I've had a lot of trouble with approaching this co-worker. We've not had a one on one conversation, but have been in a group conversation where she was involved. I don't know why I get such AA concerning her, but I kinda took the pussy route of trying to add her on facebook. I was told she's into musician type of guys etc, and on my facebook ive got loads of pics and videos of me with my band so I thought that couldnt hurt. However... she declined the friend request. I mean, I understand that if its someone you dont know at all, but for someone you work with and have to see everyday? Wouldn't you feel obligated just to avoid awkwardness or just politeness? What it says to me is that she must find me so repulsive that she doesn't mind the awkwardness. What else could be the reason? This has really fucked with my inner game. I know they say attractiveness is subjective, but lets face it its not that subjective, there are some very clear objective guidelines and we all know what they are. So how come some girls think i'm really good looking, whilst others find me so repugnant that they wouldnt even accept a bloody friend request on facebook? It's facebook for fucksake, no one can rape you through facebook.

This turned into a bit of a rant, sorry, i just needed to vent and get some other perspectives. I know I should probably just shrug it off but it's totally thrown me off my game.

I know what you're going through man.

The thing you have to remember is, there are risks, extraneous factors, luck and timing to any interaction.

You can't dwell on most things too hard. And for some reason, these uncontrollable situations are the hardest to stomach right? That's normal. Why? Because it's illogical to the male mind.

She likes bands -> I am in a band -> she likes me.

As men, we will take every sliver of hope and confidence we have and attach it to a situation that we like. That doesnt mean its going to go well every single time right? I love hip-hop, and if I heard a girl is a hip-hop head, I will automatically do the math that we will have great rapport. But then, I find out she really likes Chingy and Soulja Boy. I'm not diggin this girl anymore.

Facebook is touchy because many people (especially girls) like to keep work and life separate. You may have gone out of your way to add her (contrary to usual, where you are more passive perhaps?), instead of gone for the delayed gratification of her adding YOU.

You are just frustrated because in your head you are thinking "FUCK YES" as soon as you hear she likes dudes who play music. You are kind of stuck in your own head of expectations. This actually successfully killed your confidence because it was SUPPOSED to go well, in your mind.

You asked why some girls think you are hot, and some don't. Well I have a great answer, not all people hate you, and not all people love you. That's how life works right? Maybe she's got a BF, maybe she's into black guys....there are a million "maybe" situations you can think of, and one of those maybe's is "she isn't into me," but guys choose not to assume that when they are confident.

What I'm trying to say is, try to temper your expectations even at moments where you think "OH HELL YES" because A. It's nice to be pleasantly surprised and B. You come across less needy (you won't proactively try to reach out, for example).

Be easy, man. Take control!

Some people don't get Facebook. I was rejecting aquatences for a while.