Hey all I'll try to keep this as succinct as possible.

So this all starts from last year May 2014, when a buddy and I went to Montreal last year to party it up before med school. Arranged to stay at this girl's place that I met along the med school interview trail (ended up bedding her, but that's besides the point). We're in Montreal for about a week until we take a weekend trip to Quebec City. At the hostel we're staying at in QC, I notice a group of people wearing a shirt from the same university we went to. 1 guy and 2 girls. Talked to them for about a minute or 2 and parted ways

Fast forward to April 2015, where I set up a date with this chick from OkCupid (same age as me, 24). The date is going great, getting lots of kino and humor in, is when I asked "Did you go to Quebec City last year?" She was stunned that I still remembered and we talked about our separate road trips in Canada. Fast forward next 2 dates and we eventually fuck. It was hot and passionate and it definitely helps that she does dance, so she was really fit. We didn't talk about exclusivity, but we were really into each other and agreed to see each other as much as possible.

From April onwards to the end of May, we basically saw each other every weekend (mostly because I have med school during the weekdays and she's busy with work) We went to her place, fucked, watched a movie, went out to eat, go bowling, shoot archery etc. She met my friends and I met her friends, it was absolutely great. All the other girls in the past year haven't been nearly as great as her.

On May 31st, she told me her schedule that she's going to be away every single weekend in June and that we won't be able to see each other for a while, at least until July. We realized it was ok, since I have finals for the first 3 weeks of June, so I would've been studying anyway (as I should be right now). We were celebrating her birthday that weekend, so I baked her a cheesecake that I vaguely mentioned the first time we met and that she wanted to try. I also got her that coffee grinder that she wanted (it was 10 bucks on Amazon) and she got me a pair of swim trunks (since she lost my pair and wanted to replace them). So we said we'll miss each other blah blah blah kissed, fucked and then I left her place May 31st.

For the past 2 weeks, we've been communicating-ish, but she was becoming less and less responsive. I thought this was because she was busy with her dance troupe, work and working on her master's thesis, which I thought was fine.

But then we were supposed to FaceTime on Thursday (6/11) and she never responded, which I thought was a little bit weird, considering that we haven't talked since Monday 6/8. I knew she was leaving for Boston on Friday (6/12), so I texted "Been studying all day, anyways, hope you have fun in Boston and wanted to tell you over FaceTime that I miss you"

She texts me back late Friday night (11PM) with the following "Sorry haven't been responsive lately, I really enjoyed our time together, but I'm not ready for any commitments right now. Let's just be friends and we can still hangout?"

I was stunned with this sudden left turn and wanted to send an angry wall of text. But saner minds prevailed and I simply typed back "That's fine we'll keep it simple" and she texts back " "

So I want people to critique my action plan at the moment:
Freeze her out until Wednesday, where I'll text her Wednesday night (6/17) to meet up with her Thursday night (6/18) after my finals close to her place (I'm in Long Island and she's in Manhattan) and before she leaves for a business trip to California to meet up and just talk for a little bit.
Based on her response, if she's not willing to meet up, then that's my answer to move on and I can have closure.

If she is willing to meet up and talk, then I want her to tell me what's going on, since things were going well and what we had was simple and carefree. I'm hesitant on using the word "salvage" here as things (from what it seemed to me) were going well.

If she is insistent on staying friends, then I would plan on saying that "I want you, but we just can’t do the friends only thing. I can’t be around you and not be able to touch, kiss and have you. So if you don’t want the same thing, then we don’t need to see each other anymore as it's not fair to either of us. I don’t want you to call me unless you want me. If you do, then you better come over and show me. I don’t want to hear about what you are going to do in the future, just come over and show me. Otherwise its been wonderful getting to know you. I wish you all the best, but I am not willing to settle for anything less than what I want. I’ve got too much to offer"

Drop the mic, walk away and let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, I'll have my answer by Thursday (6/19) and have the peace of mind after closure (if we do meet)

Surprisingly, this is the first time I've done this with a chick, as every other chick in the past, I've dropped or got dropped by, I had no hesitations or residual feelings lasting more than 1 hour before moving on. So I know it sounds a bit beta, but I really want to know so I can know when to move on or not.

My best friend told me to just drop her and not think about her, although this is bothering me. The only other thing he said, that if I really am to go through this, is to wait until she comes back from California (June 29th), but the ambiguity and anxiety might ruin me by then, when I could've moved on already with peace of mind.

Otherwise, what do you guys think in terms of:
i) my action plan of attempting to see her before she leaves and trying to sort things out
ii) trying to figure out what's going on because of the abrupt shift
The only thing I can come up with is that she found a new guy,
is genuinely afraid of commitment and only wants to be friends (trying to reflect on what I did or what happened that led her to think this way),
this is a shit test to see how I'll respond (although this would be very uncharacteristic of her)
wants to drop me so she won't have any emotional baggage

Please let me know what your thoughts are.

LOL - way too long, man.

Trim out some unnecessary details (and I read the first 3 paragraphs... there definitely are useless details). Nobody is going to read this at its current size.

Yeah bro.

I wrote an article that may have your answer, but you're currently too invested to have the outcome of whatever it is you're looking for to go in your favor.

