I have been meeting with a girl who is seeing another guy.

We have not been meeting as friends. First date we went out for some drinks
and ended up back at her place, things got a bit fruity but nothing really happened, just
a bit of messing around and lots of kissing.

She never really said much about the other guy, only that it's not overly serious. She seemed
to feel bad after our first date though.

3 weeks later we met again, this time she opened up some more over a few drinks. She told me she
see's more future potential with me but she enjoys seeing the other guy, they meet up once a week.

I'm 24, she's 25 and the other guy is 27. She says he is quite boring & reserved whereas I am more fun and she feels a lot more comfortable with me. Lots of kissing again after the 2nd meet up and she was coming on strong
saying she cant stop wanting to kiss me. This time I went home but it was clearly pretty hard for us both.

She has told me she is scared and thinks I will "break her heart" - she says she knows "my type" - whatever that means. She has been hurt in the past after a long relationship (5 years +)

Now my question is... how do I play this? I really like her and see future potential. Every part of me wants to call her out and make her make a decision but I know deep down it won't help.

Any advice?

Also, we live 40 miles away and her and the other guy are from the same city. She also works a lot so it is not easy to see each other often.

Ok... Seriously...what's up...what's this outbreak of guys wanting to be serious with a girl who is cheating?!

I hear what you are saying neo87, its because she's made it clear they have no future and it's more of a casual thing. She's said to me she see's future potential but is scared.

Do I just tell her to make her mind up?

I guess it's either the safe boring thing she's got going now, where she can't really get hurt or taking
a chance on me as I'm more fun and possibly more of a risk....

I have tried talking about it before and she always says "can we not get into this now..." but I am pretty casual about it, maybe I should be firmer?

Look, dont ever listen to a girls bs about her boring bf that you're different from. If she isn't married to the guy or has the guys kids, if she's with him she's with him because she wants to be. And when she gets with you, you're going to be the boring guy she tells the side guy about.

So - OP: You don't think that when she cheats on you with the next guy she's going to feed him the same line and tell him exactly the same thing?

I've never heard of a girl who tells the guy she's cheating with "I'm actually just a cheater with no morals"...

Of course she's going to have an excuse. They always do.

Thanks for the replies.

I guess I just thought she seemed different, she seems genuine.

Time to get out?

Coming down with a bit of one-itis

Sounds like this girl is hedging her bets, I read a quote on here once that said" she doesn't want to let go of one tree branch without knowing she is holding onto another." This is exactly what is happening, your her safety net incase something happens with her "boring and reserved" boyfriend. Think it okay to try hookup with her but longterm I would look else where. Just don't catch feelings.

Yeah I think you are right odyn, thing is... we get on so well... not often I find someone
with exactly the same sense of humour as me, she mentions it too. Can be hard not to catch feelings.

She doesn't seem to be one to play games, but I have to accept she most likely is playing games
from the evidence.

I think she might be scared because she's been hurt before and maybe it would be a bit
more of a serious relationship with me.

She mentioned if anything did happen with us then we couldn't date other people (surely goes without saying!?) I think she
has the idea I meet a lot of women, which of course I do. (But I am looking to settle down at some point)

I'm going to distance myself for the time being and I guess if she is interested I will be able to judge from
her reaction.

I've been going through a similar situation last week.
She was very romantic and her messages wont stop.Many many nice and lovely words from her.She looked like she was going to tell me I'm her soul-mate.

I trained myself to not listen them.Words will remain words.No more.I looked for the facts.And the fact is, she (yours) is still with her bf.(And same as you, when I tryed to talk about her relationship, she wouldn't want to)
Of course, that doesn't mean you can't get out with her and offer her a great time or try some pua tactics.But viewing words as only words helps you not become emotionally invested.

Good luck and tell us how things are evolving.

Thanks Hiatus.

It's the words that get to me, I seem to cling on to them. You're right I shouldn't do that.

I know that if I am physically with her its fine and she can't keep her hands off me. My kino was
very good, got to the point where I was just staring in her eyes and she would kiss me...

It's when I'm not with her it seems to go wrong.

Ideally, I think, we should do what we can.Date, kiss, kino, sex and use our best game..even if that means to neg or freaz her out.
But even after sex, if she still goes back to the bf, don't take is seriously..

Listen to what your saying, "I think she might be scared because she's been hurt before and maybe it would be a bit
more of a serious relationship with me." This sounds very close to how women talk about men that are not that into them. Your the backup plan and it doesn't sound like your ok with this, considering your making excuses for her and talking about settling down. I would say you need to sit down with her and communicate your stance with her but since you haven't banged her, I would just start making excuses for not talking to her or seeing her any longer, she sounds smart enough to figure out why all on her own.

Bit of an update...

She opened up about it last night after I froze her out all day. Basically she had a really bad relationship before with a guy who cheated on her and done some other terrible things, seems she is
really scared. She likes the other guy she's with because it's simple & because it's not going to
go anywhere, she doesn't feel like she can get her heartbroken.

She said she still hasn't decided what she wants, but she really likes me and I make her feel
how the other guy did before... she feels a deeper connection and it scares her, So kind of like she wants me but because she does, she doesn't!! HeadF**k!

I said.. "so that's it then, it's already decided?" - and she was quick to say NO, she just needs time & if I can't give her time then she doesn't know what to do.

I think she has clearly been damaged in the past & is scared to get too emotionally involved.

Not sure what she wants from me, I can't promise her anything, she just needs to give it a chance.

I guess I need to just play it cool?

I haven't read the entire thread but have to point out that you're going to hear this shit all the time. And it means nothing. That is a girls way of saying "I've been with this did for a while and the newness has worn off and I want some excitement"

Very often what she means is that she wants some strange on the side.

Do what your morality dictates. I recommend getting her in bed and making a FWB situation.

Just don't be surprised when this girl refuses to leave her bf for you.

THIS... Or, if she does leave her boyfriend for you, don't be surprised when she pulls the same shit with you a few months later when she gets bored.

Don't kid yourself. The next guy will be getting the same "confused, heartbroken" story as you're getting now.

Once a cheater...