Hi guys, I'm new to the forum. Been browsing for ages and I've always maintained an interest in "seduction", having applied some techniques in my younger teenage/early 20's which had some pretty startling results.
This, however, is my first "real" interest in around 4-5 years and it's got a bit complicated. I'll go from the start, it's a long story but please bear with me.
I'm trying to work out a girl at work... please help - I'm hoping to seek some clarity.
Well, to cut a long story short I started the job a few months back and got fairly close to a girl at the same place.
Anyway, we got a little bit closer as time went on. She's had a boyfriend for ages (though she always talked of leaving him but can't at the moment/feels trapped/long relationship of 10 years). I won't bad mouth the guy but he hasn't got a regular job and basically criticises/ignores her all the time/they haven't had sex in over a year. She's out pretty much every weekend instead spending time with her friends and rarely sees him. She used to talk about him more with me but that's recently stopped (I only get snippets, but that might be down to me calling a "tube" in earshot of her) but I still hear snippets around work and she's now confiding in my friend about her boyfriend.
When I first started, she took to me quite a bit. I decided against going on a work weekend away but she enquired about me to my friend (who also works at the same place) and asked about my relationship status and past girlfriends. Before rejecting to go, she would pester me to go with them but I didn't in the end. At the time, I didn't think anything of it.
As the days went by, she began inviting me out with her friends at the weekend. In work, she's laughing at my dumb jokes all the time and as time progressed, she gave me a nickname too. She'd hover around me when she got the chance (once again, didn't take much notice at the time) and sometimes come and find me alone and say that she didn't want me to leave where we work and that it'd be rubbish if I left. Then, she started texting and messaging me a lot. When I wasn't there, she said she missed me and we'd sometimes swap "in jokes". This was always initiated by her. She'd also look into subjects I'd be interested in, assuming she wanted to "banter" with me and keep the conversation going.
Fast forward a month or so (this week!) and whilst the texts/messages/initiation of contact had dried up, the "flirting" had taken a different turn. She would still ask me as to whether I'd come out partying with her and her friends but also make sexual jokes/innuendos relating to me and her I'd mention I'm going into the car park and she'd say "Oh, like it in the car park do you?" with a kiss and thrust of her body. Or, for example, I'd say something the lines of "more doing, less talking" to which a sexual connotation would be made out of that. Now, of course, knowing she still had a BF, decided to just laugh it off or act surprised.
As above, I recently became more aware of this and became very self-conscious of it, so straight-batted everything back without ever accepting an offer. However, this week, the "flirting" gone up another level (or changed) again.
I do watch out for the little signs still (hair preening), the glances and stares (followed by the eventual smile or wave) or when I walk into the room she'd take a look at me and see if I was going to say/do anything.
The other day, she asked whether she should get a piercing and asked if I thought it would be "sexy". I naturally said it was her body and it was up to her, she said her BF wouldn't allow her. She'd also walked from her desk to come into the office I was in and flaked herself across it. Needless to say, she made another two remarks about sex, ha.
Yesterday, we'd watched a video on YT together and for the entirety, she had my leg and my arm touching hers. I don't think I was the one who initiated it, it just "happened". I rolled with it. (Two hours previous, she'd said to my friend - "If I was lying in bed with XXXX (me), I don't think he'd be the type to touch me" - she was, at the time, on a big rant about her BF to my friend whilst they were out together at work, why she'd confide that to my friend, I don't know, as he was always going to tell me).
Anyway, that was the first time I'd made any contact with her. Today, it ramped up again. We watched another video alone (just the two of us) and I had her leaning her breasts onto me... for four minutes... whatever the hell that means, I don't know, I just rolled with it. Today, we also had a play-fight (arm wrestles) for the first-time and she let me "touch her" jokingly, as I stamped her with the work stamp and held her arm. I initiated the playfights, challenging her and she just rolled with it. Later, referring to "breast" touching, she said a colleague had complained that her breasts touched him and that she didn't mean anything by it, it was just because they were big.
She invited me out again this weekend (detailing where/when and time) which I rejected (I am genuinely busy). I imitated that I was watching a film on Sunday and she said she wanted to see it and looked disappointed when I didn't ask her to come with me (I'm going with another friend). Additionally, she outrightly complained to me when I "fist-pumped" someone else and jokingly dry humped another girl's chair, asking why she didn't receive the same SPAM... as she always does, she jokingly remarks that I'm "horrible" to her.
The following day (Friday) she came into work and told me that she wanted to playfight some more today (she referred to them as "competitions") as apparently, she felt she was "getting stronger" by doing them. How you'd get stronger losing two arm wrestles and a pull-up contest I've no idea.
