Hi guys... I've been thinking about posting this for a while, and I've finally got the motivation to do it, so here it is.

about me:
22yo, average sized, fairly good looking, have a GF for 3 years now, live in switzerland, want to become a film director

the problem (now):
I'm currently stuck in my head, in my personality. When I see people, meet people, all but close friends I think to hard about what to talk about and finally talk about lame shit, or tell a story that doesn't interest them (at least it seems that way). I feel I'm not funny. The only time I'm really enjoying and so are people around me is when I'm drinking... Sometimes I see people I know, and I ignore them or get passed them because I don't know what to say to them. I hate akward pauses (haha).

BEFORE (about 2-3 years ago):
had no problem talking with strangers, was fun, people enjoyed talking to me, found me funny, all was good (but I still kind of froze in front of HB), I was social, knew alot of people and didn't constantly think about what they were thinking

the possible reason(s):
could be a few/one of these things:
- discovering the game (it's been 1 year now since I read Neil's book, the 1st thing that got me into game) and reading-learning to much

- suddenly realizing that I'm kind of popular and then think about and "ruin it" (like start acting in a way so that I "stay" popular)

- just the fact that I'm growing up, my personality and all is shifting, and that this is kind of a normal phase

- tried a few to many drugs that "opened a door" in my mind, that I can't close (EGO) ... even though I doubt shrooms, salvia and stuff like that will do that, I think they're good for the mind actually

- .... you got any idea ????


Voilà, there it is... It's been driving me nuts and I've searched around for an answer, haven't found it yet !

_________________
- BigBeatBoy

Well, maybe it's time to start working on your inner game. Banned substances are banned for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is that it stuffs around with your personality - sometimes damaging it permanently. You're still young so stop the sh^t and get your inner game going.

Yeah Inner Game is definitely the issue here...

But what would you recommend for me to read / study / do about the whole "don't know what to talk about"... ?

Its totally lame, I can't even enjoy conversations with guys like... I can't stop thinking about the next thing to say to avoid awkward blanks and silences...

I read a great post from Salomon II about not giving a shit, which I believe is key. But what about a general concepts for keeping the dialogs interesting and fun ?

_________________
- BigBeatBoy

I think inner game is an issue but as for telling stories, the best way to learn to be a good story teller is to watch other great story tellers. Standup comedians are amazing at telling stories, they could be chatting about how they went to the shop and bought a loaf of bread but because of the energy and enthusiasm you can't help but get wrapped up in it. Also Mystery is a hero when it comes to telling stories, so yar watch some chapelle and Mystery and think about the qualities and tone of voice etc they use.


I just remembered another classic bit of story telling Tarrantino's joke in Desperado, it is awesome.

_________________
Troll the trolls
free book http://www.4shared.com/file/123140320/b ... ndows.html

Although substances can potentially cause some damage, I seriously don't think that's your problem.

You said that you were much more comfortable about 3 years ago AND you also said that you have been in a relationship for about 3 years. Could it simply be that your social life and level of interaction with other people have changed?

You mentioned worrying about what other people are thinking and looking for the right thing to say. It helps me to remember that the other person is probably thinking the same thing. "Does this person like me?", "Was that funny?", etc...

I say just get out there and start talking to people. Talk to strangers that you come across at the mall or grocery store. Not targets, just people. Make yourself smile all of the time. Just do it bro...

Good conversational topics can be found in everyday things. Keeping your eyes on current matters - read the newspaper or watch the news -there's unlimited fluffing materal availabe when you keep your eyes open. Talking to lots of people about stuff that's happening around you will be good groundwork for developing your story telling as well.

I agree with BigJohn on the newspaper front, my job demands holding a conversation with a certain amount of clout, and reading a newspaper every day makes my life 100 times easier. Within the first 5 pages youve read something suitable for 90% of people out there - fill the remaining 10% with a bit of tactical elaboration

Im from the UK, and having my homepage set to BBC news also helps, because I always pick up today's headlines at a minimum.

two things can help you here:

cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT):
essentially, when you think (x will happen if i do y) tell yourself you are being stupid and that isn't true.


ACT:
(when applicable) when you think "i am afraid of x happening) think about what would result from x, and realize that it is something minimal and insignificant.

Try keeping a journal. . . a diary of sorts with a focus on conversation.

At the end of the day, just write down everything that's only your mind nd just let your keyboard/pen just keep moving without a care of outcome. This isn't school, you're not being graded, and nobody else will read this . . . right?

Many things can happen here but I think in your case, I can see 2 benefits of keeping a journal like this.

1. You'll think back to certain situations and you'll find yourself suggesting to yourself what you could have said: "Oh . . . when Jimmy and Susie were talking about looking for puppies, I guess I could have suggested that new pet store in my neighborhood . . . ha ha . . . in fact, I think I saw a cute terrier in there . . ."

2. As you write your thoughts, you're likely to see for yourself issues that were difficult to pinpoint when you didn't give yourself a chance to self reflect through writing. Our minds have a way of "protecting" itself through mysterious hide and seek games. When you write things down, you'll often find yourself feeling similar emotions as you did during the actual events. You'll have more clues to the source of those emotions.

Worth a try . . .

Co2boi wrote Talk (open) as many people as you can and after awhile that drink you have in your hand wont matter, maybe you just havnt met enough people yet.... Get Out More, your girlfriend can hold your hand and be your wing...

Remember that most people are just as AA and stuff as you, drink and drugs will soften the barriers as you have experienced but create the illusion you are expanded in mind ,etc. Both are short term and will not do you any good in reality, strangers are easier to talk to as they dont know you and you dont feel you are being judged.

As for story telling, most times you need to consider what that person is into and do you find it interesting, show your interest in them and they will open up. Lame shit? is only a start point move on.

First make a list of your hobbies, passions, work experiences, travels and as mentioned current news.. these all are good topics that can be expanded.
You started to tell in your post about who you were and stuff but unlike any story you read it didnt have any padding or possible spinoffs.

Write out a story of a holiday you had, first start at how you decided to go where you went and remember the place and feeling of it. look at this story and see if you missed out any details, like who you met and what they were doing, ..

Now you have a story think about the situation that story could be used, practice a story on your GF (how did you attract her? was it a story and could you tell us)
A lie is a story, short but fictional.
Dont forget YOU are capable to tell stories and stand up infront of people, when asked most in the audience couldnt do it (as I found out myself) unless they were forced.

I could go on but this looks long enough to bore you, this can be as difficult to do (post topics etc) as talking to strangers
J1f