In a bit of a mire at the moment. Something has come to light about my personality which I don't think is healthy but am a little unsure how to go about rectifying it. Have found that if I really like a girl then my heart is a open to them to tread on. I don't dote on them or put them on a pedestal - well not verbally or in my behavior towards them. But my internal emotions, my thought patterns about the potential a specific relationship could hold runs away with me.

It has happened a few times in the past and it has just happened again recently - as a few of my previous posts alluded to. Short term relationship, everything was going well, really well in fact, my mind was running away with itself thinking how good this could be and then its over because of my past. Now as my mate said 'fuck her she was only with you for a short period of time and if she cant get over your past then that's her fault not yours'. I wish it was that easy. I have things I like to do in life - see mates, cycling etc etc, even love my job usually. But when I get attached to a girl and things fall apart everything seems... well lame. And gaming just seems not worth the effort.

I know I will bounce out of it but it usually takes me fucking ages (disproportionate for the length of the relationship) and I am fed up of that. Anyone got any suggestions? Thinking maybe meditation would be a good place to start?

Your Buddy is correct!

Meditation? In the aspect of clearing your mind, of all your bullshit thoughts of inadequate nonsense, then yes by all means meditate!

Your goal is not to look for sex or a woman but merely to look for and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

This best fix; MEET OTHER WOMEN!
That's because you give up the things you enjoy with the thoughts of pleasing HER!

A "Nice" guy.
The guy your Momma raised you to be!

You know how girls always fucking complain about how they want to meet a nice guy instead of the typical Asshole? Well you know why that shit happens? Because girls fucking love Assholes!

Trouble is Assholes seem to have trouble sticking around.

Prison, sudden death, someone else’s Baby’s Daddy, things like that.

Now I’m NOT saying you need to be an Asshole to attract women, on the contrary. You need to look at the attributes that attracts women to that type of mind set.

Assholes are not needy, they don’t require validation from anyone, they are always self-serving, they are CONFIDANT, and they are independent. They believe in themselves wrong or right.

If you start off from the mental place that you are an amazing guy, and that you don’t need a partner (or anyone else for that matter) to validate you, then you are on the right track. The woman you become attracted to becomes important for you, but not necessarily 'everything'.

You don’t depend on her to make you feel important, or like a man, or even loved, because those things are already part of you.

Therefore as a man you would still be capable of rational thought, and capable too of knowing that your relationship MAY come to an end, but you know that wouldn't be the end of the world, because you are a slick enough person to find someone else worthy of your affection.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

THIS but also keep yourself busy, I think that your letting these girls become the center of your world which is not good.

I will meet other women, I started re-gaming tonight in fact, but it felt false. As for not doing my own hobbies which enjoy, well I actually do continue them even when I am dating, and I will continue doing them after a relationship fails. It's more about the level of enjoyment I obtain from them after things go pair shaped. I kind of feels like a level of fun has been stripped away.

It's endorphin-withdrawal. When you meet somebody new, for the first year or two your body secretes endorphins which make you happy when you are around that person. It's a drug. Biologically, we are designed for short-term monogamy. Out body is built to reproduce so it makes us feel good when we meet a potential partner. When relationships end, we tend to go through a lengthy withdrawal stage.

Now, the best way to get out of this funk is to own your own head-space. Live in the moment, like you are born anew every morning - a completely new person. Condition yourself to not dwell, acknowledge or think about the past. They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. Every time you catch yourself dwelling on the past, make a concerted effort to switch your thought patterns to something enjoyable (i.e. what you'd do if somebody gave you a billion dollars, for example).

/Worked for me. YMMV.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

This will sound brutal, but the way you build resistance to your own emotions, is through repeated failure. Eventually you'll be able to tough it out and not give a fuck. Think about the first time a girl you were interested in didn't return your interest? Devastating, right?
Think about how many fucks you give now if a girl you approach blows you out cold?
Same goes for the more serious stuff. Just don't get so calloused that you stop giving a fuck about the relationships you're in at all. It's happened to people I know.