So, like a year ago I started working at a store as a cashier. One of my managers seemed really into me, constantly flirting, making innuendos and touching me. This same manager ended up being instrumental in me getting promoted to the same position as her. She had made comments about us going on a date a few times but I didn't think much of it since I thought (mistakenly) that she was married at the time. Fast forward about a year of this later, we finally make plans to hang out. I go to her house, we just chill and watch tv. She had made a comment that we could "go to her room later fi I wanted." but I never really acted on it til too late. I ended up giving her a hand massage that turned into a full body massage before her sister texted her and said she'd have to drop me off. ( I didn't have a car at the time.) I kinda shrug the whole thing off as whatever. Just a friend thing, oh well. Then as I'm being dropped off in front of my house she gets out of the car. She goes for what I assumed would be a hug but she then proceeds to kiss me on the lips and tells me to call her. We start texting and calling more regularly, shes needs me pics of those stupid Coke bottles with my name on. Random shit. Eventually I decide to ask her out on a casual basis and she agrees. From there I would make plans with her and she'd always flake and then reschedule 'cause of school. Eventually she does this and doesn't even update me that plans would have to be cancelled.and the next day I call her out on it and the fact that if she can't do something it's cool but don't just blow me off, at least let me know. This turns into her saying that she's just really busy and has a habit of retreating into herself which is why she doesn't want to date. I'm cool about it, write it off and figure I'll see what happens. Eventually we talk about it a little and I tell her that it was probably a mistake to try anything since were both so busy. She kind of gets defensive and says that it's not a mistake she's just busy. From there she keeps up with the flirting and innuendo with me, touching me in decidedly non-friendly ways. The other week we end up going out to dinner again under what I assume to be just a a friend thing. I drop her off in front of her house and then she randomly kisses me again. I decide to go for broke and tell her "Hold up a second." I go in and kiss her again, she kisses back and then stops and tells me to call her. Been a week since then and things are still as they've always been. Frankly I'm confused as hell and am wondering if anyone can see something I don't here/ I honestly have no idea what the next step to take i from here.

Okay... I'm guessing this is how things went:

1. She hit on you and you thought she was married = you giving her very little attention in regards to being more than friendly.
2. You find out that she's not married and decide to hang out with her on a one on one = Showing interest in her sexually.
3. She basically tells you she likes you and wants to fuck you = You become needy and give her a lot more attention than usual.

Right? You see it's a fine balance in attraction based primarily on attention. Women LOVE attention. Think of attention with women in the sense that it's chocolate: Shit, we all love chocolate but when we have too much we feel sick and we don't want anymore after that. We stay away from it. Then when we stay away from it we begin to want it more and more when we haven't had any in a while. We overindulge and get sick again... rinse and repeat.

You're her chocolate. She wanted a piece of you and got a small taste... she wanted more so she grabbed at you and couldn't control herself(She made the moves, invited you, kissed you, basically asked to fuck you in her room). You kept teasing her, giving her a single piece every now and then(Saying no or ignoring her advances). Then bam! You give her the whole bar of chocolate in one go and she gets sick of you(You asking to meet up, hang out and giving out that she's never free(This is the beginning of her having too much of your attention)).

The reason she came back when you agreed with her and said it was a mistake is because she was just tired of your attention, she wasn't unattracted to you. So when you threatened to take away the safety she had in all of your attention she went on the defence trying to win you back over by making time for you, kissing you and telling you to call her, etc.

Basically don't be needy. If you like her and she likes you then let her know verbally that you like her when it's clear that you're both on the same page but don't show her with your actions(Constantly texting, asking to hang out, etc., etc.) The only time you can do that is after you've given her a fucking she won't ever forget.

What you should do now is just play it cool. Hang out with her whenever, don't bombard her with texts and if she starts cancelling on you or stops making time to hang with you then do likewise. If she doesn't reel herself back in when you stop giving her attention and become too "busy" to take her up just lay your cards on the table and tell her you're not interested in silly mind games(Because that's exactly what she's doing). If the girl says she's "just busy" don't listen to it. Women's main tool in arguing is going in circles and dependent on you following their train of thought on the matter. If you want to win an argument with a woman don't argue with her or listen to her side of an argument. Just say what you need to say if she says otherwise and you know she's lying or full of shit just say "I know what's happening/what you're doing." Finish what you have to say and eject. Don't have an argument with a woman, counter an argument by not having one and sticking to statements/what you need to say.

Thanks for the response. That's actually pretty accurate. I realized a week or two before things "ended" that I was being too needy and I basically had no idea what to do so I went into self destruct mode. I know part of my problem was that, once I asked her out I couldn't believe it was actually successful so I wanted to validate it by fucking her. Thus I kept pushing. Retarded move in hindsight. It's....been awhile let's say. I've more or less just been experimenting with freezing her out when I suspect I'm falling into neediness as well as rewarding "good" behaviors with some attention. Basically just trying to renegotiate the whole thing back to her pursuing me. It's a little difficult though since we by necessity work very closely together. She knows I have an interview for a different company and that she might not have me around all the time so hopefully that helps.

You got chances and don't take them. She probably isn't enthusiastic now because you have not made a move. That hold on a second was weak. Next time you hang out stop assuming it's a friend thing and man up.

Admittedly yeah I fucked up not running with the offer to go to her room. As far as the hold on a second thing, it was just a reaction to what had just happened. I was caught off guard. I'm curious what should I have done differently int that particular situation?

par·a·graph
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noun
1.
a distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.

She wanted the d ("we can go to my room later") and possibly still does. Get her out for drinks, sit next to eachother, go kino/flirt/kiss/etc, transition to the sex location (your place).

Was seen by a co-worker buying condoms for a date I had with another girl. The next morning I get a text from work girl saying "Gm, u ok?" Hadn't been dealing with her too much aside from work based stuff for a few days while I pursued some lower investment prospects.

When I am around her at work I'll chat her up a bit and run kino on her before I find some reason to leave her on her own for awhile. She's still behaving how she was before with the touching, buying me lunch, etc. Also after learning about body language cues I notice things like her mirroring what I'm doing, the direction of her feet and even that she's begun taking words and phrases I commonly say.

The more I think about the whole situation the more I kick myself for coming off as needy. She flat out warned me when I asked her out that she retreats into herself a lot. It kind of clicked when we were talking the other day. I had made a comment on how I she probably knew me better than I did her. She then proceeded to tell me things about herself and proceeded to re-iterate that part. I then told her she was an introvert, and that while she enjoys the company of others, her emotional energy was recharged by spending time by herself. She seemed really impressed by the insight.

Basically that whole exchange made me realize what probably went down. I was being needy, not giving her the space she needs. This continues to build up as I'm clueless. Then I try to get her out to a bar with a bunch of random people after she's been dealing with people all day. She doesn't want to go but says yes anyway to make me happy. She then flakes. I get pissed at her for the first time since she's known me, she freaks out and terminates the arrangement. So totally my fault for being clueless. I don't think owning up to my behavior is a good idea though. Or is it? got a date with someone else tomorrow. Trying to keep my distance from the situation by talking to four other girls. Hopefully this post was a little more coherent.

Also, I guess I may as well mention that she's a black girl form New York and I'm a suburban whiter than whiteboy. I have absolutely zero experience with black girls. I'd assume not, but perhaps there is some cultural thing I'm missing.