| Hi all,
I have been fascinated with the concepts in PUA for several years now. I've been living in the country of about 45 minutes outside of a major city, but where I am specifically is very very rural. It hasn't been exactly the best place to meet like-minded people.
I am a single father, 32, with 3 kids (12, 10 and 8 - yes my 1st was born when I was 20). I've only been in one serious relationship - with my children's mother. My job is demanding, and so I don't have free time to put towards dating or pickup or the like. My kids also live with me primarily (they see their mom 3 afternoons a week), so I don't have much chance to get away without them.
I'm actually going to be moving as soon as possible (once finances permit) to a small liberal college town with like minded people (more environmentalist and non-conformist types, like me). I'm hoping to find arrangements with other families to get more free time from my kids.
So that's my story.
I'm a bit worried that having getting involved with a father with 3 kids is a LOT to ask. My goal is to eventually find that amazing babe I'd want to settle down with, and maybe have some fun being more charismatic, flirty, and maybe some friends-with-benefits along the way. But the biggest fear is the multiple kid factor. Though I'm hoping that can be an advantage, to have them around and see how easily she socializes and takes a liking to them, before really advancing anything romantically (beyond basic kino, flirting, rapport, etc).
My first big issue is never striking conversation with 99% of women (not even hot ones) simply because I don't have a clue what to say. Luckily, moving to this college town, there's a high likelihood of running into a person on a regular basis. But where I am now, it's so populated/developed and people live so spread out that running into people is uncommon and so closing the deal is more urgent. Kinda puts way too much pressure on the scenario, so I freeze up. I don't even know how to talk about important topics quickly enough to establish that we have anything remotely in common. With the kids, my life is fairly settled (in terms of priorities and interests), so similar interests matter more than the average situation.
I'd like to be able to approach a beautiful woman in the supermarket, farmer's market, or maybe something more intimate like a yoga class, etc and strike a random conversation that starts out very subtle and benign. Not too cocky. But escalates into a longer conversation until maybe we find mutual reason and comfortableness in exchanging contact information. Or to continue off once we meet again. I'd definitely like to develop a certain amount of rapport, kino, flirting, etc as much as possible with arbitrary attractive women right when we meet for the first time. That's goal #1. Goal #2 is being able to take things further with probably several women and seeing whom I like the most. Establishing that intimacy and attraction in more 1-on-1 (or small group) scenarios, without messing it up.
And beyond all that, I don't want to get into the awkward situation where I am trying to talk to a woman who already has a boyfriend. Somehow, this needs to be discovered before I bother with building attraction/flirting. Conversation is different whether you're talking to a spoken-for woman and someone whom you are obviously mutually filtering out. I don't want to ask the wrong questions and the scenario become embarrassing. So it may take some time and effort at benign conversation (ie establishing interests and availability before suggesting exchanging of contact info or hanging out in potentially misleading circumstances) with someone to get to know them first before I start laying on more attraction building conversation. In an intimate setting where I am guaranteed to be around the same woman again and again (like a class), I have to be careful not to screw up badly. It's a small town. Of course, if it's randomly in public with a stranger I have a low likelihood to meet again, I probably can be more aggressive and get rejected from her being spoken for.
I also have a 10 year old daughter whom which I am very overprotective over and don't want her to get the wrong idea with women coming and going as to what relationships are about. I don't want her to get the wrong idea and end up getting involved with any boys (at the right age) who are anything less than decent and wholesome. My ex-wife and I knew each other for 6 months before she got pregnant at 19 (with a turbulent marriage) and I don't want the same for my daughter.
Over the years I've accumulated several dozen books on PUA, confidence, self-esteem, likability, leadership, etc... so reading material is not my issue.
I suppose my biggest question is how practical is it to adapt PUA tactics to a single father situation. It's more about finding that one hot babe that can make me the best person I can be, and vice versa, and where we share enough lifestyle and dreams in common that neither of us feel stifled or having to compromise too much.
I'd like to transform my social skills to be more charismatic in general. I don't need to get acquainted with a woman and sleep with her within 24 hours. I don't need to get into complex gaming or too many NLP details, etc. Peacocking doesn't need to be a giant cowboy hat or bling, just something unique about me. Just an edge to stand out and get the right girl. To be able to proactively choose her rather than wait around and go with someone imperfect by default.
My biggest worry is that the 3 kids complicates matters significantly (even more than 1 or 2 kids). And I'm unsure how to apply PUA to my scenario.
I'm also thinking that it's a good idea to have a best buddy to talk to about this, to brainstorm/plan, and we help each other out on our goals with women?
I would also imagine that it would be beneficial to start practicing in public with women and see just how far it can go (ie a phone number/email, etc), especially situations that just don't matter, ie down where I am now before I move.
I've probably written way too much. Haha.
Thanks,
Tomas
|
CHAT