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Maybe she is just unexperienced and doesn't know what to do? Anyway, in such situation you can just tell her: touch it (in whispering way)
I personally think that it's creepy to do this. I think it makes things much more open and comfortable if you don't create an SPAM where you both feel like you're doing something wrong or need to whisper. I'd just tell her exactly what you'd like her to do to you - that's what you wish she'd do for you isn't it? Failing that, then yeah, put her hand on your dick and stop doing whatever you're doing to her and she'll know that it's her turn to please you.