Every so often, I get this particular breed of super enthusiasm from a girl I’m on a first date with. She starts talking about us almost like we’re a couple, brings up ideas of future plans she might want to have with me (trips, etc.), and even initiates sexual subjects. The following day, if she doesn’t disappear completely, I will simply be getting a very cold brushing off type of message that she’s not interested in being in touch with me ever again.

I’m always puzzled by this and am interested in knowing more about where it comes from. Concurrently, I can also spot this behavior a mile away once it starts up.

A recent Saturday was no exception. This behavior is usually a red flag for me to not play ball with, but the only thing is, once this girl started acting like this, it was now later on in the night, and I was now several drinks in.

I met a girl off of OKCupid. We texted for about a week prior to meeting. One of the topics was about Asian women and white men, and how they are generally very compatible with each other, and typically prefer each other. (She’s Asian, and I believe we got started on the topic because she asked if I had ever dated an Asian girl before. I replied that there have been quite a few and that I particularly enjoy Asian girls.) She mentioned that she would be very interested in discussing really deep and complicated topics with me.

I had to drive well out of town to meet up with her. (So did she, but from the another direction) I relied on her for location-specific stuff because I didn’t know the town. She suggests a Thai restaurant that’s part of the building where she works. Dinner was fine, very surface level discussion and I was honestly getting a little bored. She’s very attractive; I’d say 8.5+

As dinner is winding down, I mentioned that I drove past this really upscale shopping/dining place with a lot of outdoor stuff. It also has a restaurant which is a Spanish themed chain in this area (but really good). I suggested that we go there as a second spot and have a couple drinks. They have really good sangria and a lot of loungey couch-type seating areas. She drives, and we leave my car at the parking lot of her office building.

We have a whole pitcher of Sangria. Conversation is fine; the venue is fine. I suggest a third place, because at this particular “Towne Center” they have a place right across the way that’s also a local bar chain. She comes with me to a third spot. By this point we’ve already made out several times.

There’s now scarcely a moment when she’s not either holding my hand (even if I’m just running up to the bar to locate our server and get our check) or doesn’t have a hand on me in some way.

We go in and find a private corner booth way in the back away from most people. The conversation and touching starts getting ramped up!

- She asked if like women with asses. I told her it’s okay but not the main thing I look for. Just as long as they’re not really fat or flat. She says that she has a better ass than most Chinese girls do (true) because she works out on that specifically when she goes to the gym five times a week.

- She asks me if I like sex. I say, yeah, and express that I like blowjobs particularly. She says “Like when a girl sucks it back and forth like this?” (while she starts giving me a light handjob through my jeans under the table). I stop her and say “Come on now, you gotta stop that, we’re in public. Someone could see us.”

- Somehow the topic of dick size and body type/size/height compatibility comes up. When I mentioned how long I am hard, she answers “Wow! You’d be like...in my stomach!”

Other things that jump out at me in the conversation:

- she tells me I’m a really good looking guy.

- I tell her next time we need to do this on my side of town. She says “Yeah! I want to see your place! I’ll pack a bag.”

- “I’ll spend the night at your place next time.”

- “I want us to go on trips together.”

- I mentioned that I like girls who like to be feminine and sexy and like to wear sexy lingerie. She says “I need to get some then.”

The night goes on and gets to probably within 30 minutes of last call, and I’ve got several drinks in me by now. She’s gone light on the alcohol, certainly not drunk. I’m also a good 50 minutes from home.

Since I’ve picked up the checks from both of the 2 first places, sometime during the night I told her she could get the check for the third place. (As in I got the first couple rounds, so you can get the next) She said “Sure” without hesitation or attitude.

I know there’s a lot of differing mentality about splitting checks and asking her to pay the whole thing or paying the whole check yourself on a first date is a sign of weakness and that that’s something that has to be “earned”, and to be honest, I’m not interested in that mental masturbation.

There’s no definitive answer on the payment of checks in my experience, and I think that was handled well, unless anyone has something extremely, extremely insightful that I missing here…

After the check is settled, I mention to her “You know, I noticed that hotel, just as I was driving into the office park where that Thai place is. I’m about an hour from home and have had a lot to drink. I don’t think I should chance it and get on the road. I think I should stay the night here.” She agrees.

