Long story short, this is our 3rd breakup...Year 1 she found out I was texting another girl about a possible future relationship, but no biggie we got back together rather quick..my first big fuck up...

Year 2 was the real breakup where we broke up for about 2-3 months after she went in my phone and found out I was "courting" a co-worker, I was because we were having issues that led me to believe she was leaving me...but after lots of work back together.

So now she broke up with me over the phone last night, just a few days after we promised to recommit. She says she still hasnt forgiven me for coworker incident a year later (she still thinks about it)

My girl is bisexual, and a argent feminist and she was real with me that her inability to forget about the co-worker situation, and my inability to soften up and not have sex with her as if she's some chick in a porno is killing her. (Keep in mind our sexlife from the start was pretty creative and hardcore)...I kind of pretend to care about her feminist veiwpoint and I know that sucks...

So she feels like she has to maybe start seeing females again because I'm not doing the job (its just rough sex all the time)...

Now also keep in mind that yesterday was the first day of her period. maybe it matters maybe not but it was alot of crying and cursing me out over the phone before she begged me to let her go and not draw her back into this relationship...

I don't know what to do. Just last Sunday it appeared we got over our issues and recommitted, now she's talking about seeing chicks, so i humble ask for advice.

I tried no-contact after the middle break up and it worked, but not sure what to do this time around..I do love this girl as she was nearly pregnant for me about a year ago...I don't want to lose her, but old stuff keeps creeping up...

I got the vibe after this phone call though that this may truly be the end...

I'll explain more to anyone that helps, thanks guys...

And the reason for your 3rd breakup? Was it you chasing another chick again?

Look man there is no easy way for me to say this but you made your own bed so to speak and now you are going to have to lay in it. You left her mentally in the relationships previous courting other girls and she caught you doing it. To me the thought of being with another person is just as bad as doing it cause mentally you were already there, you just didn't do it physically. I am very surprised that she gave you a third chance and honestly after she got more time to think about it she sounds like she is backing out of the deal, like a person with buyers remorse from a shady car deal.

Keep in mind this is her decision and not yours. If you talk her into it she will always have some of those buyers remorse feelings. All you can do is hope she wants to work it out with you. In the mean time leave her alone, let her come to her own conclusion whatever it is, and accept it. If she gives you a third chance don't you dare even give her the appearance you MIGHT be cheating, you are going to have to work hard to show you are committed to her, build her confidence, and love that woman. If she doesn't it is time to move on, take some time for yourself, meet other people, and stop wasting your time and her time.

Sorry man but this one really isn't in your hands. No amount of tactics or talk can undo what has been done and guarantee a decision in your favor.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

No...Just think our communication as it pertains to our sexlife is off...I'm a black guy, she's an asian girl... Get from that what you will but for a large portion of our relationship she just cannot take me vaginally sometimes, so a lot our sexual angst is around me hurting her physically and not being more tender with foreplay...

now I've tried but her actions in the bedroom don't coincide with her criticisms of this (ie she says she doesn't like rough stuff but sometimes initiates it making me feel like it's OK, and I'm like OK then you still like this)...

She says talking with this new girl online that there's just more of an emotional connection and wants that feeling she used to have with girls as they know her body and can make her orgasm tenderly as opposed to roughly...

She insists she's given me so many hints and I should like do library research to help us, but Look man I work 2jobs and it's tough to not just want to relax and chill in the few hours we have...

She once loved watching porn with me but now she hates it because combined with her feminist side She's growing as a woman and starting to realize that maybe my rough sex with her is fetishistic based on the porn...

The crazy part is when it's good it's good we're like two peas in a pod but I think also she believes that I'm never going to break out of the 2job work cycle life which makes me less apt to attend to her needs in my freetime (just trying to enjoy my raRe freetime)...

Maybe she is having buyers remorse, but just 3 days ago we had a great conversation of how we're back on the right track, how i'm going to leave one of my jobs, we're going to travel more, then I get hit with: I just can't forget about the time you "courted coworker" no matter how hard I try and u refuse to work on our sexlife...

Haven't contacted her for two days...Just kinda looking back at some of the mistakes I've made...

@JSmooth - No amount of tactics or talk? nothing?

My man, JSmooth has said it all.

I read your second post, OP - detailing the rest... the porn, etc... I too think you have sort of made your bed here, unfortunately.

Not that you're a bad guy necessarily, I just don't think you can force this one to work out the way you want unless she changes her mind and aligns with you.

So just do nothing and hope she contacts me back? If not, so be it...that's what yall are saying? I figured there be some kind of gameplan where ultimately I could get things back on track...

