I guess that's what it's called for this situation.

Alright I don't know how important background info is for a good response but ill give it anyway. I dated this girl for a little over a year in high school (granted 3 years removed) and was he first...ya know. We had our stupid h.s. relationships issues and blah blah. Break up was sour, mainly because it was my fault it happened anyway.

about 5 months after we broke up she started dating this another guy, who I happened to know (not one of my boys, but someone I had regular conversation with in school). The issues between me and her were resolved that same year, no bitterness at all. keep in mind she is still dating this same pencil-d*cked yerkoff from h.s.

Since graduating we really haven't talk on a regular basis, but do have conversation every once in awhile (mainly holidays; xmas, birthdays, evidently yesterday's valentines day, etc). Most of the times little things from when we were dating get brought up in conversation, and most of the time is by her or she share some tidbit of information with me that i wouldn't expect her too. A few times they resulted in us getting together over coffee or something to "catch up" on things. these little "dates" never go anywhere, it's just

"what have you been up to?"
"hows school?"
"hows the family?"

blah blah blah

and then we go about our merry way and another 2 or 3 months go by before one of us finds an excuse to contact the other.

well last week was her birthday (she was 21) so I figured it would be one of those times to say what's up.

me: "happy birthday, can i buy you a drink lol"
her: "lololol thanks!!! how was 21st? im totally sorry i didn't say happy birthday, i meant to "
me: it's fine, what are ur plans...blah blah
her: "went out with priscilla (mutual friend of ours) and some peeps (prolly her bf)" blah blah more small talk
me: i brought up how r u gonna celebrate, i hear you don't drink anymore (apparently her bf convinced her not to drink-she used to be a real gnarly chick)
her: "Not since senior year after you guys beat pv (football game) at that after party. idk if you remember (remember when i said stuff gets brought while we were dating, well we nailed in the br at that party)
me: "lol ofcourse i remember...sr year football is always a topic of discussion with me"

then basicially to make this already long story shorter i told i wanted to take her next weekend and well have a belated birthday celebration for the both of us. she agreed and told me that since the restaurant she worked at got sold she's out of her 2nd job and "i'm free a lot more!"

so that brought us to this weekend which i totally forgot was valentines day. she has a boyfriend so clearly it wasn't going down this weekend. so while i was at work today, textedd sayin somethin along the lines of i forgot it was valentines day, what do u saw we get together in the coming week/weekend. again her complying with my request and again her mentioning how much free time she had now.

we carried out a text conversation for most of the day, not so much "catch up material" just bullshit that was going on at the time.

in the middle of the convo "YO! my sis got engaged, like JUST NOW!" and sure enough it was to her boyfriend that that she started dating while me and her were. "to Mikey B you met him before, remember?" (again things that occured while we dated come up in discussion.

im sorry for the novel guys i just want to give the low down, its a tricky situation for me and i was wonderin what ya'll would be thinkin right about now. obviously im goin to take her somewhere later in the week, jsut do u think the bf would be an obstacle or not? how should i go about this?

i know its like the size of a stephen king book, but id really appreciate the advice.

it's not like id been drooling over this girl for the past 3 years if that's what you guys are thinkin. its nothing like that-just somethin that cmes up every once in awhile.

Your guess is as good as mine bro, i'm not sure about non of this. my opinion ( and just an opinion ) would be just go for it, shes 21, shes not an old merried lady, at the age shes in who cares if shes in a relationship, shes not tied down. Give it a shot i'd say.

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"Crushing requires a crushing mood" Miyamoto Musashi

yea, that's what's been running through my head.

but is there any different way of going about, i guess gaming-getting to that point with someone you already have history with. cuz ill bet she still remembers my ins and outs pretty damn well?

Well first in my opinion I would have never said I forgot it was Valentines Day girls love when you remember that shit.

Second, it seems like right now you two are on the friends zone you need to kick it into high gear. She seems like a really cool chick it looks like.

Do you want to get out of friends zone?
It seems like right now you do. I think you do like this chick and you have a past that's not the best.

On the upside everyone changes over time and it didn't work out before so, maybe it will now since you are learning more GAME. Also, learning more about yourself.

I say continue with what you have been learning and use it on her if it doesn't work oh well there's only 1.9 billion girls out there.

good point, i didn't even realize that...
yea I'd say were in the friends zone. friends who talk a few times out of the year. yea real chill girl, cheerleader, dancer, and gnarly snowboarder (my favorite part)
care about? yes. want to spend time with? i mean ofcourse, of how often is it you can go boardin with a chick and she can keep up with you? but have feelings for? wouldn't take that far at this point. weve been broken up for almost 4 years.


great advice. just one question. should i come at her as if she didn't have a boyfriend? or is that something i shouldn't try to step on right out of the gate?

like is there a BF Destroyer thread someone can send me a link to? because that is now where my question lies.

