Hi everybody.

I've been with this hb for 2 month (I know her for 3 month). Unfortunately she's always had a boyfriend who however had been living far away until last week. She had given me the impression that she was going to break up as soon as he arrives but very much to my suprise did not do it in the end.

She told me she is still staying with him, because he has left his country, work *everything* just to be with her, and she just can't break up with him right now as she feels sorry for him. She states that she has to give it a go (with him). She sometimes adds If she is going to break up than in februrary (three months from now) but does not disclose the reason.

We are very close, and had spent every day together up to that day. We were very emotional day week before he came (arguing, quitting the relationship, crying and the whole shebang over again; I know it is bad - I could not control myself no matter how hard I tried).

So as soon as I realised that she was not staying with me I started dating other girls, which very much upset her, she really got jealous. I must admit I did try to make her feel bad - shame on me.

Now she still sleeps with me (sex is very good, I don't want to give that one up right now). Yesterday I met the two of them in a bar (she knew I had a date, the date however did not show up so I was just there with a friend), the situation was very akward. Everybody knew about the akwardness (including the friend of my trust) except of her boyfriend. I was very calm, nice cool and collected, she was being very nervous.

Very important is the fact that we live in a (latin) country where he (the boyfrend) does not speak the language and where women easily get stigmatised for slutty behaviour.

He is very dependent on her, which drives her nuts - but I think does not make it easier for her to leave him.

Now, what should I do; I got the impression that one one side I should wait, as she might get more annoyed with him, but on the other I might lose some momentum.

I am quite confused as she needs me and is attracted to me (but not as much as it used to be) but apparently not enough. Should I try to re-build attraciton? But how would I do that in this situation.

So sorry did not read *not* in example what is not allowed

play it cool... don't worry about her leaving him or not, , don't even bring him up ... focus mostly on continuing to have sex with her and slowly work a bigger and bigger wedge in between them.

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

As Fury said, do that.

Sounds to me boyfriend is beta and she doesnt want him. Her waiting til Feb makes sense in the circumstances not sure why you're confused about that.

You'll probably win out in the end here just be patient and she'll give beta bf the flick.

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

You shouldn't have released your emotions, but what happened cannot be reversed now. Learn from it.

She's basically having sex with you/telling you about breaking up with him? This is enough evidence that there's no commitment nor a relationship on her part, she's just having fun. Girls LOVE drama, and she's doing it right. Don't worry about anything here and NEVER tell her to break up or ask about her boyfriend in any way. Keep going out with her and blowing her mind with surprises and most importantly have sex as much as possible. The more the sex, the more the attachment.

Good luck

As I continue seeing her I can't help but notice that she seem quite unhappy with how her live is going along right now - she tries to hide this from me, since she got the impression that I'm quite content with my live.

Yeah I think releasing my emotions was an attraction destroyer that could have pushed her over the obstactle of social acceptance. Nevermind let's see how it will go along,

Anyhow my mindset is that I'm enjoying the sex with her. I'm currently dating other woman, that get annoyed by seeing all of her things in my flat, but I don't care.

I had not heard of her since last Friday. Yesterday she called, and we arranged for her to come over, I stated I would prepare something to eat, but nothing special. She did not show up nor call. I called her after three quaters of an hour.

Her: I have such a stomach ache, I could not even finish my exam.
Me: (angry voice) Ok, let's talk another day.

Me hanging up, not believing what has just happend to me. I immediately phoned her up again

Me: What is going on?
Her: Telling me she is living now somewhere else, she did not know how to get home. I could not cal you, I did not have any money on the phone.
Me: It is very rude to let someone wait, I was waiting for you.
Me: I want you to explain me exactly what happend to your stomach.
Her: I'm on the bus, thiefes are coming on the bus I will call you as soon as I'm home _

Now, it is not impossible that thieves will come on a bus where I live. But that girl clearly lied to me, first regarding her stomach second she never cares about thieves on a bus - she has a cheap phone.

She has just called me 4 times, I did not pick up. I decided to shut her off for a while. What do you guys think? What should my strategy be right now?

By the way, she still has a lot of things at my place, should I get her to pick it up, wait or find another way to deal with it?

Didn't we advise you to play it cool? Instead you played it cool... for 2 seconds, then called her back and started yelling at her. This isn't going to help you. She didn't feel like coming so she made up a story. Be cool with that. Why? Because it will make her more comfortable making plans with you in the future if she knows you aren't going to be a total asshole about it if she changes her mind. You now know that you can just make other plans at the same time incase she flakes, but there's almost never upside to calling a girl out for lying about something like this.

