I'll start by saying thanks for this awesome forum and I appreciate the help. My situation is as follows, but first a little background. I have been dating an awesome girl for around a month now. She is 7 years younger, a hb 9.5 and is overall great to be around, fucking beautiful...by far the hottest girl I have ever dated . I am by no means attractive I would say a 6. I work with this girl and I let her chase me then worked my magic and thats where we stand(non exclusive I should mention).

The problem is this, yesterday I went for a beer with a few friend, I live in a pretty small town so everyone knows each others business and their pasts. Anyway while at the bar I see my girls ex boyfriend(I know its her ex because we saw him out one night and he stared me down a few times) and she told me that they were high school sweet harts that dated for 2 years...but he cheated.

So I see him again at the bar, this time without my girl and he confronts me on my way to the mens room. He then proceeds to ask if I'm dating Mary and I say we have been seeing each other. He then gets slightly aggressive(closer to me when talking) and tells me that he used to date her in high school(7 years ago) and that they have recently been in contact with one another again. I act like its no big deal because really to me it isn't and I tell him its fine that she can be friends with whoever she choses. Then I end the conversation and go to the mens room.

Few questions
-One do I tell the girl I ran into her ex and what he said?
-Do I ask about her talking to him again? we are not exclusive...

I will also add that normally I would have been much more of a smart ass to this guy but he is probably 90 lbs heavier than me, 5 inches taller and an ex wrestler, 8 years younger and would clearly beat my ass. I'm small, not tough and didn't feel like getting beat down.

One last thing the girl I'm dating has a history of cheating, she slept with a married man twice her age.

How did I handle the situation and where do I go from here?

Hey mate. I'd say u handled the ex properly stayed cool acted unaffected. I personally just brush it off but if you do wanna mention something bring it up indirectly don't make a point of starting a convo about it try and work it into an exsisting convo so it doesn't seem like an interrogation. Your last comment about the girl you're dating kinda contradicts what you said earlier in your post. One thing you wanna make sure of is that you don't have blinders on towards this girl. Just be aware of the situation you're in with this girl. Until you make her your exclusive gf she's free to see whoever she wants and going by what you said are you sure this is someone u wanna be in a relationship with. Anyway hope that helps a bit good luck.

If you're exclusive; you're exclusive. If you're in an open relationship, then it's open for you AND her. Make what you want clear to YOU and to her, but first to yourself.

You handled the ex the right way. Avoid direct conversation about him with Mary.

I would give better advice but until YOU know where you stand on your rules, and have HER know them too, then I can't give much else

Good luck man

Thanks for the advice, I haven't brought up her ex and personally never bring up the "what are we, where is this going" conversation with girls. I always let them handle it and just assume that is what I'll do with this one....thoughts?

Anyone else have any advice or insight on course of action?
-should I bring up exclusive...I feel like this makes me look needy, especially if ex told her about convo...no indication this has happened though I think they still comminicate
-talk about ex, also think this makes me look needy especially since so much time has passed, if I was going to do it probably should have done it right away in my opinion? but not sure

So the situation with the ex is now I believe is non existent, I talked to her about it and she acted like they were just friends and nothing more. We still have not had the What Are we Talk, and I'm honestly ok with this. The only thing is she seems to be pulling away now. Not as receptive as she was before, she doesn't text or call as much as she used to and I feel like we have taken a step back. I'm honestly not sure what is going on but I have been playing it cool and act unaffected. At this point I'm really not sure what else to do because I really like this girl and not just because she is hot but because she is a good girl that is actually pretty fun to be around. Any advice on how to get her wanting me more again...I need to raise her attraction to where it was before and not sure how to proceed.

Let her initiate contact, stay busy when you're not with her, I think you're within your rights to fuck other girls. If you haven't had that "lets be exclusive" talk yet. Basically only make her as important in your life as she is making you.

Eg. You text her on a Monday. She ignores you then replies on the Thursday. You should wait a few days before replying. Otherwise you look desperate. Make her work for your affection.

Pretend it didn't happen. I repeat.. Pretend it didn't happen.


The only way your current girlfriend is going to let him is if you bring it up to her and get emotional about it. Let her text him for a bit - if she even is. He'll blow himself out without a doubt. Thats obvious because of the way that he approached you. He won't get far - I promise.

Let it go.

If your girl asks you just say " Oh yea. I got wasted and forgot about it. Tell him I say hey"

Don't let little things like this bother you because he only gets in if it does.

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Thanks for the advice, sounds super solid but I already brought up the Ex and already regret having done so. Dude is definitely fucking my mind up. At first I thought who gives a fuck they dated in fucking high school but know I have been acting somewhat needy and need to fucking stop. I'm just going to take it day by day and see what comes of it. I will also say I didn't and don't intend to bring up her being in contact with him, doesn't really bother me so long as I'm the one still boning her.