What do you think of being set up by a friend



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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:45 pm 
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Recently I was set up by a friend of mine with a girl that she works with. I am good friends with this girl, she dates one of my best friends and used to live with me a couple of years ago. We are very good friends and I have hooked up with her friends in the past.
A couple of weeks ago we were hanging out at their house and my friend says that she wants to set me up with her friend and she would be coming over shortly. Sure enough she came over and it was just the four of us and we hit it off really well. We played some card games and I was kino escalating right from the begining. I could tell that she thought I was attractive, her eyes didn't lie. We had great eye contact and she started kino back.
We went out to the bar and were there for a while before my friend got real drunk and my friends had to leave, leaving us there alone. I could tell that the girl I was set up with did not want to leave, so we stayed until closing time. I walked her to her doorstep and we talked there for a long time before she asked how I was gonna get home. I was gonna walk so she offered to drive me home. I accepted and when we got back to my house I kissed her and she seemed to like it.
I got her number and she told me to call her tomorrow. I ended up not calling her because I already had plans. Called her a couple of days later and we talked for a while and I set up plans for later in the week. Called her at lunch time on the day of and we talked about what we were gonna do. I made the mistake of asking her over my house, real dumb for a first date. She ended up calling and leaving a message about an hour before we were supposed to meet up and totally flaked out.
She said she was uncomfortable coming over to my house because she didn't know me that well. So I thought things were over for sure after that cause I called her and she never called back. I called her again a couple days later and again she didn't pick up.
The next week I asked my friend that set us up what was the deal and she knew all about me asking her over my house and busted my balls for not asking her to go out anywhere but back to my house. She said that her friend was still interested and wanted to see me again. I called her again and we talked and I asked her out for dinner but she said she was too busy with school and work to do anything that week. Which did end up being true according to my friend.
We ended up going out as a group last friday but she brought along one of her childhood friends and they were talking the entire time making it hard to kick game with the girl. I ended up talking to her friend more than gaming her. It was not an ideal situation. Her and her childhood friend ended up leaving after happy hour. She said she had a lot of school work to do the next day but invited me and my friends over to her place to "see her place". We were there for a short period before I figured we should leave and we left. She was not the same girl around her chaperone. It might just have been me though not being able to get past the friend.
I want to hook up with this girl again, I do not think that she is interested though. My friend that set us up though is convinced that she still wants to hook up with me. My problem is I couldn't keep up with escalating things when her friend was around. Her friend was there as an escort, I feel like she definately brought the friend so she would not be with me alone. I also think that this girl might not be able to tell the friend that hooked us up that she has no interest in me.
I am wondering if I should keep trying to get this girl to go out with me alone, or has that ship already sailed? Has anyone out there ever been set up by a good girl friend and had it work out well. I mean I have hooked up with this girls friends in the past, but she has never set me up with one of her friends. I almost wish there wasn't a set up, I think I would have faired better. I would like to hear from anyone that has been set up successfully.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:35 pm 
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Im sorry for not reading your whole post, simply too long... But to answer your question on your subject alone. Getting set up by a friend is a very good thing.. It almost slides you through the attraction phase...

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:39 pm 
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That doesn't sound good, Gift. It could be that you put too much pressure on her by inviting her over to your house too early in the game and now she's creeped out. Another possibility is that you may have exhibited low standards by not screening her more before inviting her over. She might think you're a player or desperate or something. In any case, she's in a position where the matchmaker did her a favor and hooked her up with you and she doesn't like the goods. She doesn't want to insult the matchmaker.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:48 pm 
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I feel like it's not gonna work out, but I will call her one more time and set up a date, if she says she is busy this time, I will not ask her again. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure on this set up, I think it's way more stressful when you are set up, cause if it doesn't work out you look like you have weak game.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:24 pm 
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I don't think a date is a good idea if the situation has become high pressure. Dates have to be casual and comfortable. If she's bringing other people with her when she goes out with you, then she's feeling pretty uncomfortable around you. You need to back off and build comfort with her in a more casual situation if you can set it up. Maybe take her out with a group of friends or something.

That's my advice. Take it with a grain of salt because I wasn't there and don't know the whole story.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:25 am 
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Well the set's clearly blown. But, no set is ever finished if you DHV enough. Just a matter of - Is the juice worth the squeeze?

If you really want to save this, you need to DHV a lot. Then maybe ask her out again. If you just keep asking her out and failing, you look needy, so prob's want to wait a bit.

It seems to me, like your not leading. If i went out with a girl, and her friend was there, i'd be leading and the girls would never be talking amongst themselves. Unless i specifically wanted them to.

You need to hold the conversation, by making it interesting, telling stories, and being fun. Make sure you let the girls reply, and LISTEN to them.

But also, if they're going offtopic & making things boring, cut the conversational thread, and replace it with something interesting.

Remember, even if you don't say a word, and the conversation is boring, or the night is boring. You get the blame, because the nights about seeing you.

So in conclusion, sound like you didn't lead, and may not have DHV'd enough.

I was in a similar situation earlier. A girl was opening me, I already had high value. I wasn't very interested, so pretty much let the conversation die. She keep re-opening. I let it die. Eventually she got bored as my value decreased, and finally left.

I was high value before this conversation, now she left thinking i was low value. What happened? I didn't lead.

Always have interesting conversation. Make everything you say and do, interesting. Be fun, be creative.

Then you'll have it down.

Wolfus


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