Ive been in a relationship with the gf for over a year now. In the beginning things were unreal, the kind of relationship any guy would want where she would bend over backwards for you. Fast forward a bit and you know where this is going. I got comfortable, started letting things slide, and before you know it the relationship is on the fast track to a fucked up place. We love each other very much, but there is no mutual respect anymore.

Sounds more like a case of not respecting yourself, which I surmise is a result of not taking care of yourself and your needs - in short, having a very weak connection to yourself/weak sense of self. One way out of this is to re-connect with things you derive pleasure in that don't involve her, and I'll make a hunch that you haven't been doing these things for the past while.

I made some mistakes in letting things slide, and not having a firmer stance on things, and now just like that I dont feel like the man anymore in this relationship. I got pimped pretty nicely. Still we do mostly everything together, have sex pretty frequently and since she lives alone Im at her place pretty much every evening (I know this is a mistake).

Who's to say it's a "mistake"? Some pimply faced turds on here who couldn't get laid in a brothel with a pocket full of cash? Come on, give your head a shake. If you guys are vibing well who's to say how much time together is too much or too little for that matter. Sounds to me there's some self-sabotaging behavior going on here all stemming out of some self-limiting beliefs and a narrative you've created that things aren't good and you're effing up.

One other thing is that she is six years older than me so from the get go i felt like i had to fill certain voids in her life which i couldnt ever replace (both her parents died-- dad when she was 8, mum when she was 25, and shes been in foster care since 3). Now more than ever it feels like im a boy beside her, and its the most unnerving thing being feeling stripped of your manhood.

It's because you've delegated yourself as a caregiver to her which isn't what she needs nor wants and in fact it's what will push her to losing all sense of attraction towards you. You aren't responsible to fix her, only yourself. Let her be her, if you're trying to infringe on that your behavior will look controlling and you're denying her the ability to empower herself. She's a big girl, she can make her own decisions and take care of herself; she did as much long before you entered her life.

It isnt going well right now, we're fighting and i constantly feel at blame for something. How do I regain power and respect in this relationship? What lifestyle changes can I make to feel better, and to get her attraction to spike back up? I love this girl, so ideally I'd want to avoid a breakup. How can I save this relationship?

Chill the fuck out. Reconnect with yourself. Give space to let things cool a bit, but do not be elusive or aloof. Be honest with yourself if you're feeling on edge and the two of you have plans to hangout then just tell her you need a 'me' night and she'll understand. Be a bit more compassionate towards yourself, the more you beat yourself up the less present you'll be and the more the two of you will slip into unconsciousness and the fighting will continue.

Thanks

Yeah thats true, Ive definitely lost touch with myself. Its emotional drainage, I do need some alone time to just collect my thoughts and centre myself. These menial fights just annoy the fuck out of me, but i do love the girl. Today she got annoyed and called it 'manipulative' that i sometimes call a friend or my parents after a fight. She insists she never does that out of respect...

You do this because you've lost that connection to yourself, you no longer trust in your experience so you're deferring to others to help you make decisions. Nothing wrong with using someone as a soundboard but I suspect you're looking to them for the answers and in the process they're doing a great disservice to you by doing so, and that's why it feels harder to make decisions for yourself without differing to others.

but hey when shes stressed she shuns me and storms off. Truth is when she shuts off and tells me off my own abandonment issues come out and I need someone to talk to before it all eats away at me. I told her its not a spiteful thing, i dont badmouth her i just need something else to occupy my thoughts, other than her. Talking to a friend does that for me. Anyways this is perfect example of fights we'll have. How the fuck do i handle myself? Ive explained the situation and held my ground, now what?