I tell her she can come in but I warn her that, being this buzzed, we probably wouldn’t be having sex (I hadn’t brought a “love glove” with me as well, but didn’t mention that part). She says that’s no problem.

On our way out I get us a round of shots at the front bar. (I pay)

She takes me to my car and we drive separately to the hotel (the hotel is only right around the corner.)

At the hotel counter when I’m checking in, I’m drunk and trying to be funny, and when I’m asked how many keys I need, I said “I’ll take two; she’s not staying with me, she’s just here to tuck me in.”

The night desk guy says “Yep, that’s how you do it, Asians, they take care of you. They definitely make sure everything’s all right.”

I comment that this area must be awesome that you can say not politically correct stuff and it’s cool. “See I’m from XXXXX, and if I said something like that, someone would say to me (using a gay voice) ‘Thcuse me??!!’” The girl laughs hysterically.

We go up to the room. Major making out. I take her dress off and suck, lick, rub, and squeeze her tits. She handles my dick, which, while standing to a attention somewhat, is making it clear that there won’t be any performance.

I start to finger her and she starts moaning but then tells me to stop and that she doesn’t want to be too turned on like that tonight.

So I’m drunk, and to be honest, she’s probably buzzed by now, and we kind of both just lie on the bed facing each other and chatting for maybe 20 minutes-ish.

Eventually she says “well, let me go ahead and get home.“

I walk her to the door, we make out passionately at the door. When she steps out into the hallway, She tells me “Put the locks on when you close the door, be safe.” (Which is kind of weird because this is an extremely low crime type of area.)

My phone is now at 1%, and it’s in power save mode with the screen dimmed.

I wake up the next morning and check it, there is no text or message of any kind.

I already know that something is up. It’s just a feeling I have.

I then text her, “hey, did you get home alright / everything okay?” No response.

So I sleep late, then it gets to a point where I’m thinking “Okay, what am I doing here? I’m in some hotel in this area about an hour from home, and have no requirement nor desire to be here, it’s time to just go home. So I take a shower and hit the road.

By early afternoon, I text her that I had a great time with her and wanted to see if everything’s okay. My message, Instead of being sent as an iMessage to her iPhone, there is a long delay and then it says “sent as SMS text message”. This is a sign that your number has either been blocked or she is in an underground bunker or something. I believe that ultimately ended up happening to my first message to her that day.

I try calling; I have a way of getting through if your number is blocked. She picks up saying “Hello?”

I say “Hey XXXX! It’s Rob! How’re you doing?”

“Click.” Yes she just hung right up.

I later leave her a voicemail that I’m just trying to find out what’s wrong here and what the problem is, maybe if it was something I did. I mentioned that after all the time that we spent and all the fun that it seems we had, just disappearing on me like this is pretty inconsiderate.

She texts me later: “You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just looking for a guy who’s not as talkative.”

I asked her what that meant...?. We had a lot of interesting discussions and she talked easily as much as me, and asked the questions, I didn’t understand.

She texts back, “I just don’t think it’s a good fit.”

Okay so what happened here??!!

Are any of you guys also Familiar with this level of enthusiasm (especially sexually) on the first date followed by nothing?

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Sounds like she wanted sex but you were acting like you didn't want it pretty much the whole time. The moment she shown resistance, you decided that you guys should have a conversation. She was telling that she was turned on and you gave her female blue balls.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

Yeah basically that.

To add, if you wanted to sleep with this chick come with a plan. The hotel thing was good, and the excuse that you were too drunk as well, but make sure you're not drunk. Drink beers or lightly. Also if you had a plan, one place to meet would have been fine, then back to the hotel.

Please stop almost stalking chicks afterwards. Chick doesnt reply, move on. No need to call over and over and sneak your way into a convo. If she doesnt reply or reach out to you, move the fuck on.

That was an improvement though. You have to admit, after her text that she “didn’t see the fit“, not following up with “WHAT??!! F YOOOOOUUUU!!!!” but simply letting it go at that point, is certainly an improvement.

