should get pizza someday."

what do i do? continue gaming her? i already have attracted. go out again with her, hold hands and kiss, spend another night kissing and cuddling?

it feels weird because we hold hands and act like a couple ALL THE TIME. should i go out again with her and keep acting that way? even though we arent formally together.

so i have already told her i like her and shes told me shes not ready, so in a way she has my heart like that. and so she may lose interest. however i KNOW i am basically all of the social contact she has had all week, wont she feel the desire to keep me?

shes also going away soon for a week. im wondering if my not talking to her will make her want to be back with me again?

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dsfdsf

i have a phobia of sex so its out of the question. yeah its weird.

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dsfdsf

When you say phobia, do you mean you are just scared and nervous/ won't do it outside of a committed relationship; or do you mean you have some kind of psychological issue which will prevents you from having sex with her?

First meet with her!!!!!

Talk things out and be honest. Tell her exactly what you feel and where you are in the relationship.

You have spent less than a week as a *couple.* Explain to her your goal, but make it clear that you can slow things down.

Women value men who fulfill their emotional needs. Spend some time describing what emotional needs you see in her life. She is just out of a long relationship, so she will probably be against jumping into a relationship right off the bat. Show your maturity by acknowledging that she might need time, and leave the door open for her if she wants to wait and date after some recovery time passes.

Be confident and PATIENT.

You have obviously established mutual attraction and built comfort. You were right there on that fine line. Don't back away from it, and don't expect too much too fast. Keep a nice pace and slow things down if you need to. If she is everything you said she is, she will follow your lead. If she doesn't, then she wasn't worth it in the first place.

Two PUA rules apply here:

1. BE THE MAN and lead her in the relationship, and

2. DON'T BE AFRAID TO CLOSE when the set goes well. Success happens, don't rob yourself of it.

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-The good can never be measured, but the great can never be controlled-

You're lucky you live 2 hours away from her or you'd already blown yourself out. Stop spending so much time with her make yourself unavailable sometimes. Point is make her pursuit you not the other way around.

The sex phobia bullshit get over it. Your a man so start acting like one. When the time comes when sex will happen what will you do?

You claim to not have oneitis but I beg to differ. Just from reading your post its apparant and theres even more troubling things in what you say/project.

Read the rules, Official warning. I am moving this thread to the newbie section. In the future your post will be deleted.

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[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

And stop!

No point in reading the rest of your post. Your problem lies here.

You can't make a girl your girlfriend without having sex with her. It doesn't happen. Your problem is that you have a pretty severe case of Madonna/Whore complex and you view women who get fucked as sluts and girls who nice girls as girlfriends!

This is extremely unhealthy!

Every girl is both a good girl and a porn star. Get used to it.


S

Thats a pretty fucking ignorant thing to say, to be honest. There are girls out there that, at very least, want to wait to fuck.

That is true, some women have deep moral convictions, and you have to respect that.

But in Sinn's defense, women aren't wired that way to begin with, moral convictions are something that is taught and instilled. Women aren't born with the instinct to deny sex to a higher value man, they are born with the instinct to propagate their species. Moral convictions or social pressures are instilled in women specifically because these instincts exist in the first place.

There is much truth in what Sinn said, though I believe he choose to be rather blunt and straightforward to add emphasis to his point, which a lot of newbies need in order to accept facts.

The fact is that attracting women comes down to Sex. Attraction = Sexual Attraction. A lot of newbies miss that with all the techniques and routines, they some how think attraction is on a higher level than sex or something. Like attraction is a point system in a video game or something. NO! Building Attraction means making a girl want to fuck you! THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

That being said, building attraction (making a girl want to fuck you), and then not sleeping with her when she throws herself at you (sleeping in the same bed with her) is the exact same thing as rejecting her sexually. Every time you don't go for it when she is giving you the go ahead for sex, you are sexually denying her. She can only take so much of this before she leaves. It's a huge blow to her ego.

What you may be missing, and what Sinn touched upon, is that women are sexual beings. WOMEN ARE SEXUAL BEINGS! WOMEN LOVE SEX! WOMEN WANT TO GET LAID! They are human beings and they have needs! The fact is that, if you are not meeting her needs sexually, she will get them met elsewhere. By having a platonic relationship with her, you are projecting your role in her life to her.

Platonic = Friend. Sex = Lover. Lover + Emotion = Boyfriend.
That's how simple a woman rationalizes relationships in her mind. She's not that complicated, you are! This is only complicated because you are making it complicated.

Kalel and Sinn are so dead on, kookookoo. I understand you have some sort of performance anxiety, but if you keep denying her, she's going to find a guy that can pull the trigger. Are you okay with that? You shouldn't be if you want a relationship.

This reverts back to my point.

Well then defend your argument, because I thought I did a decent job defending mine. It's easy to call someone ignorant, but why don't you explain why you think so.

Well.......lets see...
after saying this:


Well, obviously they DONT want to fuck quite yet and want to wait till they get married OR at very least in a deeply committed relationship.

Exactly



So anyway it was a bit hypocritical on your part, what you put.