Anyway, we started off like we left it on Thursday, "banter"-wise, played a little text game and then she didn't reply. Then she went out for a bit, leaving me hanging. I went to lunch to which she then text out of the blue, stopping the game asking "if you could choose a soundtrack to your life, what would it be?". Now, there's me thinking why on earth you'd just change tunes like that... I assumed she was digging for a title of song so she could read the lyrics and see if it related to her, I don't know... or it could have been purely innocent. Anyway, I told her I was busy and that I would respond later. I didn't, went cold and then she came to see me and hover.
Then, she went off on one. She began telling me that she was shy and that she wasn't a whore and that she's really enjoyed the attention she's been getting. I asked if she was a bit of a tease and she said "yes". I got a word in, asking "What do you want, XXXX? What is exactly that you want?" (I was referring to life in general, not to me so as not to give anything away). Then came the flood of remarks about her relationship and how it's hanging by a thread. She said that doesn't want to cheat and that she wouldn't and couldn't do it, then reiterated she wasn't a slut again. This was getting heavy, so I decided to take this outside.
It continued some more, this time going into her boyfriend and how he hasn't touched her in year, how he doesn't work and how she's sick of being the breadwinner. She says that she loves him, but not in that way anymore - that the feelings had gone... however she felt duty-bound to stay with him because he's a bit of a... well, depressive and maniac by the sounds of things. I told her (getting narked now) that it wasn't her responsibility to which she told me she knew that but it she was scared what he might do. I asked her what she meant - scared by what he might do to her, or himself and she said "both". We both went back inside and the conversation continued... though in the interim, she sent me a text.
"Come out with us tonight"
We moved to another room and off she went again. All this time, she's asking for my opinion and I was saying I had one but it's not for me to say (I later learned from a girl/friend that all this may have been key indicators for me to take control the situation). Anyway, she's now saying that perhaps she should just continue to lead her double life and stick her head in the sand about how unhappy she is. She tells me if she leaves him then she "doesn't know what she would do" and "who would want her". She then said she wanted stability and that she thought he current boyfriend would offer it, and he has in a way, at a cost to her. She then says that he's probably the only one who will let her do what she wants to do and the fact he "doesn't care" is convenient to her... as you can imagine, this was skullfucking me something chronic so I said to her that I was going to say only one thing. I told her that I was only going to say one thing on the situation, then I'm drawing a line under it.
"Your boyfriend *pause* doesn't know how lucky he is"
I went to walk away, she followed, telling me that she was "high-maintenance" (something she'd accused me of in the past as a joke, ha). I went back to my workstation and decided that I'd had enough of it all. Minutes later, after a bit of a silence I receive another two texts, initiating the text game we were playing. I completely ignore it and finish out my day.
Just after we finished, she approaches me alone outside and asks if I'm joining her and her friend that evening. I say no, that I'm done with it all now but thanks anyway. She's disappointed, and then asks if I would continue the text game with her. I say no, and she walks off a bit huffy/pouty.
Later in the evening after discussions with a friend, he tells me to go and meet her and her friend. Realising that perhaps, yes, this is an opportunity, I get dolled up and go out. I let her know that I've changed my mind to which she's excitably texting me back while I'm travelling in. I let her do most of the texting, initiating the contact.
I get there and introduce myself to her friend who exclaims "Oh my god, you're beautiful!" at me. Turns out that my love interest has also saved a seat next to her, which she pats to let me know where to sit. It starts off well, we have a laugh and a joke about work and about their social lives. It takes a matter of a couple of minutes to have my colleagues hair draped over me, her leg pushing into mine considerably hard under the table and our arms touching. I roll with it and don't withdraw.
In the meantime, her friend ups and leaves for a small period of time leaving us alone. We continue the small talk, nothing major, her friend then returns. We're now onto relationships and my friend at work comes up (the one she confided in about me). Anyway, the other girl at the table has a bit of a crush on him, to which my colleague exclaims that she'd never sleep with him but thinks he's a great bloke. Then, for some reason, she says "Oh, and I'll never sleep with XXXXX (me)".
Obviously, underneath I was seething but I played it cool and laughed it off. All this time, we're basically rubbing up against eachother AND she's wanting picture after picture after picture of me and her together. Anyway, she leaves for the toilet and I'm now with her friend. We were talking about my workplace and who my colleague/love interest likes and her friend says "Well, you do know she likes you, don't you?". I "mmmmhmmmm it" and she reiterates it again, following it up with "and that's a good place to be".
My friend returns and we continue our conversations and jokes. Her friend leaves us alone again (she's getting attention from someone at the bar) and we talk again, nothing major and have a couple of pictures together. Her friend returns and we tell her we're off for a cigarette together. Outside, isolated, I decide to tell her I'm leaving.
