Hi everyone!

I was actually a member of this forum long ago but have been inactive (and until recently in a relationship) so I forgot my old username. Anyhow, fate brought me here again as I am again single and in need of advice!

So here is the situation. I recently travelled to a major USA city (I live in Europe) for vacation, to visit friends etc. I stayed there for 10 days, and on the 3rd day I met this girl, friend of a friend, with whom I really clicked. We would almost always hang out as a group of four, which made it harder to actually flirt with her, but we always had an amazing time as a group so I didnt really thought about it that way. Long story short, I saw her every day until I left for Europe, and even though there weren't many chances (or time) to actually make a move, there was a mutual excitement about having met each other and how amazing our communication was. (There are some further complications about not making a move which do not concern us now).

Even though there were definitely signs that she is interested, like texting me, wanting to know more about me, eye contact etc - there wasn't a clear sign that this whole thing was sexual. The reason was, in my opinion, that we connected so well mentally, that it would also make sense if all this interest and excitement was purely platonic.
We are both 27 and I want to believe that at this age, when two relatively attractive people meet and connect so well, its going to get sexual. Becoming friendzoned seriously takes me many years back, but this situation is tricky mostly because I have now left the country, and there is no physical contact anymore.

Since I left, we have been chating all the time. Mostly its her that starts the conversation (I try to avoid it even though I think about her all the time) and we even had a SPAM call that lasted 3 hours. We have too much in common so we keep sharing music, movies, books etc which makes it even harder to keep the necessary distance required to avoid the friendzone.

I am going to see her in April, as we are organising an art exhibition together in a different city (which was also the pretext for the SPAM call). I might visit again on May and will definitely see her during the summer. So there will be plenty of chances to go for it, BUT I want to be very careful not to end up in the friendzone before I even see her.

All this might be purely in my imagination and maybe she's thinking the same things about me but I am really not sure and I don't want to mess this up as I really like her.

Any advice is greatly appreaciated! Is there a way to chat/SPAM while staying in a subtle flirting stage? I don't want to make anything too obvious as it could make things awkward and from a distance it will be hard to reverse it. It's quite tricky and I need to keep a good balance!

Please help!!

That's good that you two have a lot of commonalities. In order to not get friendzoned you need to make sure you break rapport and escalate Did you try to escalate at all with her while you were in the state ? You should maintain contact sparingly with her over SPAM or text, but you don't want to have 3 hour long conversations with her. It's just wasting energy because you can't game her properly without escalation. Keep it light and playful over messaging and start slowly escalating her for her investment when you see her and go for the kiss and pull.

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Thanks!

So basically you agree that I should keep a distance, avoid texting too much, always wait for her to text etc?

There was some escalation while I was there but mostly towards the end. As I said almost always we hanged out as a group, especially at night time, which made it harder to have her 1on1 and escalate.

I think the investment trick is working for me as she tends to talk about herself a lot and she talks way more than I do. I know this is a good sign but at the same time I m still worried that she just feels comfortable to open up to me as a new friend. And I would hate that!

I am playful with her sometimes but she doesn't seem to be very playful back at me. She doesn't seem to be the kind of person that would reveal too much so again I m not sure what to think!