I'm not sure what was posted, but her saying " She still thinks about the co worker thing" is an excuse she's using to exit the relationship because it isn't making her FEEL how she wants to feel. I've had this happen to me serval times. So its not the coworker thing, that shit is over. IF you've apologized, don't ever apologize for it again. Its over. If you were still being strong, consistent, and seductive you wouldn't be hearing anything about this. I think you've let her guilt you(with the cheating thing) into treating her like more of a princess and as a result she's began treating you like a peasant.

Second; A woman can only leave you if she thinks you will be devastated if she does. NO man that isn't going to be crushed if his girlfriend leaves ever gets left for long.. SO long as he doesn't bitch up after being confronted with the break up. The woman needs your emotional reaction to justify her action.

So if a girl comes up to you to break up with you and you say " No. I think you're emotional and need to give yourself a couple hours too cool off before we make any irrational decisions. I'm about to head out; I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon. Night baby" - She will sit her ass the fuck down and feel like " she must of been being irrational because you were unfazed." Now if she comes up to you to break up and you become emotional - crying- begging- she will feel like " She must have had a good reason to leave before it destroyed you so much" -She will feel justified by your emotion.

A woman needs make validation in the relationship to make a decision. And she watches you emotions to determine whether or not she is justified in what she is about to do.

Have you every done something small that didn't bother your girl much at first, but then the moment you apologized she acted as if she was more bothered by it all of a sudden? Because you gave her the emotional validation to feel like she has the right to be upset.

Just chill man. Don't do anything crazy like chasing after now. If she thinks she wants girls, she'll come back to her senses shortly. It just sounds like you bitched up, she got bored, and she left. It might be over sure.. But if you stay no contact she'll hit you up eventually. They ALWAYS come back. Maybe not crying at your door all the time, but they come back one way or another.

Let me know if you have anymore questions..

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Thanks Eddie...

Your right man, I did bitchout...she called me at like 12:30 am, I was half sleeping, was shocked, didn't have my head right and went right into beta mode apologizing and promising to do better with this and that...but she was crying her ass off begging me just to let her go and leave her be...

For a little over a year now, I do feel the guilt because honestly I destroyed her when she found about the coworker...she saw our text exchanges and it crushed her...

I felt so fuckin bad, that anytime she gets pissed at me for anything I go into the default position because I saw what happened to her when she found out and I think about how that destroyed her and I'm like I'm going to go along no matter what...

All the high value shit I did in the beginning to get her has all dissolved at this point because I know how much I hurt her so I cave in to her during arguments...

But anytime she gets ridiculously mad at me she throws the coworker thing n my face...

Now honestly that situation plus the porn issue made her even more vigilant in her feminism...

early in the relationship she used to dress up in costumes all the time and we had a lot of creative sex...her being a smallish asian woman doing this made me search out porn with smaller asian women doing the same stuff...I thought that was hot...

We used to watch it together and it appeared she had no issue with it, but overtime she started to resent me for watching it saying she's her own person not a fetishized porn bitch for me to fuck (I was never thinking of it this way)...

For the life of me I have never understood how a women that is so sexually free (we've been to swinger clubs, bdsm, etc.) doesn't understand that our early sexual interaction spurred me on to consuming more of this that mirrored things she did in real life...

So like I said thanks for that, I feel a bit more confident again...I still want her back though...I mean we just were talking about how much we love each other and the change we're about to make as early as Tuesday night...

It's just that last conversation was so real, so shocking that it hit me hard and I showed epic low value...I hope I can stay the course and recover, I have the urge to contact her first...If she does hit me up first I'm not even sure how to proceed...No contact worked before I'm just having a hard time thinking it will work again...Hate I'm showing low value though

You thinking the no contact thing isn't going to work is just another reflection of your current "low value" state of mind. You're current value is so low that you don't even think she considers not speaking to you as "big deal" .. Is that how much you've gone to shit?

I've dated every Major race (black white indian, asians, hispanics) on the planet, different types mentally, but ultimately what I learned is that they are all women. Everyone has different thoughts, but not everyone has a different nature. The nature of a woman is the nature of a woman regardless of what the books and internet articles she has read taught her.

If I were you I would get a copy of "the manipulated man" and read it, theres also an audio book version on youtube for free.

She wasn't as hurt as you think about the coworker thing; trust me. She doesn't feel how YOU would feel if the same happened to you. Women are a lot better suited to deal with emotional pain than we are. What you are thinking she feels is significantly more than what she is actually feelings. You are just interpreting her own expression with YOUR feelings. Which are exaggerated. I've been there. A woman doesn't like to feel "Weak" in a relationship, especially a feminist. So what a woman such as yours will do is LOOK for something to weaken you with so she can feel strengthen. You simply gave her bullets to a gun she already owned, and you were shot with it. But remember who bought the gun, and remember their intention behind the purchase. However, its not malicious; and if you are aware of this process, its actually and attempt at making you stronger. Its an exercise of your strength vs her attempts to take it. She builds you up by putting challenge before you, but if you are unfit to handle the challenge; you don't make a good teammate. I can "try" my best at basketball, but if I'm not good enough, I can't expect to make the team.