She, naturally, begs me to stay. I say I can't, trying to remind her of what I said earlier in the day that I'd "drawn a blue line under everything". Anyway, she's asking me to stay and I decide to then tell her I've got a bit of a crush on her. She laughs it off saying "No, no you don't... how can anyone want me?". I affirm that I don't want to be prickteased all night if nothing's going to happen and that I just can't be friends. She's a bit drunk now, so it seems she misinterprets what I'm saying. She tells me that she won't let anything happen. I then come back with "No, this is the problem... I DO WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!". She's now telling me that the "bad" version of her is out tonight and that "anything can happen if you want it to". Sounded all a bit tease-like to me so I questioned it. Somehow, we got onto her BF again and she told me that she knows she's going to have to cheat on him and end it that way. Probably a hint to me, who knows.
Anyway, like a sucker she's convinced me to stay on and we go onto a club. We have a few more drinks and then her friend says to me "You like her more than a friend, don't you?". I deny it, but I'm rumbled. I admit it. She then asks me whether she wants me to find out whether the feeling is mutual. I decline, saying I just want to know what YOU think I should do: "You do know she's in a bad place with her relationship, don't you?" I say I do. She says it again, seemingly to force home the point.
So, my love interest gets ridiculously drunk. Her friend whom I was talking to was tasked with making the phonecall to her boyfriend to pick them both up. I'm still playing spare prick as we usher her out of the club. Her friend goes off to make the call and I'm with her, alone. She's going on about her boyfriend and how she's expecting him to go off on one and how much she hates him. She asks me to sit on leg on the ledge, I agree and wrap an arm around her back so my hand can do some gentle rubbing on the small of the back. No objections with that. I then ask her "XXXX, I need to know something... I can't do this, go out and be prickteased... so, do you like me?"
"I'm so confused, I don't understand, my lifes a mess..."
I push some more... "Listen, I need you to tell me so I can get on with my life. I like you, but you need to tell me whether it's mutual"
"I'm so confused, please go to work for me tomorrow, I can't answer this right now, I'm so drunk"
Her friend comes back, briefly interrupts and tells us she's going to be ten minutes. Her legs get tired so I suggest I swap with her so she sits on me. She does, and I've now got both hands politely poised on her. To be fair, I didn't do anything as she was drunk. Her friend wanders off, I ask again.
"For short-term pain, please tell me what's going on"
Same responses, then a killer line.
"I don't want to hurt you".
Now, since that was said, it's haunted me like mad (that said, taking a step back and thinking about it rationally, that could have several connotations... anyway, I digress).
I countered "Well, that doesn't sound good so I won't be doing this again". She then goes off about how can anyone like her in this state, that she's a mess, she doesn't understand and know what to do with her "double-life" and how much she dislikes her man.
Well, eventually, it's time for me and her friend to walk her to the meeting point. She's apologising to me for being drunk and I'm saying I don't want to go out again in these circumstances again. She insists that I MUST go out with them again, she wants to see me. She's also slagging her boyfriend off, big time.
Anyway, I get them there then get the taxi home. She texts;
Her: "I'm sorry"
Her: "Please still let me be your level 2" (level two is the jokey nickname I give her telling her that's our level of "friendship". She hates it and always asks why can't she be higher... apparently, I'm a level 6.
Me: "For...."
Now at this point, I was expecting her to apologise for leading me on. That's what I wanted, anyway.
Her: "For being drunk and losing me shoe"
I ignored it. I'd made it clear I was walking away from it now. I wake up the next day and I've got a message from her. She'd been at work ten minutes and she'd already text. "Sorry I was so drunk last night, I'm hanging today"
I ignore it, again. I look on Facebook, a picture of me and her is now her profile picture. WTF.
I decide to ignore her some more.
Eventually, later in the day, after tagging me in some photos from the previous night she messages again about something we always talk about, being jokey and trying to make conversation. She can see that I'm out with friends on facebook and as she's not out that night, she obviously seeing what I'm doing. I ignore it and plough on (though it's hard).
She then starts being a lot more active on FB and eventually, it turns out that she went out "spontaneously" to party. She uploaded photos and upbeat statuses and removes the profile picture. Once again, I ignore them. I know where she is aswell, she's not too far from where I was out.
Anyway, the following day, she's active again. She's liking a wallpost of mine, updating her status to a song called "I don't wanna be here, I wanna be there" and tagging me in a jovial "great weekend" post. I've ignored it some more. I've got work tomorrow, so I'm wondering how I should play it?
The truth is, I do like this girl, a lot. I've kept everything platonic for the first couple of months as I didn't know where she was in her relationship but whilst I was once an expert at this, I am now in complete limbo with what her intentions are. Does she like me? My friend (and a girl-friend) said don't pay too much attention to the negative stuff as they're looking for a reaction and that they reckon she does like me, she's just got way too much shit going on at the moment.
There's obviously a lot more to this story but that's the most pertinent points. She once, rather annoyingly, in the middle of all these happenings called me "mate"... which obviously I didn't like, but with everything else that's happened, it seems to me we're both playing a game and trying to "manufacture" a situation where something happens between us/force her to make a decision.
I don't know, what do you guys think? (and thank you for reading, if you got all the way!)
CHAT