They can't help it?

What does it mean also when they don't tell you they have a bf when you hit on them?

What do you do then, if you are not that kind of guy who uses bf destroyers, you've basically just wasted your time since you never bring it up too?

Right. People may be able to hide what they are thinking. Hiding their body language is damn near impossible. How are you going to supress 20 years or however old she is of non-verbal communication?
Nothing. It might mean they are unhappy with their relationship or want something better. It could mean they are just a flirt. It could mean they want a one night stand. It could mean nothing. Perhaps they just want to be flirted with and feel pretty. There is no way to truly know.

But it does mean that they didn't want to bring it up.
If she doesn't tell you she has a bf then you don't have a problem. Because it's not up to you to bring it up. She has to be responsible for her actions. If she doesn't mention it then you don't have to worry about what you do not know.

If she does bring it up then it's up to you. Some guys use bf destroyers and all that sort of bullshit. I just find another girl. I was cheated on a few times it sucks to be in that position. There are plenty of hot women out there.

Somtimes we waste our time. Here is the attitude I use. "Some will, some won't, so what, next!"

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hi,

I'm a girl - have been reading this forum for a while now but haven't dared contribute as it seems to be a boys-only zone, but as it happens I am exactly in the type of situation you've described so I cannot resist.

I usually tell guys quite quickly that I'm not available, because usually they're the kind of guys I wouldn't be interested in even if I were single. If I let the conversation go on for a bit and then tell them reluctantly, it's because they're the kind of guys I would've liked if I were single, and as JSmooth said, I basically just wanted to be flirted with a bit and made to feel pretty. However the last time this happened I didn't tell the guy, and I think it was because I was kind of curious to see how far it would go. Or maybe because the guy was irresistible and I just couldn't help it?

I guess it depends on the girl and how serious the relationship is. After all a boyfriend can be anything from someone she's just been seeing a couple of weeks to someone she's been living with for ten years...

Ok, here is my perspective on it. It is desillusionised and maybe cynic at times but I believe it to be a reflection of the real world.

Why do girls with bfs give you IOIs? Why not?

Most guys think that just because you are in love (girl or boy) you have eyes only for that person. You do not need anything else, you are not open to suggestions. This is modern man talking. Faithfulness... Thats great! Nothing beats it. Does it exist? Not so sure.
In a complex society we try to reduce the amount of jealousy related violence by inventing the concept of the one true love. We want to have the true love, we believe in it, I believe in it. In reality however, a girl will pairbond to you if she thinks that you are good enough to carry on her genes. You are there until she finds something better. (Dont get me wrong, she is not aware of it, she is not actively looking for anyone else, she believes that she will be yours forever and ever.)
However, the more she invests in you the easier it becomes to keep you around. She has invested in you as a way to survive and replicate. It takes less energy to keep you than to search for another, maybe she will not find a better one, maybe she will not find anyone at all. So if she breaks up with you in order to find someone else she has lost the protection from a healthy male. Plus, she has rejected a potential mate to go solo. Thus her survival and replication value has gone down.

Hot girls are not singles for a very long time. If at all. It is not because they are sluts, it is because they have opportunities. The one they get together with a week after the breakup has probably been courting her for a long time and finally convinced her that her S&R value is better with him.
We have to accept the fact that we are all expandable, we are all backup plans, we are all there until something more attractive comes along.

So, to answer your question, girls give IOIs because they are still interested. They may not be ready to cheat on their bfs... Unless you are clearly the better choice. (Not only a better choice as a BF but if your genes will provide a healthier offspring and she can get the another sucker to take care of it.) Girls who does not see the opportunities while they are pairbonded are but a memory down evolution lane.

Ezo

I think when one's crazy in love, one really does have eyes for only one person and can't see the other "opportunities". But how long can one stay crazy in love? Day after day, for years and years and years?? Eventually, it's got to become more of a logical (or even, okay, emotional) decision than the insane physical and psychological compulsion which love is at first.

It's like winning the lottery, we all think that if it happened to us we'd be so happy, forever... but eventually we'd be waking up depressed just like everyone else.

Desperate! Good contribution! Please keep posting, we value a female perspective here. Otherwise we risk becoming a guys only zone and that is not what we want, we have much to learn from you.

Anyway, yeah, while you are "crazy in love" you may have eyes for only one person... But is that not just to cement your relationship... As soon as you feel secure that the other person IS yours and yours alone thats when you start to lose interest...
One down the rest to go!

Ezo

I need some help. I just number closed with this girl but im not sure if she has a bf. Should I just ask her directly or is there a better way?

I would suggest you don't ask her - after all she doesn't know if you have a girlfriend, it can be fun to keep things ambiguous for a bit, don't you think?

Dont ask, does it really matter? Really? It is her problem, not yours.

It all comes down to the lover/provider complex from the book sperm wars. Women always need a lover and a provider, if you can't be both they will look to get their needs filled elsewhere. Too many guys shift from being a lover to just a provider, so the woman looks for a lover elsewhere.

Likewise you will also notice that some single women have several men in their lives that are either providers or lovers, but not both.