| The table game thread has prompted me to write some content about money and pickup. As someone who has been both broke and wealthy and has had ample experience in both types of game (and the same type of game in different contexts) I wanted to share some information about this point which is often VERY misunderstood.
First, I have written an article about gold diggers that I copy pasted here:
Article 1: The Gold Digger Myth
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A pervasive yet very damaging myth is that any woman who cares about a man’s income is a "gold digger". Believe it or not, there are many very legitimate reasons women care about your income, and it has nothing to do with them trying to use you for your money. This is a common myth generally spread by young people who are just starting out in their careers or broke jobless dead beats trying to rationalize their lack of success. (See our article: Have something going for you). Here are the real reasons MOST women care about your income (yes, some women are indeed gold-diggers).
1. Money’s correlation to success
The predominant reason most women care about your financial success is that it is often highly correlated to career success. Career success is a powerful display of high value. If you are good at your career, it probably means you are smart, ambitious, and get along well with people. These are all high value traits. Now a woman doesn’t get your year end review from your boss, so how is she supposed to try to evaluate how good you are at what you spend most of your day doing? She does it indirectly, often times, by trying to get a sense of your income.
How do you deal with these women? Recognize that they care about money because they are using it as a gauge of your success. If you don’t have money (many are successful in their life but not monetarily), figure out a way to demonstrate you are successful, ambitious, and driven. That is what most women you think care about money actually care about.
2. It’s a dead-beat filter
Another reason women care about money is to filter out dead-beats and cheap-asses. No woman wants a guy who is a deadbeat with no job and no ambition, and no woman wants someone who is a cheap ass. What women are looking for when filtering out for these type of people is not how much money you have, but your attitude towards money. Women are basically LOOKING for you to get defensive about money and it perks up an immediate red flag.
To avoid getting stuck in the dead-beat filter, for one, try not to be a dead-beat, but if you are in between jobs or are in a tough financial situation, arrange a meeting that doesn’t require much money, and don’t complain about money or make any issue of it at all. Making a big deal out of the cost of a date looks pretty bad, so don’t do it.
3. She is successful in her own right
If you live in an expensive area, such as a large metropolitan city, most women you come across that care about income probably fall into this category. These women are not interested in you buying them anything, but they are interested in you being able to hold your own. These women want an "equal". Since she is successful, she likely has considerable income and probably a social circle of similar people in similar situations. Since she already has money, she can treat herself to fancy clothes, expensive restaurants, and high end vacations. In other words, she doesn’t need your money, but she doesn’t want to have to dial down her lifestyle because you cannot keep up!
What if you simply cannot keep up financially with her lifestyle? In order to keep this kind of women interested you need to offer her experiences she cannot already get. These do not need to cost any money at all. For example, maybe you are plugged into a great underground art or music scene. Bring her into that world.
4. She is a gold digger
Let’s be real, sometimes a woman who cares about money is a gold digger. They do exist. However, don’t automatically assume that because a girl shows interest in your job, career, or money, that she is a gold digger. Don’t assume that just because she likes going out to nice restaurants or wants to take a fancy vacation she is a gold digger. Most women fall into categories 1 thru 3, not the gold digger category.
If you think you have identified a gold digger, move on, or make it clear from your interactions (do NOT verbalize it) that you are not one who is going to be getting taken advantage of. For example, do not take her out to fancy dinners, buy her gifts, etc.
In conclusion
While gold diggers exist, it is a myth that most women who bring up money or care about money are gold diggers. Women do not have all the information about you that you have, so they must often use indirect methods to gauge some of your strengths and weaknesses. Money is one of those indirect metrics a woman is likely to use, whether she admits it or not. The important thing for you, is to (a) not automatically get defensive and assume said woman is a gold digger, and (b) to understand what she is truly trying to learn about you and show her what she wants to know directly, without her having to imply it from your attitudes towards money.
