I met a girl 2 months ago and we've met up every week apart from 2 in that time. It started off with drinks, then a restaurant, then sex. Since then, she's suggested event-type things, like a boat party (which I thought sounded fun), going shopping and tonight a roof party. Turns out we were both off the same week, soon, so I suggested we go away for the week (holiday) and we're due to book it tomorrow. I took a pic of us at the boat party (because we were dressed up and looked good) and asked if she minded me using it as her profile pic, which she might think seems a bit boyfriendy...

The above looks like it should've been obvious to me she sees me as a boyfriend (the holiday might've been stupid for me to suggest) but when I first approached her I'm sure she told me she was seeing someone (she now tells me that's not the case), and I know she's seen people in recent months but I don't know for definite if it's been since I met her. She even had Tinder on her phone which I saw & joked about, to which she responded 'why not, it's fun?' I'm absolutely fine with her seeing other people and hoped she was because I am too, but now I'm worried that she might not be and I've led her on... Apparently she's sent a pic of me to her mum and a pic of us earlier to her friend, who said we looked 'amazing together'

I do like seeing her but some of the excitement has worn off now that the chase is over (typical I guess) and I do want to keep seeing other women. I'm not sure I'm entirely against a relationship but also not sure I want to commit.

I'm thinking of calling her tomorrow, before booking the holiday, and asking what she sees us as, and that I think I don't want a relationship and want her to know that before we go any further but I feel really bad because I think I might've led her on. Please halp!

Why would you take a girl you don't want as a gf on holidays and boat rides...

:s

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I did think it seemed a bit eventy/forward/boyfriendy at the time, but because it was so early on (a few weeks after meeting) and I thought she was seeing someone else I thought it seemed fun. The holday did seem a bit weird but it just felt like a good idea because we have fun together

But I'm 23 and it seems like I'm wasting my 20s if I commit to a girlfriend now. How do I undo my fuck up? Just call her later ?

You just have to be real with women man. If you give them choices and give them options they will almost always choose you. You just can't be afraid of them walking away.

Tell her how you feel. Let her know you're still not ready to commit, but you would like to continue seeing her. If she likes you enough, she isn't going to see anyone else anyway.

Just tell her what you're telling us.

You can't be afraid of what they may think, or afraid to lose. Give her the choice and she will choose you.

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Listen to Eddie.

The easiest thing is to be incredibly up front about it from the very beginning. Springing it on a girl after she thinks your dating is a hard thing to do. So upfront tell her that you think she's really fun but that you aren't down for anything exclusive just yet because you love hanging out with your friends etc.

If the girl is really interested she'll be fine with it and deal with it. It's an awkward conversation but it's way more awkward if you have to have it after she sends pics to her mom. After the initial conversation you just have to make sure that she understands that she's not the number one priority. Go a week without seeing her here and there. Tell her that you're going to your buddies place and don't invite her. Tell her to hang out with her friends this saturday because you'll be busy. She'll get the idea. Oh, and if you see her twice without fucking or getting head, then you're going in the wrong direction. Always make it sexual. If she tries to withhold sex then pull back. Don't offer her a big fancy night out trying to get her back into bed. That will only ensure in her mind that she needs to use sex as a leverage to make you her BF.

Cheers as always, Eddie. I did as you suggested and she told me she's not looking for a relationship either... Whether or not that's true, we've booked the holiday together and soon be fucking multiple times a day over 5 days
Good advice, thank you. I'll bear in mind 'always making it a sexual thing'. How early do you suggest telling them you don't want a girlfriend, and how would that come into convo naturally ?

I find it incredibly common for women to ask shortly after meeting them "what are you looking for" etc.

You have to play it by ear for each girl. Sometimes if a girl asks "do you have a gf?" I'll respond with "No, not really looking for a gf right now, just cool people to hang out with".

Please do not call to ask this question, esp before your vacation.

Why do people have it in their heads that everything has to have a label? In reality, a label does absolutely nothing. Marriage doesn't even change much, except for legal ramifications.

As a male, I don't think you should ever have in your mind the question of "what are we?" Why? Because a valuable male will always have options and most (esp young) men will want to abstain from entering into a monogamous relationship if possible. This doesn't mean you have to break it off with a woman you're seeing cuz she wants a relationship, it just means steering clear of the topic whenever possible. When I get asked what I'm looking for, I usually answer with "I take things a day at a time" or "to enjoy myself." This is the best answer for the reasons above.

Asking her "where you are" only adds something to the dynamic that has the possibility of confusion on both of your parts. Esp if it's a new relationship.

Cheers as always, Eddie. I did as you suggested and she told me she's not looking for a relationship either... Whether or not that's true, we've booked the holiday together and soon be fucking multiple times a day over 5 days

Lol no surprise there.

Anytime man.

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