i have a friend somewhat rich and materialistic he is very confident and showing high value
what i see in him his value came from his prestige and outer validation
he is also a smooth talker and good at social skills hes a natural with women and alpha in our group

so.. how can someone like me an ordinary guy ground my confidence and value in my inner qualities how do i feel high value not from my achievements and status and
im no smooth talker and people think of me as nice..and i hate being told nice there are some people who looks me down and take me easy because im nice.

Grounding comes from within, not from with-out/the external world.

Your friend is only confident insofar as he owns things - the acquisition of things, people included is not being grounded. Once he loses these things his confidence will be shattered. His house is built upon a foundation of sand.

Truly grounded people aren't all that concerned with the material world. They derive their energy internally, and the only validation they need is from within themselves. They aren't run by their ego, nor getting to some point in life, rather they embrace the journey and find great wealth in having a relationship with themselves, and by extension having deep, more meaningful relationships with the world around them; NOT the other way around. As they navigate through the world they have one foot in (their internal world), and one foot out (the external world) so they always experience that sense of connectedness. These are people who understand what abundance is, they live it. People who cling to THINGS, even if they appear confident (e.g., the Donald Trumps of the world) derive their energy from ego and are constantly fixated on the external world and how it can help them feel complete - something which is completely illusory and therefore unattainable.

He probably doesn't see himself in the light that you see him, but whether he does or not, being great socially and being liked by others is largely due to attitude and a state of mind.

Now how did your mindset get in the way that it is? You thought yourself into that mindset. So how do you get yourself out of this mindset? Your think yourself into a new one. I always say that our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our character, and our character becomes our destiny. Thought creates the emotions, and emotions create the fuel that inspires us into actions.

Changing your mindset involves consistent mental repetition over a course of time. It could take anywhere from 3 months to a year to fully make the transition.Its similar to the way that great actors get into character. Day by day they read the script and convince themselves that they are the character in the script. They could go from introverted people to charismatic extroverts just by thinking themselves into a new state of mind. Claim what you want as if it is already yours. Tell yourself " I am strong, fun, confidence, people love me and I make every one laugh with my amazing sense of humor. Say it as if it is already so. Continue to repeat it and things like it to yourself mentally 100,000,000 times if it takes and slowly but surely you will begin making the transition into the guy that you want to be.

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LOL

So you're basically saying...
Gain some status. Accomplish something. Stop being such a push over. Learn how to communicate effectively.

These are all things that you can actually take action towards and that will help you ground your confidence/value... Cause you'll actually have it!

Actually be a high value guy!

Stop being an ordinary guy.
Ordinary guys do ordinary things and live ordinary lives.


Write down what you want , and make it happen.

Stop thinking of yourself as ordinary, you are really not.

That's what ordinary guys do.

Do you want to keep being ordinary?

Exactly.

Here's a story to help you out.

There once was a guy who sucked at everything... all his life he was thought to believe by everyone around him he sucked.

Then he started doing his best to improve and removed the negativity from his life.

Now he has pussy on speed dial, friends who support him, and a reality he created for himself because he realized he only has one life to live and once his lights shut off is over.

True story.

His name was Jhonny Ordinary.

But he changed his name to Jhonny Wins.

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Wtf ^

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Lmao

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