I have an over 10 year friendship with a woman. I am 44 and she is 46, both never married and no children.

For the first nine years that we have known each other, I had a decent social life and never saw her on fri or sat night.

Last summer (2008) we began to spend a lot of time together. I fell for her hard, believed that the reason we were friends for so long was because we were "meant to be" and made every mistake that could be made. I put her on a pedestal, catered to her every need and paid for everything.

Naturally, when I revealed my feelings, in the fall, I got nowhere.

Around Christmas time I did a complete "no contact" without explanation. This was probably a mistake as I should have employed a limited contact/jealousy scenario instead.

I re initiated contact with her about 2 weeks ago. I did it without apology (email) or showing excessive weakness. I just said that it's stupid that we're not talking and life is too short for this.

She agreed to resume contact the next day.

We emailed back and forth about mostly insignificant bullshit for a few days (except that she asked my opinion about a psychiatrist that she was interested in seeing - sent his website, I KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT! )

Last Friday, she sent me an email stating that we have to be clear that neither of us can be weird about the other dating if our friendship was to resume. I responded that I used the time we had no contact to get back in the swing of things and start dating anyway. She replied that she was so happy that I agreed and was "worried" that I wouldn't want to be friends.

I am in the process of "reinventing" myself to even the playing field and realize that it is a lengthy process.

For example, I know that I was not a challenge to her, that I was always available and far too easy going.

I now cut off contact randomly for a day or two. Tell her stories that highlight "alpha male" type activities and have not asked to see her at all. Our only contact has been through email thus far. She lives about 20 minutes from me.

One other thing. She has a history of accepting abusive relationships from men and borderline abusive relationships from business associates (male or female) and lousy friendships with women where she is usually in the subservient role. She is clearly the kind that will work to win over abusers and push away nice guys.

Does anyone have any specific suggestions that you could share with me?

I am also dating other women, so I am not in a full "Oneitis" mode.

Also, please spare me the "move on" and "forget about her" advice. I already know about that. I am looking to "flip" her while also persing others.

Thank you everyone.