| Good afternoon mate
Firstly, well done on the solo approach. A lot of people wouldn't even be able to work up the courage, especially after psyching yourself up for an hour.
I agree with DJ_Z on ALL three counts, I cannot confess to being the best PUA in the world, not even my own county, but I have tried Sarging on the exterior, while feeling under confident underneath. People pick this up from body language in itself, but if you tie that in the 'fight or flight method' that you carried out when she questioned you, it rings alarm bells.
You should look up James Marshall, I am checking his stuff out at the moment and I believe it to be the most natural, compared with other PUA's. i think first and foremost you need to work on a couple of things and I'm sure other people on this may offer their opinion
1) Living in the now.
When you spend ages thinking about what you're going to say or do, your adrenalin raised, you started shaking and the spontaneity element of your brain shuts down. The most logical way to try and beat this is to focus on where the anxiety is coming from in your body and realise it is just a reaction to your mental state. Not as easy as it seems, but if you get this, simply push that mental awareness to your feet and approach without even thinking. What you say doesn't really hold all the cards in this interaction. It also pushes you to live in the moment, which I find so much more organic than thinking of a line. I remember once I had a really camp jacket on and thought to use it as a question to a set. I stupidly tried to show off to my friend and said 'watch this'... Walked right up to them without assessing the situation and said 'do you think my coat makes me look like freddy mercury?'... I was cut straight down by the group of girls, who had no idea who Fm was. If i had been in the moment, I would have been able to walk up, say hi and let them open up to me before assessing the type of things to say and/or do. On reflection, even if they wanted a F**k, not knowing who Freddy Mercury is, is punishable, so no loss really.
2) Body language.
I am sure you probably know this hands down, but body language is amazing in both carrying yourself and working out the personality of someone else. If you are shy inside, start with BL and you will begin to feel empowered
3) Beating yourself up.
I was in a bar once with a fellow sarger and he opened a set. Long story short, I joined with the group and ended up turning it from a warm set of females, to 5 women after my blood simply because I was in a bad frame of mind and started bleating on about the hard ships of my life. When I walked away, I wasn't battered or bruised, I felt amazing. this was the first time I didnt go home and self critique everything I did and/or said. Not everyone is going to be nice, not everyone is going to like you. The only person you should rely on to like you, is yourself. Sometimes you will go through bad times and feel down, but its a clear indicator to become focused on changing what you dont like.
I'm sorry to bang on so much, I havent been on here for a while, so take from this what you will.
As a final note, I will say, keep at it, but maybe try something more organic to your personality. If you are funny, be funny without worrying about the outcome. If you are serious and intense, then work with that. As DJ_Z said, Mystery was an actual magician, so magic talk is organic to him. Just find your comfort and roll with it, then your confidence will flourish.
JAX x
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From the Desk of Jax
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Co-founder of Project Essex. If your Essex based and want a strong Sarging group behind drop a message to us.
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