I posted this somewhere else but I wanna get as much input as possible. I apologize in advance for the long read, I just wanted to make everything clear.


Here is my situation...


There's this beautiful girl that I like. She's a HUGE pot head... she loves to smoke like everyday. She recently broke up with her boyfriend about 2 weeks ago (she's been dating him for 2 years!). I never knew her boyfriend or much about their relationship, and I don't know if she's depressed about the breakup (she might be).

I've met this girl a few months back, and we used to hang out on occasions, although with other mutual friends that we had. The hanging out always consisted of all of us smoking together. Recently I've been getting a lot more comfortable with her and I've been inviting her myself to hang out 1 on 1. Every time I hang out with her I smoke her out, and that's usually the main reason I invite her. And I do interesting things with her like taking her to a nice spot with a good city view to smoke a blunt or something. Or I take her to some random friend's places to have big smoke sessions. She doesn't know that many people, but I happen to know a shit ton of people... so I've been taking her around and introducing her to many of my friends (I try to be an alpha male of whatever group I'm in when she's around). Every time we hang out she ends up having a good time, I'm pretty sure of that.

I text her quite frequently and the good thing is that she sometimes texts me out of the blue too. So I have a feeling that she enjoys hanging out with me or us (my roommates are usually around too when she comes over). She usually texts me and asks me what I'm up to. We hung out last night and here's an example of our texts if it helps:

Her: hey what r u doin
Me: Abt to chill, u?
Her: nothin. been studyin. need a break
Me: im actually driving near ur dorm, what me to pick u up?
Her: oh ok. can u bring me back in an hour?

That's usually how we start hanging out. Yesterday we smoked in my room, got high as shit, she met more of my friends, and then I dropped her off (she stayed like 2 hours). She's a very chill person, no drama, no bullshit, and I always feel a genuine vibe form her. She's very cool and she's drop dead gorgeous (i'm sure she knows it too)... she's taller than me (but she was taller than her ex bf too!).



Anyway, that's the background... Now for the questions/advice..

Like I said I've been hanging out with her a lot recently. She doesn't really know many people on campus and as I mentioned she recently broke up after a long relationship. It seems like she's usually in her room not doing anything. So I'm trying to take advantage of this and I've been giving her some attention and trying to show her a good time whenever she's lonely.

Am I doing the right thing or do you think I'm giving her too much attention?

Do you think I'm following a path right into her "friend zone"? If that's the case how do I stay out of it?

How do I find out if she's into me at all?

Also, how do I take it to the next level? I'm comfortable enough to hang out with her and have random conversations. But what else should I do? I rather take her out sometimes... I'm trying to get her to go clubbin and bar hopping with me and some friends... but what else?

I'm a little cocky and a little mean to her sometimes. Should I start being more flirty with her too? How can I approach her without freaking her out or endangering our friendship?



Anyway, any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!

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Some people are like slinkys, not really good for anything but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

Sounds like your quite possibly already in the friends zone. If you already hang out a lot, and don't get IOI's you're probably there. Is the conversation flirty or just standard "random chat"?

If you are in the friends zone, you need to DHV alot, you'll reach a point where she'll give you IOI's & start flirting with you.

When your there, you're essentially in mystery's Comfort stage. You've got attraction & some comfort.

Sounds like you've probably got no/little attraction & too much comfort. Just balance them out.


Continue building attraction, kino & flirting (bait-hook-reel-release) & you'll eventually hit seduction.


Wolfus

The Key out of the LJBF zone is kino escalation and invoking emotional responses.

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Remember though, Kino & emotional responses on their own will feel out of place, and create awkwardness. It's like opening a set and saying "Hey nice tits, let's have sex" You'll come off creepy.

That's why you balance the comfort and attraction as well

Wolfus

I see, thanks for the advice Wolfus! Our conversations are usually not flirty but I don't blame her because I never start it or even give her any hints that I'm interested in her. I don't expect her to randomly start being flirty with me out of the blue, especially when she just got out of a long relationship.

She texted me today, she wanted to hang but I told her I was busy (I wasn't and it was really hard to do that!! lol).


I think I'm doing pretty good in the DHV part. But what are some subtle ways I can kind of be flirty with her? What kind of things should I say? I don't wanna freak her out if by any chance she doesn't expect that from me.

If we're both fucked up in a club and close to each other do you think I should just move in for a kiss?

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Some people are like slinkys, not really good for anything but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

Okay so your definitely in the friendship zone. & now you've just DHV'd that your not always available because you lead an interesting life. So neediness & comfort have dropped slightly. and you've gained a fraction of attraction.

Remember though, don't always ignore her for the sake of ignoring her. If you take it too far she'll become disinterested. Try and actually be busy.

As for being flirty, you need to build it into the frame, one step at a time.

I find msn helps this transition, because you can have several separate conversations into a short amount of time.

I consider flirting essentially "Bait hook reel release" and shit tests.

This is how a Bait-Hook-Reel-Release would go if a girl turned up at my door:

Me: Come in (Lots of energy)
Her: haha *walks in*
Me: Give me a hug (Compliance test - bait)
Her: *hugs me* (Complies - hook)
Me: You know in france they kiss instead of hug *points to cheek* (Reel)
Her: She complies and kisses my cheek
Me: Ew, you just slobbered all over my face! (release)


If at any point she doesn't comply, simply release. releasing is simply a neg.

Bare in mind before you start using this you already have to have attraction, and comfort to a certain point. You'll know when your there, because it won't seem awkward.

Continue your DHV's (you will need a lot to balance the comfort), So power on with that. Then when the attractions clearly there, throw these in, add kino and your good.

Remember, attraction is crucial, so watch out for those shit tests. You'll probably get a lot.

Wolfus

In situations relating to the ljbf topic, I really like Deangelo's Double Your Dating stuff. in your "random conversations" try to make them more cocky than funny, which is a definite DHV.

If a girl has too much comfort... dhv dhv and dhv. neg and neg. It's always good to be busy, but yeah ignoring the target is never a universally good thing if just done for the sake of doing it.

stories that I like to use that are funny.

while intoxicated at a house party, I tried to hug a cop who busted the party. He threw me on the ground and said "You never, ever hug a cop!" and i said "That's the saddest rule I've ever heard in my life!"

-true story by the way, but that says people invite me to parties, i'm comfortable to do something like this, and its definitely funny. with the right delivery that is.

Talk about how you saw a bear in the woods. how you went rock climbing. how you went to like burning man coachella, bonarroo or some cool festival. how your in a rock band. whatever.

Neg her when your around her. also, don't let her mooch off the grass and if you do, call her out on being a moocher. (you have better people to smoke out)

Thanks a lot guys! lol I like your story mrcoffee999888, that's pretty funny.

I'll probably hang out with her this weekend, i'll let you guys know if anything happens.

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Some people are like slinkys, not really good for anything but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.