Read this: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

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My bad, this is shorter, I promise, 1/3 the length of my last post

In April, I set up a date with this OkCupid chick. It's going great, getting lots of kino and humor. Then I asked "Did you go to Montreal last year?" She was stunned that I still remembered we met briefly and we talked about Canadia. Fast forward next 2 dates and we eventually sleep together. We didn't talk about exclusivity, but we were really into each other and agreed to see each other. From April onwards to the end of May, we basically saw each other every weekend (because I have med school and she's busy with work)

On May 31st, she told me her schedule that she's going to be away every single weekend in June and that we won't be able to see each other for a while, at least until July. We realized it was ok, since I have finals for for most of June, so I would be studying. We were celebrating her birthday, so all was well

For the past 2 weeks, she was less responsive via text. I thought she was busy with dance, work and her master's thesis, so w.e

We were supposed to video chat on Thursday and she never responded, which I thought was a little bit weird, considering that we haven't talked since Monday. I knew she was leaving for Boston on Friday, so I texted "Been studying all day, hope you have fun and wanted to tell you that I miss you". She texts me back late Friday night "Sorry haven't been responsive lately, I really enjoyed our time together, but I'm not ready for any commitments right now. Let's just be friends and we can still hangout?" I was stunned and wanted to send an angry wall of text. I just typed back "That's fine we'll keep it simple" and she responds " "

Here’s the plan:
Text her to meet up this Thursday night after finals before she leaves for California (business trip) and talk.
Based on her response, if she's not willing to meet, then that's my answer to move on
If we meet up and talk, then I want her to tell me what's going on, since things were going well

If she insists on staying friends, then I would plan on saying that I care about her, that I can't do the whole friends thing, we shouldn't see each other, walk away and see what happens. At least, I'll have my answer

Otherwise, what do you guys think in terms of:
i) Attempting to see her before she leaves and trying to sort things out
ii) trying to figure out what's going on because of the abrupt shift
What else would you suggest?

That was refreshing to read, I guess the essence of what you wrote is to let go and focus on filling all aspects of your life with abundance.

Thanks for condensing this.

I've moved it to General Questions. She's not your girlfriend - so it doesn't belong in relationships.

Here's the deal, man: she's just told you she wants a friends with benefits arrangement if the stars align and you happen to be in the same place. That may or may not happen -- because.....

My guess: another man is in the picture.

Could have just been dumping you nicely.

So many threads on this forum are dedicated to "finding out why" -- when it simply doesn't matter.

Does it matter why the earth circles the sun? Not really. It happens whether you know the reason or not.

Further lingering on this topic with her may jeopardize what she's proposed to you.

Find another girl and be happy. The sad fact is you were not officially exclusive. She did nothing wrong here.

Thanks for the response, CharlesFinley

I want to ask you, how did you interpret that as a FWB arrangement? Maybe I'm too distressed thinking about this, that I missed the message, so if you can explain, I'd greatly appreciate it

So then, would you suggest to not even meet up with her this Thursday to talk?

I had edited my msg while you were replying to clarify:

It's either that, or she's dumping you nicely. I interpret that as fwb as she indicated she may want to hang out.

I do believe it's another man... So if she gets serious with him that may not be an option either.

That's just my read on it... Another forum may have another.

Fair enough, I'll still plan to meet up with her Thursday to find out what's going on and if she's going to be dead to me after that, thanks for the read

In your opinion though, would you even suggest meeting up with her at all on Thursday?

I texted her today:
"Halfway done with finals, freedom is sooo close. Gonna be in the city Thursday after my finals, let's meet up since it's been a while since we've seen each other"
She texts back:
"You're almost there! But don't think we can meet before I leave, already have plans...."
I respond: "Alright, I'm still expecting a souvenir though". She hasn't responded since this morning, and it's surprising, since she always made the effort to see me, but she does have work the next day and she is leaving for her flight right after work. I know, I'm reading too much into this

I don't know if I should've persisted further with in saying we should meet up
I will admit though, I was about to do a very beta thing (something I have never done with girls) and call her and almost force her to meet up with me Thursday by saying "Hey I know you're busy, but let's meet up for a little bit and talk"

This is all very surprising and frustrating, since out of all the girls I've slept with in the past year, I've dropped and have been ok with losing them.
Her on the other hand, I remember meeting in Montreal last year, and then by chance we end up meeting through OkCupid and we hit it off, where everything was just passionate. I know, it sounds like i have oneitis, and maybe that's what it is. In all honesty though, the whole frustrating thing about this is the ambiguity in what happened.

I was thinking of texting her the day after she comes back to meet up with her that week (the week of July 4th), would that be too soon?

It also doesn't help that I can't see her moments on WeChat, so I don't know if she made her posts totally private or blocked me so that I can no longer see them. Either way the ambiguity is what was bothering me and something I haven't experienced with the previous girls I've been with

This doesn't seem so ambiguous... If it was happening to someone else and not you I think you'd probably see this clearly:

She's not interested - and sorry to be the one to tell you that.

I'd said one or the other, above... Guess it's the other.

Why try to understand? It doesn't even matter. Continue with other girls as if this one won't be back.

You care way to much about some girl you hardly even know. What a tweak.

Re-read the lines you wrote! What you said she said is not ambiguous at all! You even noted the change of hers, going from "making the effort" to see you, and then she doesn't! Pretty clear dude!!!

Think of yourself. How easily you dropped those girls too! Don't you think girls are capable too? How did you do it? Same way she is! A shiny new boy toy caught her eyes!!!

Abundance and inaction (I mean going cold) really cures everything! Stop pursing her and find another one!