We all want answers, especially if you have such a great night like that and have such a level of disappearance. It would be totally understandable if the night was more blah and then I never hear back from her… That almost wouldn’t even warrant a follow-up text.

Regarding the preparations for sex, I certainly didn’t show up at that place expecting that level of buying temperature, and that kind of likelihood that I could be fucking her that night. It was simply one drink lead to another and then… Yeah, I’m not accustomed to getting that kind of reception often at all.

The hotel was really to avoid DUI jail, and it was fun to bring her up for that moment.

She didn’t want to be turned on through fingering, and she well knew that I wouldn’t be able to give her the D.

I don’t know what else to say.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

I'm assuming this is after three or four of your texts and calls that she doesn't reply to the next day.

It's not some "mystery".

don't be, because it's quite clear.

Unless it's a hotel or your place, that's two places too many.


She's acting like the sexually dominant one.

She's acting like the sexually dominant one, basically desperate for you to steer the conversation to sex and escalate.




zzz... three places, last call. All this reads like you're afraid of sex.


What the fuck?


You need to worry way less about drinking, and more about performing.
Comments like this make me wonder if this is a troll account.



So you didn't even try to make her orgasm? LOL. Sex without an orgasm is like the NFL without a football.


OMG! Panic! Make sure you reach out a bunch of times to falsely nullify your insecurities.


Yes, a self-fulfilling prophecy of neurotic behavior and emotionally-unhinge responses.

That's when, as an emotionally-centered man, you wait for her response. If she doesn't respond, you move on. I've had girls respond DAYS later. Some MONTHS later. But guess what? If you don't act like a spazz and blown up their phone, they want another date.




Jesus christ. 95% of men fail to grasp this. When you text a brand new woman, and she doesn't respond, you WAIT for her to respond. When double/triple text her again (especially on the same day) it conveys that you are an emotionally-uncentered man with too few options, and too much time on his hands.

Women deal with these kinds of chodes constantly, and it's an immediate red flag and cause for being "nexted".


This is probably where she realized you have zero control of your emotions, and decided to move on.



Completely unhinged. At this point, your fear and emotions are completely controlling you.

I would've hung up too.

you're acting fucking crazy.
Holy shit.

Unhinged.

Translation: You are fucking unhinged!

You got a taste of pussy, and completely lost your shit. You have no control of your emotions.

This is why I always talk about "emotionally centered" men on this forum, and how important it is. You can be the hottest guy on the planet, but if you have zero control of your emotions, women will run from you.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Arch, I was waiting for you to respond with your smartass, demeaning commentary.

I should’ve put a disclaimer in there that I’d like to hear from anyone except Arch.

Clearly, from the advice you’ve been giving others on roughly the same topic, you have no business giving advice or coaching in anyway for that matter.

You are full of shit on so many levels, and in so many areas. I was reading though some of my post history on here, and something prompted me to start reading the advice you’re giving to other guys.

I was amazed at how quick and trigger-happy you are to call any guy under the sun “unhinged”, “not male dominant”, and “not emotionally centered”

Why, in a recent enough thread you accused a guy of not being in control of his emotions because he cut a girl out who had flaked on him!!! Hilarious!!! In that particular situation, a girl would make repeated plans with a guy, cancel literally last minute, (several times!), showing that her time is more valuable than his, and you portrayed his cutting off contact with this girl as basically a girly emotional hissy fit. I read through several threads of you professing this horseshit.

You like to set up false straw man arguments and contend against stuff that was never said.

You also tend to just quote the guy’s whole post leaving line breaks between a few sentences where you’ll write “lame.”

You dribble on with commentary and all this horseshit without any factual basis on anything. You seem just more focused on indicting non-male-dominant behavior, and “emotional instability.”

I looked around the forums and couldn’t believe my eyes! You’re basically accusing every guy of this!

Most of your points here don’t deserve to be dignified. Also, unless you are a mental health professional, and have personal evaluated me, you have no right using terms like “unhinged.” I just wanted answers and politely sought them.

1. No, I mean when they are extremely passionate and very excited and enthusiastic about you, but disappear or reply to your single message with something brief and dismissive the next day. This is what I stated, I said nothing about calling a girl and texting her 3 to 4 times after the first date and hearing nothing. I was talking about an immediate disappearance. Again, **Strawman Alert!!!!!