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I've also written some much more contentious material about a common problem in the PUA community: the inability to separate cost of a technique with it's effectiveness. That article is here:
Stop Confusing Cost With Effectiveness
One major failure of dating advice (in particular "seduction" or "PUA" advice) is it’s inability to separate monetary cost of a particular technique or concept with it’s effectiveness. Now I’m not talking about flying a woman around the world in a private jet or pulling off some Ellis Island Will Smith in Hitch type of craziness; I’m talking about simple things like paying for your share (and hers) of a date or buying a girl a drink. The dating and "seduction" community frowns upon both of these ideas (not to mention many others) for, frankly, purely monetary and not effectiveness reasons. Don’t make this mistake.
Rationalization
Interestingly, if you actually read through explanations of why you should "never" buy a girl a drink or make her pay her half (or the whole bill!) on a date, you will get a bunch of nonsense that suggests it will actually increase your effectiveness being a cheap ass. That making a date pay is "different" and will make you stand out (it will, in a bad way), or that if you buy a girl a drink at the bar you are coming off as a "beta loser" and instead you should make her buy you a drink.
Don’t get me wrong, going up to random women offering to buy them a drink is a bad technique, as is being a woman’s personal SPAM machine. However, the real reason most "PUA" experts rationalize not spending a dime on women is because of monetary concern. For some, this is valid: if you don’t have a job and can barely pay your rent, you probably need to be cost conscious when dating, but for others, this is just stupidity. Many men, perhaps even you, are successful enough that the cost of a drink is irrelevant to them. So then why would the cost of a drink be a consideration at all? It shouldn’t be, and it actually isn’t. It’s just rationalization to behave in a cost effective manner.
The right way to evaluate ideas
Instead of mixing in cost in your analysis of effectiveness, treat them separately. The cost of an idea should not be considered at all at first. Simply consider how effective you believe a technique will be in getting the girl you want. Then, you can look at the cost of it versus other techniques that may cost more or less and make a decision that way. Granted, the most effective play may not always be the most feasible for you given your financial situation, but this is completely different from calling a technique ineffective because it costs money.
Three Examples of costly yet effective techniques frowned upon by dating experts
To end this article I am going to provide you with three very effective "seduction" techniques that are often frowned upon by dating experts for the sole reason that they are costly. They won’t tell you that cost is the reason these techniques are ineffective, and will instead come up with some hocus pocus nonsense (rationalization) to avoid the technique. Don’t be so closed minded about techniques that aren’t "free", because a lot of them work, really really well.
1. Dinner Dates
I wrote about dinner dates in detail here. Dinner dates can be highly effective; as a matter of fact, I suspect they are the most effective dates I have had in terms of both forming relationships or getting sex.
2. Getting a table at a night club
"PUA" experts frown upon getting a table at a night club, often making fun of the guys as a bunch of corporate losers who get used for their alcohol but don’t actually get the girl. While it is true some girls will latch on to a table to use them for alcohol, the odds of getting numbers, makeouts, dates, and even sex (not at the club necessarily!) when having a table at the club is vastly superior to the odds of doing so while aimlessly roaming around without the social proof a table provides. Note, sometimes you can be part of a well placed table at a club without spending a dime.
3. Buying women drinks
Seriously, a drink isn’t expensive, so not sure why one would care who pays for it, but with that said, getting drinks can be quite effective when out. The main reason is that it is an excellent isolation tool. You can pull a girl away from her friends by getting her a drink, for example. I wrote more about isolation here.
Conclusion
The costs of dating may matter to you, but first factor in effectiveness, and then decide if the effectiveness is worth the cost.
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For the table game discussion in detail, see the TWO dance moves you need thread ... I have started this thread to discuss Money and Seduction, and to address common myths out there about how money does not help or doesn't "work" etc. etc. And to address more importantly, how you can use money to your advantage (not just to get gold diggers) and how you can take advantage of the underlying traits which women find attractive in men with money. _________________ http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...
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