So I'm trying to get my ex back (I've posted a few things on this topic).

I've kept screwing up, and went sorta burn it to the ground pushy. It's uncharacteristic for me, but I really like this girl (why I keep fucking up). I broke up with her (stupid), and she has been seeing another guy. I've seen her twice, and talked to her on the phone two times in the past month. I've had a few texts, some coming off needy.

I removed myself from the situation for two weeks, have been hanging out with other people and working on projects. I'm more or less back to emotional baseline.

We made out two weeks ago, and I nearly got her back (she said things like, "I've really missed your eyes", did the "What are you thinking?" while looking deeply at me, and other things like that). I haven't fucked her in quite a while though (a big problem of mine, but I don't want her to feel "slutty" - but I think I should get over that).

I think she may have wanted me to tell her I loved her? But that seemed dangerous.

I texted her the next day after making out with her about how I wanted to eat her out so bad, and then I kinda tried to push the subject.

At first she was like, "I LOVE IT!!! "

but then after a day or two (of somewhat pushy/needy texts from me, sadly - it has been difficult to control myself, I'm not used to being emotionally caught up in a girl, usually I'm cold and don't get attached) she was like, "We're supposed to be friennnnnnnds" and then I called her, acted weird and she said that maybe we should not talk for a bit, which I've honored for two weeks.

She posted some stuff on my FB a couple days after, and has liked some stuff of mine.

I've fucked this up pretty hard, but she still seems to like me somewhat. If she wasn't seeing this other guy, I'm sure she'd give me another shot, but getting her back seems tough. I wouldn't normally put this much effort into a girl (I never do) - but I think this one has serious long-term potential (we're both at about marrying age (we're both 27, I turn 28 in like 3 days), but I broke up with her because I told her I wasn't ready for that sort of seriousness, and I'm only so-so on kids, and my bitter 34 year old female friend told me not to "steal her breeding years")

I'm releasing a children's book (which she has helpedo n as well as a social networking/ecommerce site this weekend (right before my birthday). She knows and is excited about the children's book (but likely doesn't know I intend to publish it this weekend). Almost nobody knows about the ecommerce site (which will be pretty involved, involving apps, LinkedIn style contacts, and a Facebook-like wall).

Can I use any of this to recontact her and get past the neediness I showed? I know the usual advice is, "GFTOG", but in this case - I can already do that, and I don't really want to. I've slept with over 30 girls, and I like this one best.

I don't really know that the PUA forum is even the best place for this sort of question, but hey, it's a start.

TL; DR:


I showed quite a bit of neediness to a girl I used to date. We've been making out within the past month, and I'm releasing two major projects (a book and a website) that are going to come off as pretty awesome. She's dating a guy, and seems to like him, but she's considered coming back to me recently (two-ish weeks ago). I then went on a very needy kick and pushed her away. I wouldn't go after her so much (I've dated plenty), but she's far and above the best girl I've dated so far.

Is there a way to get past the neediness I showed? Possibly at a time when I am comparatively awesome, like after releasing two major projects?


How do you recover from showing neediness?

Well first of all, you need to understand few things before you continue.
First, is she as good of a girl as you say if she is making out with you and such when she is seeing someone else? Generally speaking, if she is willing to cheat on the guy she is seeing now for you, she won't have such qualm over cheating on you either.
Secondly, your "I haven't fucked her in quite a while though (a big problem of mine, but I don't want her to feel "slutty" - but I think I should get over that)." is quite contradictory from what you seems to try to say about your feelings for her. Unless I have misunderstood, you really want this girl back and you think she is someone special that has "serious long-term potential". But again if I understood correctly, you think not having sex with her was a "big problem". So is it sex or a relationship you are looking for in this girl? If its the former, then I would advice you go find other girls. If its sex with this girl in particular that you want, then you should readjust your mindset. Stop confusing yourself and thinking you love her when you just want to have sex with her. This should naturally help solve your neediness issue. Now if you actually looking for a relationship with her in long term, then again I suggest you readjust your mindset and think long and hard about why it didn't work in the first place and how you are different from before.

From that long text, I got the impression that you yourself don't really know what you want with this girl. That is why you are making mistakes such as being overly needy and such.

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Let me clarify - they're not exclusive (as far as I know - this may have changed) when she's making out with me, and I get the impression that this is not normal behavior for her. She and I talked before, and when you're not exclusive, you're allowed to do anything you want with another person - at least that was our agreement.

I was saying that not having sex with a girl makes her less likely to be attracted to you. As in, if I had fucked her recently, I think she'd be more inclined to go with me. I do want to have sex with her (obviously) but that's not the primary motivation here. The sex was great, but the girl was too. I chose not to have sex with her the first time we hung out after we broke up (and she wanted to, thinking back on it), because I didn't want her to feel "slutty" - which is just some irrational bullshit on my part.

The second time, I was nervous and she had huge terrible sunburns on her legs.