I have a friend who a lot of ppl say I'm better looking than and I've heard it enough that I should believe it by now. Ppl close to me I tell them all the time. That if they didn't know what I looked like, and heard me describe myself. They would think I was the ugliest person in the world. Now I know I'm not. I feel like I'm decent. I have ppl tell me I look like Ryan gosling pretty often. (I work as a salesman btw) But back to the point my friend has that confidence and that way to talk to girls. I feel like in all honest I'm not a bad lookin dude. But my confidence and self esteem are so bad that I just can't do anything not even approach. So what can or should I do?

Here are some tips...

1. Be on your path. Take responsibility and make sure you are actively working towards your goals in life. I'm not talking about pickup here, and not about solving your mental issues, but rather everything else. All the practical things. Get an education, get a job, get an apartment and whatnot. That will give you the fundamental confidence you need.

2. Accept yourself. Whatever you feel is okay. You are enough. You don't have to prove anything to anyone else. This will ease your expectations, make you relax, and become a bit happier.

3. Groom yourself and wear clothes that you find cool on other people. Copy someone's style, someone who can work ad a role model to you. If it makes you uncomfortable and incongruent, wear it until you become comfortable.

4. Fake a confident body language, and keep faking it until you make it. A confident body language will change the very chemistry in your body. I mean physical and real things here, not just mental processes. So keep faking it until you actually become that confident.

What you're in is a mental condition.

A mild form of that experienced by a person who is anorexic. Basically regardless of how skinny an anorexic becomes they still perceive themselves as being fat. Our self perception is predicated upon our own thoughts of ourselves. And I'll tell you like I tell everyone else.. If you believe them when they say you're attractive you will believe them when they say that you're ugly. Others opinions of you have to mean NOTHING. Whether they say you're great or terrible take it all as the same. YOU have to know what you are outside of what anyone else thinks or you'll make a life of constantly seeking approval and thats more unattractive that even the most hideous man with confidence.

Theres an article on wayoftheplayer i wrote called A Simple Attraction Secret which goes into more detail on the topic. Its the first article. I believe it holds the answer you're looking for in great depth.

And if you have any questions feel free to post them here.

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