| Hello guys, I'm new on this forum and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice for the situation I got myself into. I've been researching and studying pickup since last year, but I haven't got around to really try the things I've learned in real life situations, which I know is the key to success. I am 23 years old, don't have much girlfriend/dating experience, always been introvert, shy and kind of depressed (having acne doesn't help) and often used to spend my time not leaving the house if I don't have to.
So, to get started with the story... Last year I finally ended my first friend zone story which lasted on and off for years, finally admitting the girl how I feel and getting over it. I thought I've learned my lesson and that I wouldn't let this happen again, but boy was I wrong.
Last year, one of my closest friends introduced me to a girl he goes to college with and her other female friend. I was instantly physically attracted to this girl, but her character seemed so direct, open and bold and I was unsure if I have any chance with a girl like that (now I know that's a terrible terrible mentality, but then I didn't really). I didn't wanna say or do anything because I didn't wanna make the situation awkward if she rejected me (bad again, I know). Me and my close friend then proceeded to hang out with her and her other friends for months (always in groups, the only alone time I had with her is when I would drive her home after since she lived in the same direction as me). That's were I met the real her and I was blown away, but by that time I was already friend zoned and didn't know what to do. She is one of those girls that gives you a lot of different IOIs (not real IOI, it's her character), so I couldn't really read her. I tried to hint that only 2 of us could go out sometimes, but she always kinda ignored it (that's when I realized my chances were slim, and I didn't know how to build any attraction.
Whats interesting is that the day we first met, she gave me her number and told me to text her and it seemed like she really liked me as a person. We had other guys in our group hangouts and she didn't give 5% of attention to any of them like she did with me. Retrospectively, I think I had the best chance at the start and missed it. She also has limited friend circle, she doesn't even have much female friends, so I knew she saw something in me that she didn't in many others. My college finals came up and we kinda lost contact for weeks, I wasn't really obsessed but I just couldn't put my finger on the situation and decide what to do.
After some time, we started hanging out again in group settings. I become so infatuated and one time when I was driving her home we sat in the car in front of her house for an hour at least, talking about life and shit. She advised me that I shouldn't approach girls, get myself into the game (that's when I knew I am fucked and friendzoned). Also, she knew my dating life was bad, that I am a relatively depressed person (I DLV so much during our interactions - bad bad bad). She said I was smart, funny, intelligent and that I can easily get a good girl. That's when I couldn't hold it anymore and told her I liked her. She said she doesn't see me that way and that she can't date anyone currently (which wasn't a lie, I've learned that she rejected some other guys too at that time) and that we should stop communicating so I can get over her and not get hurt. I was shocked but finally realized that things had to go this way, that I missed any shot I had.
After a couple of months we started chatting randomly again, having cool conversations but she still ignored any hint of a date I would plug into the conversation. I knew I wasn't over her and after a party I admitted it to her (was drunk). She said that our friendship isn't real and I know it, and we stopped communicating again.
And now to the final chapter... Around Christmas, we randomly started chatting on fb again, about a random status. At the time I didn't feel anything and it was like chatting to any of my guy friends. Few weeks later, I realized I was going to do the same mistake again, and was unsure what to do (I really like her company, if she was male she'd probably be one of my closest friends). One night I was talking about changing gyms, to go to a closer one and she asked me if I wanted to go together with her to a nearby gym. I was so conflicted at the time, was afraid to get hurt again. But I thought she maybe didn't consider us as friends so strongly, after all the breaks. I thought to myself I might have a chance. So I decided to say yes to her proposal and implemented kino, teasing, complimenting, flirty talk whenever we were together. Her reactions weren't negative and she said she loved that she is spending time in the gym with me.
But then, a blow. I connect a few dots and realize she just got a boyfriend. I wasn't sure right away, but after we had a small fight she told me she couldn't go to the gym at a certain time because she had a date with her boyfriend. I was fucking devastated. I figured out that she previously referred to her boyfriend as "some guy", "a friend" etc. in our conversations, like she didn't want to hurt me. After we set things straight about our fight she again started referring to her boyfriend as "some guy" (as in, "some guy told me I should do this exercise in the gym). Later she started mixing and I was so confused.. Later, she started pushing me to go get a coffee with some girl from my college and I realized that the friend zone never disappeared. I felt so bad and jealous and thought to myself that I should just stay friends with her and pursue other girls. But I couldn't with everyday contact like that. I started failing exams because I couldn't focus. Did some research and the general advice was to be direct and get over with it, that the friendship can't survive if I feel that way towards her.
So I did that. I told her we might not be able to continue working out together and she was shocked and asked why. I told her she probably knows why and she said she didn't. I told her that I had feeling for her, gave her some compliments and explained my situation honestly. She said she didn't even notice anything at all (how the hell? I even have a history of liking her) nor she thought that it was an option. She said I seemed so relaxed and didn't give out any signals, but now that I told her she could connect some dots. She basically rejected me and said she was looking at me as a friend from the start and that CAN'T be changed (interestingly, she just said "I even have a boyfriend now" and nothing more about that topic, I thought it would be #1 rejection reason). I said I was sorry that the situation is like that and said we couldn't be in contact anymore and left. Was I wrong to this? I mean I could repair our contact anytime probably.
I was so hurt and decided just to give up. But after a week I thought... why should I give up? I really didn't put up any real game, constant DLV, wasn't confident about anything in most of our conversations. So I decided to get advice from you guys. I don't wanna give up, yet I don't wanna break much sweat about it. Ideally, I'd like to start behaving to her like an alfa, like I'd approach any other new girl, trying to build attraction, being open and direct. Should I wait for a longer period and continue living my life like I gave up on this, at least for that period? Or should I act faster and more concrete?
I will repeat, I am one of the not many people she let that deep into her life. She enjoyed spending time with me, we really did connect on multiple levels, which means she must like my personality to an extent. I objectively don't believe that she can't change the way she looks at me, but I do need to change to attract her (and other girls too).
Wow, this came out longer than I expected. Thanks to everybody and I'm looking forward to read your replies.
EDIT: TL;DR
- I meet this girl I start to like but we only hang out in groups, I don't do anything about it
- Admit my feelings, but I am already friendzoned
- We stop communicating, start again and start going to the gym together
- I think I have a chance, she finds a boyfriend
- I decide I can't handle it anymore, admit my feelings but get rejected again.
- Don't wanna give up but don't wanna invest myself too much. What should I do?
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