Hey guys,

I have a fear of being rejected by men and I don't know how to tell them that I'm available. Well I'm talking of men that I find attractive, usually they don't show much interest for me and I think that's why I like them. And once I get to attract them I'm still not sure if they like me and stop the process.

My exbf asked me out and then he wanted to sleep with me and I told him just like friends. The next day I regreted not having sex with him. I called him after a month passed and he had a girlfriend so he rejected me. The brother of his gf is my friend so I called him and he invited me to the beach for a weekend, so I thought he was interested in me, but he also invited another girl, and at the beach he called another girl who lived there and went to visit her, I think he wanted to have many options. So I was confused, we were a group of friends and he didn't showed too much interest for any woman. Then we went to a club and I applied some advice my friend Chief here gave me and it was incredible because a lot of guys started to try to pick me up. Suddenly I was surrounded by men and my friends were kind of upset. my friend told me if I wanted him to scare those guys, but I told him they just wanted to talk and were kind. Later another guy came and gave me a flower and wanted to kiss me and wanted me to go with him but i rejected all of them because I wanted my friend who was looking at me but i don't know if he was jealous. The female friends in our group were trying to flirt with him and I was a little jealous but didn't show it. when we retuned from the trip I stayed at his house, and he gave me a room for myself, and I asked him if he could sleep with me as friends (I said that again because of fear of being rejected) so he came and he said he couldn't sleep with other people but he would be there until I sleep and then go to the other room. Then I asked him to hug me and he did, and we were talking, and then he said he had to go , and he left. And I was upset with myself because I didn't turned around and kissed him, again because of fear. I think he would have kissed me if I had started, but now i lost that oportunity again. I don't know what's happening with me.

Anyway, next weekend is a party in his house, and I'm going with one of his friends who was my exbf years ago and who already invited me to his house after the party. Still I want to kiss the first one to see if there is something there, but I don't know how to approach him in the middle of the party. I was thinking to ask him to go inside the house maybe to his room and ask him if he likes me and if he says yes then kiss him. I don't know I'm afraid of taking the first step. But I think he's not going to do anything. Any ideas?

I know many of you think is easy for a girl to have sex with a guy, well it is if he's trying to pick you up but when he's not pursuing you openly is kind of difficult.

Thanks for any advice you can give me!

The rules of attraction work both ways actually. Things like push-pull, playing hard to get, demonstrating value, etc. also increase a mans desire once he's already attracted to you. Tho when going caveman its much easier for the females, because they just signal or respond to interest and the man knows its time to make a move. Like when I'm kickin back at a party with a girl(s) next to me, they give off nonverbal signals and I can sense when she's ready to hook up. No words at all.


Women signal interest under the radar; don't be too obvious about it but don't be too shy to make the first move.. Somthing simple like a gently rub on the back, squeezing his hand when you're talking about something interesting or brushing up against him when passing by. This is in addition to all the other nonverbal cues you give off subconsciously. Real men respond well to this and can turn it up into amplyfying attraction.

Believe it or not guys actually don't like when you ask them if they like you. Its like you're asking them would you like to kill our chances of hitting it off by admitting you like me or denying it. It also shows insecurity and clinginess on your part. Losers, chumps, chodes or anyone desperate would probably dive in and spill his composure kissing your ass, but if you're looking for real men its kind of an attraction killer now or a dead end for both of you.

On the other hand telling a guy you might like him is a great shit test to see if he melts like rubber.

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I think on some level the friend does like you, I only scare of guys for girls I want to get with. As for missing opportunities with guys don't worry about it, as far as I am concerned getting into the friend zone with a guy is virtually impossible if you are attractive and even if you aren't it takes more effort to get into the friend zone than it takes to avoid it.

I think something else which you should try to internalize is as a women you control interactions with most guys. You say when etc etc so I would say just go direct with this guy at the party and tell him you like him. If you can do this after you have isolated him ideal. "I need some air" then take his hand and lead him outside should suffice. Let me know how it goes.

the thing is i don't know how to isolate him and kiss him. I think there's gonna be many people at the party. I need many ideas of how to do this. And is probable that his exgf is in the party they just broke few weeks ago.

"I need air" is not very good line because the party is outside in a garden.

Do you think I should try kiss him without saying anything?

the line doesn't matter. since he isn't going to notice most likely. He'll take it as "lets be alone somewhere".

You're one of those people that needs to learn to stop thinking. Attraction is not a choice.

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future