You're making this fantasy up in your head about why things ended and its fucking you, and further fucking your value. Snap out of it. You want to be with her because she left you; you don't actually want to be with her; at least not in the way that you guys were together. This is ego driven. Your thoughts are polluted with emotion; so take your own thoughts with a grain of salt. Question yourself as to why?

Four why's will usually get you to the root of the problem

For example:

Why do you want to be with her? Blah blah blah blah blah

Well Why blah blah blah blah blah

-

And so on; four times.. You can do it with yourself or you can do it here for us on the forums.

Listen to everyone but yourself right now.. And do yourself one huge fucking favor - you wouldn't believe how many times this mistake is made. - When you start feeling good (because you will), don't do a goddamn thing" The law of polarity suggest that emotions will go up and down. You're down, and that will soon power you UP and you will feel like " I feel good now. I'm in a good state. I can probably call her or text her now that I feel good and she'll be responsive". Its a lie. You'll have to deal with the up's and down's until you're at balance. You'll love her one second, hate her the next, and feel like you're way above her moments later.

You have to weather the storm bro. Its just the process. Its going to hurt, its suppose to. But be tough man. How special was she really?

I don't know where you live but I live in NYC and someone of the highest quality women on earth are here (by societal standards at least), and I done lost some amazing chicks. YOU ALWAYS get over it. ALWAYS. You're a champ bro. This ain't your first piece of pussy. So don't act like it.

Do you best to eat clean (it'll keep you emotionally in check), get sun light if its available, and stay away from the masturbation. At least until you're emotionally stable. Leaking the seminal fluid will weaken you. So many men are weakened by continuous sex in relationships because they're constantly leaking their jesus juice. The less you have, the less you'll be in charge of your state. Hold that shit, and you'll be through this in no time, But please don't hit her up bro. I know you're black ( as am I) and you got you a nice asian girlfriend so you wanna keep her. I get it; i've felt it, but it ain't worth shit if you don't have your emotions in check.

You need this time out, be thankful and give her space. She'll come back around. And when she does, ignore her the first time.. Don't be the " I'm sorry I cheated on your i'll pick up on the first ring and say i love you" chump that you were being before. She left you; make her get you back if you want her. You sound easy as fuck.. She can call you anytime and just have you? Are you kidding me? Where is your value?! .. I made a podcast on this last night; its not uploaded but i'll send it to you if you want me to.

Anything else?

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@eddie - You just killed it bro...brings me back to four years ago after reading Magical tactics i went on the best run of my life until I met my current GF...

Gonna absorb your advice...I'm at work right now so Keep checking up on this thread man, I might have another question or two later on..thanks for giving me that lashing i needed it...

Lol yeah.. I wrote you a book bro. No doubt.

Keep us updated.

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Well I'm not going to say anything new. Look at all the replies. If you wanted a stable relationship then commitment is a part of that. I'm not saying what you did was wrong. Nothing is wrong but thinking makes it so. Rather, I'm saying what you did was not the way to achieve your goals. Think before you act in the future.

http://maddestissues.blogspot.com/

I disagree pretty strongly with all of this advice.

My female friends and I can hold onto past hurts for a VERY LONG TIME. This is why men always complain that women bring up s*it from so long ago. When a woman feels very hurt by something a man does, it seems to just stick for a long time. A sincere apology goes a LONG way to forgiveness and putting it in the past. So many men are too macho to do this. I would have been devastated if I saw my boyfriend courting a co-worker on his phone. Not sure I could ever trust him again to be honest. It would take a lot of persuasion and contrition.

Second, I have broken up and stayed FAR away from men who show no sadness or devastation and pretend to be unfazed. Because these men do not fulfill a woman's FUNDAMENTAL need to feel cherished. Men need to feel respected. Women need to feel cherished. Game may work to attract and get us into bed but long-term that is what we need to stick around and be truly happy.

The OP's rough sex does not make his gf feel cherished whatsoever. He is not fulfilling her fundamental need so she is seeking other females who just instinctively get it.

3rd time's a charm. There's a reason it was 3 times, take it as a hint that the universe is trying to tell you to move on. You can keep going and have more chances to do this until you get it right.

If you want to learn how to catch a deer, do you ask the deer or the deer hunter?

Thanks for your input sweetheart, but I think we were doing just fine.

You're only reiterating what his girlfriend already told him (typical PUA forum female poster)- not what he needs.

-

OP, ignore her bro.

What I gave you lifted you up out of your hole. How did what she give you make you feel? Probably pushed you back into the hole; which just lets you know who's teams she's playing for subconsciously.

No solution, just more chick ramble on why she's left. You've heard it. Enough. So willyone, if you truly care about helping him, never post on this particular post again.

_________________
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