Short version: There is a HB in one of my college night classes. I have personally seen her shoot down 3 different guys who approached her and have heard of her doing it to other guys, including one of my buddies. I normally don't have approach anxiety but witnessing all this is messing with my head and making me hesitate to approach. I have recently seen her riding the subway and other buses a bunch of times so I'm thinking I could approach her there because she won't be around a bunch of immature guys from campus so her guard won't be up. I love a challenge and as the saying goes you miss 100% of the shots you never take. Still having seen her actually shoot guys down is screwing with me mentally and throwing me off my game.


Details (long): In one of our first classes she was sitting a few rows in front of me (with no one in between) I had my headphones in but they weren't on and I was pretending to read a book because I was getting ready to approach and thinking of how to do it. Just then another guy came and opened her. After a minute of chit chat she told him she was flattered but that she had a boyfriend and he replied "Do I look the type of guy who cares if you have a boyfriend?" Her reply was something along the lines of "Well when you first came over I would have said you looked like a nice guy and I was going to tell you I'm flattered and that it takes guts to approach a girl you don't know. With that reply you gave I will say you look like a jerk who ignores boundaries because he thinks he's entitled to sex with every woman he sees." The guy scooted off pretty quickly and I pretended I was rocking out to music and reading a textbook so as not to embarrass the guy.

Another time I was waiting for the bus after class. She was leaning on a wall adjacent to me but there were other people as well and I had my headphones on. I saw a guy approach her and I turned off my music so I could eavesdrop (I know, I know). He opened and her answers were short. After a minute she again said she was flattered but that she had a boyfriend. The guy used this boyfriend destroyer:

HIM: "Does he treat you well?"
HER: "Yes"
HIM: "I wouldn't"

Her reply was "Well unluckily for you I have a healthy self-esteem and strong male role models, so I don't waste my time with asshole guys and bad boy types like you."

The third time was at the campus cafe which was pretty busy because it was midterms for day classes and everyone was there studying. I was in line and she was sitting not far from me by a partition. I saw a guy approach out of the corner of my eye, I had my hood up and was facing away so I didn't turn around, I just listened. Usual, he opened, she said she was flattered/had a boyfriend but dude kept pushing. He finally said "You must have a number I can reach you at." and she replied “Not that YOU can reach me at." while she was on her phone.

My buddy (we act as wings for each other) told me he tried to approach her on the bus one time. He sat next to her and after he opened he tried to get her to qualify by talking about how everyone on buses is always buried on their phones or with headphones in (like she was) and how people are so anti-social. Both of us have had success with this. However she replied something like "I’m one of the anti-social ones. I prefer to be left alone and not make small talk with people. I hope you have a nice day." Then she went back to her phone.

Two things: I have never seen her be bitchy to anyone, except the third guy a little bit because he couldn't take the hint, but even then she didn't blow him out badly. My buddy also said she didn't raise her voice or completely blow him out. Also she didn't use a boyfriend destroyer on my buddy like she did on the other guys so I'm thinking that it's just a line she uses to get rid of guys.

Thank-you for reading guys!

I had something like this happen where I used to work.

Do not cold approach this girl. You've seen her, and guess what...She's seen you.

Next, time you see her say hi and walk off. Do this every time you see her. 3 is good and on the 4th time you open her up indirectly by asking her how long has she been going there or whatever and how she likes the college. Then bounce.

Finally, the next time you see her you can invite her out. If you have any friends you should get together with them and do something then invite her along. If you don't have any friends then your friends canceled on you when the meetup happens. Matter of fact...The friends canceled on you regardless is the best thing so you'll get her alone. I would say invite actual friends if she insists on bringing her own.

The boyfriend. I can't remember where I learned this, but what I like to do is to talk about the boyfriend. I'll ask all excited and stuff (I really do get excited, it gives us a nice thread to talk about for a while) "When did you meet? " When she answers she'll go into her memory if there really is a boyfriend. Since she is already in state with you all of the emotions she felt then when he gamed her will be added to what you've already built. You can talk about him as much as you want, but then you have to transition into asking for her number again.

I usually just tell her we can invite the boyfriend along to whatever plans we make. (later through text I set up a 1o1 thing) It doesn't matter. The point is to get her phone number. You can go direct on her later, but right now you just need to ease your foot in the door.

Hope this helps.

_________________
I am a hunter of human excellence. I seek out those individuals who break the norms
and demonstrate to all of us what’s really possible. I learn what those few
extraordinary individuals do that’s different from everybody else, and then emulate
them.

Great post! This is a superb example on why I don't think "approaching" is any good! This girl will probably give you the best lesson ever on how to approach people/girls in general. Guys are a pain in her butt, she gets too much attention and is sick of it.

Here are a couple of possibilities. Either she actually HAS a boyfriend, is lesbian, or just sick of people and want to be left alone. Either way, treat her with respect.

Here is what I would do... I would open with "Excuse me..." to get her attention, and I would continue talking about the guys she dismissed. "I've seen that many guys try to approach you. How do you feel about that?". Try to make her open up and talk about her feelings, but don't push anything. Take a step back as soon as you go one step too far.

I think the right thing to do is to get to know her almost as "the nice guy" to get her guard down. Just watch out for falling into the trap of doing everything she asks you. Build trust and friendship to begin with, and step your game up as you connect more and more.

Take it slow, let it take days or even weeks, until you feel that she trusts you.

That is a perfect routine to run for this situation. Reading that makes me think Gambler or the administrator should bless this forum with a new section called the situation.

Anyway, in order not to troll of course I'm about to add some value.

Hugge's slick conversation should be run after doing the "Hi" thing a few times because it will allow her to build familiarity/comfort with you, and in my opinion create the sense that you are part of that 99% social circle that most women meet their relationships through when you do open.

Game + social circle value... Can't beat it.

_________________
I am a hunter of human excellence. I seek out those individuals who break the norms
and demonstrate to all of us what’s really possible. I learn what those few
extraordinary individuals do that’s different from everybody else, and then emulate
them.

Ugh.

Fudge's initial advice was the best.

You know her - make small talk once or twice for a FEW seconds/minutes before bouncing.

The problem with your friend is that he didn't make her comfortable and he overstayed his conversation window.

If you don't hook her within the first few seconds then bounce, it's about calibration and something you'll probably learn further.

You'll see her again - there's no reason to rush the interaction. Say hi, mention something FUNNY about school, SMILE, make her feel HAPPY and comfortable, then bounce. After doing this once or twice, mention that your friends are having a party/hangout/movie night/etc and if she's interested. IF she is, move on from there. If not, give it a week or two and rinse and repeat.

DO NOT mention the other chodes approaching her and getting blown out. DO NOT try to make her think you're Mr. Nice Guy. Just talk to her a bit, MAKE HER SMILE OR LAUGH, then bounce before she gets tired of you. Do it once or twice, then get casual contact info for your hangout