K, My first post and DIEING to figure this out... I'm 19, Virgin, and cant figure out wtf im doing wrong. I'm Pretty damn good looking and decently comfortable around women. Don't get me wrong brothers, I've had quite a few oportunities... but always seem to fall apart... Whether it be because i don't follow through or because its my friends girl. Regardless... HERES MY QUESTION--------------How can I shake what i really am? a 19 yr old virgin. You know? I feel like I've attempted it all. I want to be (or be seen rather, as;) that hot guy that ISN'T desperate... WTF am i doin wrong???

By the way most of my hits are at house partys per say. Couple of my friends hanging out. Also to make it worse i dont drink or smoke...help me PLEASE!!!! (Tops 8 ppl most of the time.)

Your problem starts with inner game.

First, you need to be comfortable with yourself. Most guys go through like thinking that they are a "half, looking for the other half, to make a whole." Wrong. You, my friend, should be complete as a person regardless of how many girls you have.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Write down 3 things you don't like- then work to change them. Then write down 5 things you do like- then embrace them. Now, you should find more things to like about yourself than dislike.

Second, you need to accept who you are. You don't smoke or drink- that's a good thing. Alcohol and tobacco are chains- never wish them on yourself. It's okay not to do them- I'm gonna go the rest of my life without them- I don't need them anymore.

Embrace your virginity- only loose it to a girl you actually care about. In fact, use that as a DHV in the field. That's a powerful card you have- use it wisely.

Third, meet people. Talk to everyone. Become more social. When you know people, they will want to get to know you back. Develop relationships with everyone, and then really, REALLY focus on deepening them.

There's nothing wrong with what you are doing- just miscalibrated. If you don't have it, I highly suggest "The Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss. It's perfect for your situation. Other than that, work on self-improvement, and keep us posted.

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-The good can never be measured, but the great can never be controlled-

What exactly do you think is wrong about your persona that needs to be changed?

_________________
Lo' there do I see My Father.
Lo' there do I see the line of My People, back to the beginning.
Lo' they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them.
in the Halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever.

First off, let me say thanks to lefty....very insightful. And to Fiction... What is wrong with my persona is; I keep getting looked at as a VIRGIN and almost as... can't think of the word but less than, not equal to them. As if I'm a kid in a way... and im far from it im very experienced in life... How can i viewed as that?

start being ballsy, take chances get shot down and learn from it! seriously write the shit down that you would do different if you could do them over if you have to "I have". After a while you will have this handled and when situations come up you will know how to deal with it. I have taught myself to escalate much faster and I never knew how fast you can move if you have a strong inner game.

Is that all? Meaning you are confident, assertive, a good conversationalist, have friends, etc.? Just spit balling, but I'm going to guess this isn't the case, otherwise you wouldn't be a virgin.

In any case, be proud you're a virgin. Nothing wrong with it. Shit dude, you're only 19, not 40...what's the big deal? This is how you should look at it, even if it isn't what you tell other people. Your virginity is a gift. You don't have to save it for your wife, but don't give it to some random slut. Hell, I got laid last weekend, but felt dirty the next morning because we didn't have any connection at all.

If you are sleeping with someone you want to have as your girlfriend, tell her that it is your first time, and she'll probably be incredibly touched that she is "the One".

If it is just some girl, you can opt not to tell her, or you can tell her afterwards. I would recommend against telling her prior because it would make things awkward and she might refuse because she will feel guilty or something.

I told the girl I had sex with for the first time afterwards, because she told me that I was a stallion in the sack and I wanted the additional ego boost of telling her it was my first time.

_________________
Lo' there do I see My Father.
Lo' there do I see the line of My People, back to the beginning.
Lo' they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them.
in the Halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever.

Well I AM a good conversationalist....so long as i have a good friend next to me. By myself...it gets ugly...lol and as far as the virginity thing...you know losing to someone i care about...well I kinda tried that a week or 2 ago...FUCKIN HORRIFIC.... this chick ive basically LOVED for like 2 years...eck man. I had to tell her how i felt online (over myspace)-personally felt that fucked it right then and there but- because i couldnt get a hold of her or get her to come out with me for like a week i tried...long story man....make it short she hasnt told me no or anything...but she DEFINATELY didnt embrass it by ANY MEANS... truth be told she hasnt replied or talked to me for like a fuckin week. LMFAO, wooo talk about CRASH AND MOTHERFUCKIN BURN!!! So I figure fuck it you know. I mean that shit hurts! so........ I figure it will help dramatically if i can get a hot ass chick to show off to her so she can see my worth... and on top of that i figured id practice on the hot chick until something came about with the girl that i fuckin hate that i love.... thanks for the reply by the way

Yeah, that was stupid. Don't tell a woman how you feel until they tell you first. Remember--women want dominant men, they want to be forced to invest in their men. You just gave all your chips up right there? Where is the mystery? The intrigue? The struggle against great odds to win your heart?

Yeah dude, you messed up. Now I know this will be hard, and chances are you won't abide by it, but you need to be told this about ten times before it will actually stick--don't get some hot chick to show off for the girl you want. You need to seek out a hot chick (or multiple hot chicks) and build a relationship with her. But the focus here should be you and your relationships, not the other girl.

When you follow this advice, you will be a much happier person.

And don't sweat it man, I've poured out my heart to a girl before--it happens to the best of us.

_________________
Lo' there do I see My Father.
Lo' there do I see the line of My People, back to the beginning.
Lo' they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them.
in the Halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever.