Hi guys,

I got divorced a little while ago. During my marriage I had totally neglected my "buddies" and had become a real couch potato. Never bothered ringing anyone was a real antisocial person. Anwyay now after a tough divorce find myself without friends to go out with so I have been going out on my own. Was quite inspired by the venuisan handbook stating to just go out even if it is alone.
It does increase your self consciousness and seem to put you even more at a disadvantage but anyway... I found myself last Saturday standing against the wall of the bar getting a bit of eye attention but feeling totally powerless to act. Jesus!!!
I still need to develop the alligators skin. I crashed and burned with a couple of girls who I started talking to. I just asked them if they knew the guy who was singing the song. thought it was an innocuous thing to say. the women started being so sarcastic. as if she knew just what I was after. Then I was thinking, maybe the set were just trying to increase their social worth(they were 6's) by burning me off. Who the hell knows or maybe they didn´t like me asking stupid question...
Anyway it was enough to send me running. I felt so embarrassed and chicken shit and hopeless. It literally fucked me up.
Next Saturday, am going to try a bit of handwriting analysis. My most immediate goal is just to be able to overcome my approach anxiety and get enough social skills under my belt so I don´t have to bother about rejection. Either way, I have only been "at it" for a month or so.
Anyone else found any "advantages" to going out alone or is it always second best to haveing a wing?

Hello. I tackle it alone and I always have done. I only do the day game, however.

In order to diminish anxiety in the day game, just go around and ask as many people you can what the time is. I suggest you ask everyone the time, not just HBs.

You'll notice that you will become much more confident just by using this technique. Some women will open like a flower just by asking them the time and you will discover that most women are quite sweet. Once you get around to opening HBs constantly by asking the time, it will bolster your confidence, and you can expand:

You: Hello, do you know what time it is?
Her: 2:00
You: Thanks. Can I stop you for just a second! I can only speak for a couple of seconds, I've got to go and meet my friends. But I was just wondering, do you regard yourself as fashionable?
Her: Yeah/no
You: Ok. Because I need your help! Do you think this shirt makes me look gay?
Her: No/yes (whatever it is she says)
You: Because I was just in that pub down there and this tall man came over to me and said: "I really like your shirt, it makes you look handsome, strong and rich, would you like me to buy you a drink.."
Her: Her Wow. Really?
etc etc.

My advice is to ask the time and eject until you feel you can move on to the next level.

_________________
John Creases had 752 rejections before he became a successful Writer.

hey buddy whats up
First why did they understood you were hitting on them? Maybe you were reluctant/shy to ask whats the song was on. I mean maybe your body language gave up that you were hitting on them Youur body language should not give you up, you ask that kind of question in the same manner as you ask "whats the special meal" at the restaurant. Like its nothing - you heard the song and instantly ask whats on. If its done right you can be under their radar (they won't get that you hit on them or at least they woud doubt)

Now if they got you, 2 ways:
1. if they are being bitchy/sarcastic you can neg them (something like "me hitting on you?" - and your body language says that there is no way you would hit on them - DHV yourself)
2. If they being nice you can admit it in a confident way with a smile. Again you should do that like its nothing for you - you are alpha and you hit on women every day. No hesitation no nervousnes.

2cents

Try direct, i used to do indirect but after a while i found that direct works better for me.. good thing about sarging alone is it forces you to talk to a hb.. helps against AA.

Hi Guys,

thanks for the advice- maybe I didn´t go under the radar- and maybe it just looked too obvious- the song was "summer lovin" by John Travolta and Olivia. so I guess i would have had to be from Mars not to know the name, title, etc. looking back...having said that the friend of the bitchy girl looked like she genuinely didn´t have a clue. Maybe I had met a babe from mars!!!

anyway, guys, I have to admit that my confidence has just gone through the roof compared to a few weeks ago. Sarging on your own really does put you in the hot seat to do stuff and approach.

and cool opener Lion,- am going to use it-
take it easy.

Going to the bar alone is very intimidating. I have no problem going off on my own once i em at the actual bar with someone. But i need a place to fall back on every once in awhile. So if i dont have a friend with me to return to i don't feel comfortable standing anywhere in the bar by myself since i feel like a creeper.

Hi,
yes. sitting around at the bar is intimidating, observing others having a good time and all the while plucking up the courage to go over to that babe who is eyeing you it is all intimidating, there are moments when it can knock the stufing out of your self esteem and you feel like crap
plus when you go over and speak, you feel like a sitting duck just waiting to get blown off. Anyhow, i hope that with practise it will get easier. I dont know how many months i am looking at, at having a go, of biting the bullet but I am sure that it will be worth it. just for the positve changes in my self confidence it has easily been worth the most painful rejections because right now i don`t care about them.
i suppose that the three second rule by mystery is cool here when you are alone. just walk into the venue and open a set regardless without too much premed.

In regards to wings:

I seldom go out with anybody if I really want to sarge. Even bringing the best "wings" are a waste of time because you're busy hanging out with him and chatting half the time. I'm not against going out with other guys but I'm usually the one who opens all the sets. If I bring some guy with me, I end up doing all the middle work like some sort of pimp. It's boring.

There's one guy I've met who just works it. This kid . . . I can leave him a lone. He works the room counter-clockwise, I work it clockwise and we meet intermittently for progress and to see which one of us will join the other's group. Other than that, most "group efforts" have been disasters. Opening up a set and getting them warmed up so that my "buddy" can start quizzing them through canned opinion crap is just depressing.

In regards to the snippy bitches:

Stay away from total random crap that has nothing to do with anything and work on situation specific stuff. "Do you know this singer?" isn't bad but you've got to figure out a way to engage them into the conversation. Many ways to do it but the way I go in is to treat them like my little sister's friends. They're waaaay below me so I don't need their opinion ON ANYTHING . . . but I still need to baby sit them for a few minutes . . .

So, integrating your same line, it could have been more like:

You: (Looking at her foot tapping or whatever) Ah ha . . . the single foot tap with the hand on the waist dance. I hear this is all the rage in Nebraska these days . . .

Her/Them: Blah blah (Whatever the fuck those little pea brains can muster)

You: I hear the variation they're working with in Iowa is to hold a drink in the other hand.

Her/Them: Blah, blah . . .

You: What? You haven't even heard of the dance and you're nailing it perfectly. Look at you . . . (Like you're talking to some little kid) You're quite the talented one aren't you?

Her/Them: (You guessed it) Blah, blah, blah . . .

You: Here, let me give it a go. (Do it just like her and stand next to her) Not bad? We'd be night club heroes in Nebraska.

Her: Blah, blah?

You: Wait a sec . . . this song. It's quite a match with the single foot stomp isn't it? Who sings this song?

Do you see the difference here? When you asked them,your question was a "front" to engage them in conversation. You're basically asking them, "Can I hang out with you guys?"

With my variation, you just FUCKING show up and run the show. Everything they say is "blah, blah, blah". By the time I popped the question, they just want to be part of the show and participate . . . This is the way to run it. You don't go up and ask for permission to hang out. No . . .you make them feel like little kids who are dying to hang out with her older brother's friends . . .

Listen, these kids are bored to death. Even after they chase away a nervous dude, they think to themselves, "Shit . . . he was kinda cute, why the hell did I do that?"

But after you leave, they're telling each other loudly, "That guy was such a dork! Durh, hurh, hur . . .Oh my God! Durh, hurh hurh . . . " - You give them the opportunities to do this . . . and they will.