Ok so i've been reading The Secret, where it discusses how you are the center of your own existence, a magnet that attracts desirable outcomes, that you can shape and form ideas into existence, just by being positive and welcome to successful results. Ok thats all fun and games, but isnt that just wishful thinking? I mean just asking the universe and waiting to receive isnt it a little ironic? Dont you have to create the opportunities and reap the seeds that you sow? On the other hand, if you try to micromanage every aspect of every outcome and manipulate each situation for your advantage, couldnt that be considered as trying too hard and feeling hopeless if things dont go according to plan?

What's the right approach here?

I haven't read The Secret but from what I gather its designed to trick you into having awesome inner game. If you have good inner game it is amazing what you can get out of it, so I think the idea is that if you have good inner game things will kind of fall into place, which sometimes they do.

Inner game without outer game is better than the other way round, so its probably not a bad strategy, and some people swear by The Secret.

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

Ok i like your view, be positive, and act on it for maximum achievements.

I've read around 70% of that book, but didn't finish it.

It actually works, but you have to develop your inner game and outer game strongly. Meaning that you have to believe that the thing you want IS going to happen for sure and working on it at the same time.

It's logic, you can't just wish for something and wait for it to happen. You have to work towards that goal while visualizing it happening to you.

Another thing i found troubling with The Secret is the visualization process of imagining yourself having accomplished something. I think of this as a double-edged sword. You can either build or destruct yourself with this technique.

The Book placed an example, in the purpose of weight-loss where a person imagines himself healthy and at his ideal weight thus setting himself up to succeed. I have done this on the past, and it really is a very important part of the process. I did not allow to view myself as i was then, but instead as i pictured myself to be. My belief was so strong that failure was not an option. And i ended up succeeding greatly. I had not even heard of that method then, it came to me on its own.

The other sides of things. But when it comes to relationships, every time i pictured myself with a specific girl, being with her, discovering her, building scenarios of how things play out, having conversations with her, etc i only ended up creating a false image of how she and our relation could be, that reality would later shatter, so my thoughts of how things could have been, ended up nothing more than obsessive daydreaming. A Situation that have only existed on my mind.

So how can you daydream while still anchoring in reality?

It's because you're not anchoring your thoughts to your actions. You're being displayed as needy and coming off and you both have a really strong connection; thus, leading to asymmetrical behaviors and flaws.

Try to act upon your thoughts, not upon what you expect your relation to be with her.
In other words and simplified, be honest in your actions and thoughts and act accordingly.

When you mean what you say, girls will automatically know it because of the emotions you elicit through your actions.