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OK so through some meetup groups before Xmas I made a good close set of friends mainly male but with a couple of tidy females as well. Since then we've created a Facebook group and staryed some of our own events and meetings.
This girl i really like, when we first met it seemed she was also into me.we talked almost non stop after an initial lunch group meeting and then continuing onto an art gallery with others and then walking around the city for the remainder of the afternoon...
But it seems like shes now gone off me. Doesn't seem bothered to message me on text or fb, or talk much when we're out, more interested in others in our group, even if I've not seen her for a week and the subject isn't exactly anything that interesting with the others. I've tried to not communicate much and ignore her a bit online, see if she comes to me etc, but it's not working.. She doesn't seem bothered..
I found out just before Xmas that she had a boyfriend (who she never seemed to hang out with our bring to the group) and things hadn't been going that well.. She mentioned him to me last, and said he'd broken up with her, like she felt the need to explain her behavior on some way..it seems she had already confided in another male in the group, a genuine 'nice guy' about her problems with the boyfriend. I actually felt a bit hurt she never confided in me as we had got on well the few times we met in those first couple of weeks, others in our group commented how well we seemed to get on in that first day
..I kept in touch with her over Xmas when she was back in her home country and bored as she was just with family and some uni mates, but we were all going out and having laughs here.. I thought she'd communicate a lot as missing nz and our new group.. She was in touch, not a crazy amount but time difference and family etc...But I don't know what happened as since coming back a week ago it's like we never had shared any connection on that first meeting and the week or two after..
I definitely felt a buzz or chemical something when we talked those first few times.. I thought in a way maybe she didn't tell me the close things as she was interested in me, and subconciously that would put us in the 'friends' category...so that's a positive right?
Then when we picked her up from the airport last weekend she was so happy and i ride back with her on back seat as a friend drive us all to the city. Felt good and we all chatted. But out in a bar after that she didn't seem that interested in me, but ok many faces to catch up with and I'm just a friend right, one of the group. Just me her and another male friends then after midnight went on to a club as the others left us as it was late and it seemed a mistake to leave the bust var weed been in, as it was dead in this club and so loud you couldn't talk properly.. and the conversation struggled. But ok I can see reasons for that not working out so well after a long flight and our evening that was good up until then. Seemed she felt guilty for breaking to the group when we'd been having fun and at he suggestion of going clubbing, then people left and the night died.
But yesterday after not hanging out all week most of us, we then had about six of us watching a movie at a friends. I sat next to her just three of us on the sofa, and thought great, we can chat a bit and get closer later on... Maybe i can make a move if we stop over..But even though sitting very close she seemed not interested to even get into conversation with me after the main movie and when we were sat there playing YouTube on the laptop/projector friend has... Just short answers, and not asking me anything or showing an interest to strike up conversation with me..Entertaining any other comments from the group over some more interesting discussion I tried to have with her...
In the end after watching some other shit film and being bored so just on my mobile chatting to friends online for two more hours I just left... Seems she and the others actually stayed over which I thought she probably wouldn't do.. I'm told from another male friend in the group that everyone "just talked" all night..I thought at least better to leave the situation when I did unlike the other weekend when I continued into the club... when it's been enough and not working in a positive way, I understand its better to make your excuse and leave.. especially as my mood might be easily picked up on. I made excuses and left. Today I couldn't face a big group lunch with them that was previously arranged so I made other excuses not to attend.
Seems they all went to the lunch, played pool and stayed together all day!... Maybe I missed a better chance to build something or maybe it was good to create some mystique by not being there at all today ..I didn't hear from her other than single line reply to a comment I made about the archer series i remember she commented on positively before Xmas. As I was starting to download them earlier.. But I gamed my other friends in the group a bit about how i'd love to have attended pool but I had to prepare things for surfing trip etc. Which is true but also was because I imagine they would all talk about me not being there and why etc...
Just wondered any thoughts on what's going on and ideas on how best to interact with this girl.. I'm pretty bloody confused!
(Maybe doesn't help she did psychology at uni and I think she's good at working out people .. It's been said in there group before I'm alpha male and very interested in girls etc.., maybe I scared her off)
Oh one other thing I had great idea to throw my ex/girlfriend into the picture early this week, telling them all she's coming back to wellington via auckland where I'm living, from Japan in three weeks and let's do brunch. They've all said oh didn't realise you're still together, and tell me about her..I did it to see how she respond.. Bizarrely though She's not said anything at all about her, not shown any curiosity to find out more about her or the situation I'm in....
Hi there,
Welcome to the forum.
This isn't what you're going to want to hear but it's the truth:
You've listed about 10 things here which indicate absolutely nothing more than her being completely disinterested in you romantically, and you being nothing more than an orbiting 'friend' in the group.
You are struggling to see more, when nothing is there.
I don't think there's a chance with her, based on what you've written, but here's what you do: Escalate with her and see how she responds... Some kino, friendly touching, etc... Don't tell her you like her, but show her instead. Now - don't interpret that suggestion as me saying "this will work"... as I truly believe she isn't interested in you, but it'll sure give you a definitive answer.
I'd suggest going out and gaming other girls... but you sound very hung up on this one and you won't take that advice.
You also may want to consider condensing your post into something smaller - it's very large/long (unnecessarily so) and many users will not read and reply to something this long.
CHAT
