Is it healthy to flirt with other people while you are in a committed relationship? I had a serious talk last night with my gf of 5 months. She and I will be graduating from university in two days and will be working in cities about an hour away by plane. She basically asked me if it was ok that she flirted, because she is a naturally flirty girl. She said that when she ever saw an attractive guy she would feel extremely guilty because she thought about how I would feel.

Its weird to me that she feels attracted to other guys, but I can't blame her because guys are always checking out hot girls. I don't really like this idea because it makes it easier for her to find another guy she likes that is nearer to her, but what can you do if you are having a long-distance relationship?? We both agreed that we could flirt, but within reason (i.e. no kissing, dancing, etc.) and not in front of each other. What do you guys think about this?

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

This all comes down to evolutionary impulses vs. relationship expectations (In your brain its the reptillian complex vs. limbic system).


Whether we want to or not, our reptillian brains are always seeking out new potential mates; This is true for male and female. Its a biological thing that can happens very subtly that you're often not aware of it. This is a survival oriented evolutionary behaviour not a sign of infidelity or horniness. With the skills of the community can naturally teach yourself to have the right body language when this checking out and nonverbal rapport happens all of a sudden (instant flirting) but it will still happen when youre in a relationship.

The limbic system, the emotional part of the brain is responsible for maintaining a deep relationship. Just how close you are in the relationship is a result of <i>limbic resonance</i>. If you are very close and you consciously want to avoid flirting with anyone else, involuntary reptillian behaviors can confuse your sense of the other persons emotions or your own emotions toward your partner.

The good news:

By accepting flirting as a contemporary adaptation of a naturally occuring process, you can agree to <i>accept </i> that it can and will happen, and know that such physical impulses wont affect how you feel about each other. Let there be a balance between each part of the brain. Its relative where you draw the line but there is a difference between accepting impulse flirting and letting your evolutionary impulses <i>override</i> your emotional rationality (doing something you wouldn't want her to know).

The bad news:

Relationships are maintained only by being present in the relationship. Limbic resonance develops in the presence of one another and to keep it going it has to happen frequently. Even with videochat you can't experience what it feels like to be right there with them, having limbic resonance, the unspoken emotional bond, the deep rapport only you two could have with each other.

Over time in the long distance realationship limbic resonance will break down from atrophy; physical distance turns to emotional distance. This astronomically increases the probability that both of you will be more open to whats around you, and whoever it happens to first the other one or both of you get hurt.

Not saying you couldn't manage to pull it off until you can move closer, but its scientifically proven that long distance relationships = fail.

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^^^ that was probably the smartest post I read on forum in awhile.

Everything he said, was absolutely on the money.

A: The limbic system is the repitilian brain but other than that good post west-side.

B: To O.P., don't look to us for your morals, ethics is a personal matter which YOU are to decide on.

C: Girls are capable of with-holding from temptation, contrary to most under-tones in the community, if she is serious about you and is mature enough, then she probably won't cheat.

it is good to have people around here who really know their shit. i learned a lot from this post. thanks man.

my simplistic imput wout be that flirting is not a big deal if it is innocently motivated. my gf knows that after becoming a PUA i'm just naturally very flirty. when i'm out at a bar with her and i'm talking to other girls its not because i want them for myself, it's because I want to vibe with everyone there and make gaming easier for my friends.

Thanks a lot for the help guys, it definitely put things into perspective. I think it is just going to take me some time because she is my first gf and I am a very sensitive/emotional guy. I know we are going to do the best we can and I just have to come to terms with the fact that it might not be forever. I am also officially done with university/need to find a job so things are overwhelming for me right now. Wish we luck and any further advice would be greatly appreciated

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

There has to be a method or way to bend the rules to make Long Distance Relationship work..

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I've been through it all,
the fails, the falls.
I'm like niagra
but I got right back up like Viagra.
-Tha Carter III

Are we talking about a normal relationship that turns into LDR or a relationship that starts out as LDR?

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A friend hooked me up with her cousin from another state. The whole purpose was to get me a date to prom. The night i first met her, we really connected on a very intimate level and everything was perfect. We cuddled, kissed etc. on the very first night. We went to Prom and pretty much hit it off with a bang. So last week after she went back to her state. I asked her out and now we are going out. Everything is going great so far. I want this to work. So i'm taking steps to make sure that it does. By consulting with the PUA community.

_________________
I've been through it all,
the fails, the falls.
I'm like niagra
but I got right back up like Viagra.
-Tha Carter III

Hahaha I'm not really sure that's a good idea. Many people in the PUA community actually see nothing wrong with actively pursuing other guys' gfs, whereas I think it's morally wrong, even if I am glad I got cheated on (it was only a matter of time thinking about it now, she was one psychologically messed up fucktard).

Easy for you to say lol.

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V1V