Bro I picked up this HB9 recently (funny enough I've just told "puajourney" all about it) and her ex is trying everything to get her back...
He's failing miserably 99.9% of the time because he's making it too obvious he wants her back.
She just wants to be friends with him but every now and then she'll tell me something with him that's happened that stirs up old feeling, and it has nothing to do with them exclusively or their situation.
The things that stir her up is when he's in a particuarly good mood and feeling confident, I hate to admit it but he unknowingly plays the game on her... (Hope he dosent find out about PUA's)
What she enjoys most is when he teases her and gives her shit... push/pull DHV escalating Kino... he doesnt even know he's doing it but he's playing the game and its throwing me off.. well not really, I have you guys helping me AMOG him and thankfully he's still very insecurite (poor chap) and he blows it and pushes her the fuck away.
Maybe going back to basics with her is the answer?

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Peace, Finchy!

ya good idea, i hit her up via text to today actually, we were talking about getting together this weekend. i wanted to hit her up to make definitive plans. unfortunately we had conflicting schedules so it isn't gonna happen. tell me how i did.

coming back from snowboarding...

ME: "I just saw a blonde girl eat shit on the mountain and it reminded me of you lol"
HER: lololol well i nevvverrr bust my ass so idk it would have made you think of me...jk! was she at least doing something kool, like a jump or a rail?"
ME: "well if you consider hoppin off the lift something kool-lol. so are you coming to the bar this weekend?"
HER: "i'm sure she looked like a badass and thats y she reminded you of me!"

she then told me she had cheer practice until late saturday and i have to work friday night...so i guess not gonna work out. after that i just continued the convo with.

ME: "eric (friend of ours who i ride with) and i were talkin and we need a gnarly chick for our crew, why dont you try out and if you good enough well put you in our video."
HER: "good enough? who taught who how to snowboard mr?" (she actually did teach me while we were dating)

the conversation then carried one for a lil more after that, just me teasing her here and there. seemed to go well.

but thats "push-pull" method right? think i did an ok job? anything i should have don differently?

I think that went really well bro, she was constantly looking for validation with every reply and you stood your ground.
I wouldn't have invited her directly to the bar though, I would have made out that you're going no matter what and get her to ask you to join you.
Remember you're the prize.
You: I'm going to the bar this weekend. What you up to?
She'll probably try get you to invite her... she might genuinely be busy but even so, everyone likes to get an invite.
But you've also got to reward her here and there doing things thats making you ground.

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Peace, Finchy!

you think hitting her up sometime this week with the

"hey i'm going to get coffee, what r you doin?"

blah blah

"sounds good, im going to to come pick you up"

something along those lines-i saw a routine like that somewhere on the forum i jsut can't find it anymore.

you know like you said reward her since the bar thing didn't work out?

You bought her a drink on her birthday when she forgot yours. You backed out of plans on V-day weekend because you were being considerate of her relationship. You came off a little AFC at first.

I'm confused, her sister got engaged to her boyfriend? Or she got engaged?



After your second SMS conversation, I'd say you're starting to make up for the earlier conversation.

However, if she's engaged now, you've got your work cut out.

1. I did actually buy her the drink, i just offered it.

2. I agree, offering the drink when she forgot mine and backing out of the plans was rather AFCish. That was pre-puaforum however.

3. Her sister got engaged.

4. After reading some of the things on this forum, i used so of the advice that ppl are giving. I'm really trying to learn here, and it's helping me out in some way. so all the advice is greatly appreciated.

Yeah you're doing alright now. Just don't forget to escalate kino.

Kino is the key out of a friend zone. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but unless you actually touch her, you'll be that one special buddy she never sleeps with (again) forever.



There was a link I saved a while back about how to properly escalate kino, but I can't find it at the moment. If I do, I'll post it here. Do a search - I'm sure you'll find something.

Basically, you start with non-sexual kino. Touching her arm, shoulder, hugging, etc.

Touching her hand and holding it longer than you're supposed to, holding her around her waist, is next.

Move on to touching her hair, face, thigh, light kissing is here too.

Then you can move into sensual kissing, sexual touching.


Hopefully you can figure the rest out.

Just remember, 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

Go go go man, I'd agree you're doing well and CharlieO's advice it bril...
give it all a go, we've all got your back and are her for your support.

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Peace, Finchy!

thanks guys! everyone is so nice on this forum.

should i wait to see if she contacts me, or i contact her how much would be too much?