2. Taking a new girl out, any pro will tell you two to three spots in one night especially if it can’t be your place since you’re both out of your area, creates a false time bridge and is the equivalent of spending over seven hours or at least a few dates with her.

3. Teaching moment here on limiting the drinking.

4. Didn’t even try to get her to orgasm???!!! How dare I??!!! My fingers were in her making her moan and she tells me to stop and gave me a reason why. I don’t know about you guys, but in today’s no means no culture, I’m not going to push it and wind up with a false rape accusation.

5. Sounds like she was the sexually dominant one? Fair point, but girls come in all shapes and sizes so there should be nothing wrong with that.

6. Coming off is that guy who has tons of options and therefore not enough time to keep texting and chasing after one girl is the ultimate goal for me, and I am continually making progress (hell, we are all a work in progress). Case in point I had three Tinder girls today text me back paragraphs after I replied once with “yeah that sounds like fun (AND NOTHING ELSE)”

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Don't take my word for it.

Just look at your results. Women can't get away from you fast enough.

Also, my comments are to be taken only within the context of picking up women and seduction. It's possible youre not unhinged at all outside of this context. But in this context...you most certainly are.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Yeah, like when she had her tongue down my throat? She certainly wasn’t racing for the border then!

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

I don't think it's fair to say that in the context of this date and why she cut contact. Everything seemed to point to her wanting sex and him not giving it to her and that's not because he acted unhinged. It's more because he didn't act at all even though, from what I see, she was basically throwing herself at him all night. There was no unhinged behavior during the date however I think you may be more on target when it comes to fear.

OP, I was kind of reading the fear thing when I read your post the first time. When I say that, it seems like you act in such a way that it seems defensive in nature. It's almost like you see something positive happening and to avoid disappointment you kind of retreat. These retreat moments MAY be why you have some of the problems that you do because a woman may start subconsciously seeing that pattern in you and it becomes unattractive.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

He has two problems in that post, one in the first half, the other in the second half:

1. Fear of sex/seduction medicated by binge drinking.

2. Completely losing his shit the day after the date and blowing up her phone like a stalker.

I believe the OP could have recovered from the first half mess up.

The second half (next day phone melt down) was unrecoverable.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

1. I'm not going to argue the fear thing because that's how I read it but I doubt it's an actual fear of sex/seduction. It's more likely he has been disappointed enough and fears an inevitable rejection and as you aptly stated self-fulfilling prophecy. Not sure about the medicated by binge drinking because that's a bit of a leap...maybe you're right and maybe you're not.
2. Yeah...OP, you got to get this under control. I'm not saying that you completely lost your shit and I'd use those exact words if I thought you did. I do think it's a problem that you seek closure. You knew the girl wasn't interested and that should have been enough, IMO. Regardless if she gave you a response, I would have gave you the same answer that I did in my original response and you know no more now than you did before she gave you her explanation.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

OP, your question was why women keep bailing on you after nights like this. I answered that question with precision and depth.

But successful seduction isn't about maiking it to the 5 yard line. You've gotta get a touchdown ( you've had intercourse, and the girl texts you back for more).

I believe you could have recovered from your date night. You were not unhinged that evening.

Where you really fucked up was the following day with your phone game. It was pathetic. And it's why she bailed on you.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

It was over when she left. She blocked him after her departure. A shy guy who lives a good distance away, who she had to be the sexually aggressive party with...yeah thats game over and no second chance. Also, to be frank, the making out/fingering/breast play prob wasnt even good and turning her on...unless chicks dont like having orgasms anymore. All that moaning and "I shouldnt be getting turned on" crap was just bs, sorry OP...if it were genuine she would have let you gotten her off a few times, passed out in the room with you, woke up and fucked you. Read she comes first or whatever; of all the missteps what happened in that hotel room wasnt enough to make her give you another try. You fucked up on the text and calls but you were already blocked and being avoided by the time you woke up.

Go fuck yourself faggot. I bet you’re not even getting this far.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

It's possible, Neo.

BTW, is anyone else disconcerted that the OP has a device/program to bypass being blocked?

Why would someone need that....

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.