Alright, firstly I want to get this off my chest everytime I read that word: What the fuck is up with this shit?

Now that's out, let's proceed my concern.
A few years ago I decided I had to do something about my lack of communication with women. I read the game, watched the PUA show and luckily had a friend with the same interest (at least he's better off now). Yet no matter how much I learned or tried the succesrate was zero.

But what I have lately found out is that my confidence ain't the problem, nor my physical appearance or perhaps AA. But instead I realized that I suffered from the complete version of the purity myth.
For those who are unfamilliar with the term, the purity myth is some stupid ideal that portrays women as the name suggests, as pure creatures. It is being tought by schools, media, movies, music, and people around you.
It makes you believe that only virgin girls are of any value and those who had 4 guys are sluts.

With this myth I always put women on a high pedestal because it gave me the illusion I was doing good. And everybody around me encouraged me to do so. "Save that virginity for someone special" "that well raised girl looks cute, she must be pure" "Wait for the right moment when the time comes" "Those girls who had 2 boyfriends are just slutty, there are more better girls around" "Girls don't like sex" - And I could go on and on... well.... FUCK YOU I now say to that. Litteraly none of that appears true.
Sex is not that important, that innocent looking girl you know had 10 guys fucking her already but you refuse to believe it, the right moment never comes, at the age of 16 practically any girl already had one or two times sex, and girls love sex as much as guys do.

Now that I am conciously aware of this myth I hoped I got rid of the problem. But no. This mindset is so baked in I'm affraid I'll never get rid of it. Everytime I hear that cute girl I had a crush on slept with multiple guys, the mind still fills with some sort of guilt and dissapointment. But not just her. Every single time you see a girl you wouldn't expect to turn out differently than society teached you.

I seriously need to get rid of this ideal as I do not prefer to remain the deluded kissless virgin for the rest of my life.

What do you guys think about this issue? Does anyone else struggle with it? and does anybody have good tips on how to get rid of it?

No.

No what?
I would fancy something rather more constructive.

I had the same idea of girls. Being brought up in a conservative community, I had the exact same ideas as you are having now.

In fact, you are better off than me since you do not lack confidence and you do not have AA.

The thing is. The only way to destroy this myth is to destroy your ego. And the only way to destroy your ego is to show it that it is wrong. That the whole purity idea is wrong. That the whole '' girls dont like sex'' is wrong.

And the way to do this ( other than actually thinking it) is to approach, kiss girls, have sex with them.

On a mental level, the ego is stronger and more wise than your new mindset. Thus, it is far more effective to put your new mindset into action in reality rather than just thinking '' girls like sex, girls want to be kissed, there is no such thing as virginity'' etc.

So my advice to you is to go out and be direct about it. Go straight for the k-close as soon as possible. If it fails first time, it will work the second time.

Thank you for your response!

I haven't actually thought about associating this with an ego before, you could be quite right about this!
The purity mindset generates quite high standards. Too high to ever match a girl.
What I was learned was that there are plenty of girls around who never slept with anyone, who don't kiss with everyone, and where you could share all of your feelings to.
But from what I have found out, obviously the first two are deluded expectations, and the latter would definitely bring you into the friendzone if you share every single feeling.

A good argument I once read or heard was "If you were in a relationship with her, you would want to have sex with her as well right? wouldn't you be destroying her purity in case you ever break up? Would you be bothered about her virginity and purity?"

Though I have been very attracted to some girls lately that were 'not pure' so that seems a bit of progress opposed to a few years back when I did not prefer anything unless it was 'fresh of the shelves'.
But I still need to get rid of this weird guilt feeling every time you see or hear a girl you know or would think is innocent fucking somebody if not many. I hope it vanishes when I can play my part.
I guess some of these feelings are also combined with plain jalousy. Seeing that dirtbag fuck a very nice girl you 'knew' would know better.

I agree with you completely. I guess it's now time to move up a notch.


Still I do wonder while this whole purity thing is proven false over and over in reality, we as society still encourage/support it and the media still acts like it's really there.
When you start to analyze lovesongs you will see how many are romantically incorrect. The same goes for Hollywood; The typical douche bag protagonist that somehow ends up with the hot chick.
If you are raised as a kid with these illusions, you expect them to be true. If society and media would learn us the correct way of how to communicate on this matter, many lifes would be so much easier.

Again thanks for the response which is actually constructive!

To me it seems like the social conditioning has taken over your mind. You are over thinking everything.

You have to keep a space between your true self and your mind. Next time these thoughts come to you, next time you start judging a girl or whatever, then try and observe those thoughts. Try and focus on where these thoughts are coming from? You will quickly realise this is not your own thoughts. Try to have a distance between yourself and your thoughts.

Another thing is to feel the judgemental thought, feel the way you are judging, feel the way you are afraid of taking a step further but do it anyways. I did this a lot when I had a lot of AA. I would feel how the fear would take over my own self-control. I would feel the fear but I would say yes anyways. I would see a girl that I liked, I would then fight with my own mind for 2-3 mins until I would tell myself '' Yes, alright, I am afraid. But I will approach her anyways''. Try it. It sounds absurd but you will be surprised how well it works.

To sum it up; Make a distance between yourself and your thoughts by observing your negative thoughts whenever they pop up. Secondly, feel the fear, but say yes anyways.