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

Yeah, I lost my cool. I have to get in touch with my inner peaceful self again.

Any advice how to take it from here? Shall I wait for her to contact me? She is bound to contact me, as we have to resolv some things like her stuff at my place etc. What shall I do if she contacts me, approach the matter, leit it be?

Shall I let it cool down and contact her in about a week, two weeks?

I really don't want to get back with that girl anymore, I just want to learn how to handle the situation.

Yea, wait for her or a couple weeks, which ever comes first. She has a boyfriend, you need to be ok being a second option for a while. It isn't like "normal" courtship.

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

Major update.

She came around to my place tonight, she surprise visited me. She wanted to cuddle up but did not want to even kiss me. She did kiss me in the end reluctantly.

She asked me how my new girlfriend was, I explained that the one girl I'm seeing and she is jealous of is not my girlfriend, and she is not the only person I'm seeing at the moment - which was the truth.

She was always letting me know how bad she and her life is at the moment. She got to let me know that the only reason she was with her boyfriend was that she was not sure enough if I really wanted her. She tried to let me know, that I could not possibly love her if I'm seeing other women already.

When I heard that I already smelled bacon, as she pulled this move off 2 times before (yeah some of us are slow learners). I did however foolishly enough believe in that again, and told her tons of romantic staff. She started to cry, as she liked that, she thinks that's romantic.

She started to go on that she can't leave her boyfriend, and that I should know that. Then she suggested that we are better of being just friends. I told her that that's not what she want (I knew that) and we kissed some more.

Then she told me why we could not just see each other every now and then, without her having to listen to all this - and without speaking about any of this. We agreed and kissed. I told her that's cool for me, she just had to get her stuff as it upsets other women.

She told me that she was going to do that anyways and that was the moment where I found my balls again. I decided that I do not want started to pack her things. I was being greatful for that and she got annoyed.

So I decided that I just wanted to be friends with her (which I actually do want to be, she is very special for me). But to kill of any unecessary emotions I stated I would not want to see each other for 3 weeks.

That's when she realised that I was actually going to do this. She started to sob, a lot. As I did not want to see her sad I started to be nice in a friendly break up fashion. I helped her with her things and she was sobbing the whole way long. She tried to kiss me all the time but I refused. In the end we agreed on that if after the three weeks we really wanted to, we could continue having sex - I however doubtet that this would happen - i stated I was convinced that this break up is a good idea and we both will be happier. She cried, I consoled her.

She was crying all the time, but as opposed to the last time (before the boyfriend came, to live in the same country) I kept my cool all the time. I was strong and controlled my emotions, I was thinking of Pizza everytime somthing got close to me.

In the end the taxi came, she tried to kiss me again but I refused and hugged her.

So let's see how it goes along. FYI she is one of the most remarkable and annoying persons I have ever met. Whatever happens we have a deep connection, so we will be friends which I totally want. I left her off in a sad, but good state.

What do you think, will she be able to keep the 3 weeks of silence? I doubt it, I will pull this through though. Let's see what happen afterwards.

@TheFury thanks for your help dude.

Lol...sounds like she did a Jedi mind trick here.

Move on. She is playing games with you and stringing you along. And why would you want anything besides sex from a cheater....She's not going to be faithful to you either. Delete and move on. She's going to keep playing with you, and the prize you're fighting for is shit anyway

hahaha, … well depends how you put it. She came having control over our relationship and left without any relationship but wanting more and I was consoling and strong.

Well anyhow more than the three weeks have passed, she has sent me an E-mail about 5 days ago wishing me not just a happy new year as I deserve the best in every moment of my life. She was apologising for not calling me on christmas eve since her phone was stolen. She told me she felt lonely (I'm sure she is still with her boyfriend though) lost and was hoping we could see each other in the new year.

I have not answered her E-mail I still think it is a good idea to keep her waiting. I think she is unhappy how her life with the beta boyfriend is going along and I do not wish to support her in this.

What do you guys think, should I contact her or wait a little longer - what is your experiene?

Interesting account. This was the funniest line: "I was thinking of Pizza everytime somthing got close to me."

That should definitely go in someone's sig.

"hey do you guys think I should call her again?" Yeah call her, but dude you need to play it cool, her boyfriend is inferior to you. You need to continuously prove that.