Hello fine gentleman,

I think I may have screwed myself out of something good here. Could use some guidance.

Story:

Me and this girl in my college class have been crazy for each other for around 5 months. She's never been in a relationship and only kissed like one dude. Super inexperienced. Anyways we got very close over the last while and well she knows how I feel and she's told me the same. About a month ago we spated over how she was unwilling to go outq on a date. I had been seeing other chicks at the time as a way to hold off the oneitis. It failed. About 3 weeks ago we made up and started hanging out. This time getting a fair bitq more intimate. Intimidate cuddling, hand holding. Stuff friends don't do. The first time we hung I tried to kiss her. She denied. So I shrugged it off and continued talking to her.

Afte that first hangout she texted me around 8 hours a day every day, always initiating the conversation. Around a week ago we hung out again. This time it got even more intimate. Had she not been on her rag it probably w old have lead to sex. Anyways, I had her in my arms and I'm kissing her neck leading up to her lips and again. She pulls away and says no. I'm pretty livid at this time. She tells me for months how much she likes/wants me but a kiss is out of the question? After she tells me she just wants to be friends that cuddle and she doesn't know if she wants to go further. Even though a few days earlier she's saying and showing otherwise. I feel it was just nerves talking. So I kept my cool, held her and fouled around a bit then took her home. I went to the bar that night and had a few drinks. She starts texting me and in my stupid alcohol fueled rage I tell her how I want to progress this relationship, how I know she wants to and that I think she's afraid of her own feelings(I know this to be true). Now she's started ignoring me. Won't text me and when I do she seems fine for a bit then ignores me. In person she seems agitated when we talked. She kept looking over at me all class as I sat with a few really flirty chicks. She gets jealous easy.

Thanks for hearing my beta story and I was wondering, is there any way I can recover this? I don't normally like a chick as much as I do this one. But since she's and inexperienced virgin it's somewhat of a sticky situation. If I can get conversation flowing smoothly again I think I should be okay but she's clearly upset with me. I clearly called her out on her fears but i know she has fallen for me hard in the last month and I doubt she could lose interest in a week. Any advice?

Thanks again!

Keep flirting with other girls in front of her, she needs to know the relationship starting or stopping isn't in her complete control, don't do it obviously otherwise you'll just come off as a dick. If she ever says "I thought you liked me, why are you flirting with them?" say " you seemed uninterested and acted distant so I thought you weren't into me, was I wrong?".

Don't let her control you, next time if you do hang out, treat her like a friend and see if she initates anything, no kissing, no "intimate" hugging etc just normal friend hugs, if she throws a few IOI's take control and show 0 interest back. (Alot of guys out there will be thinking this is harsh, remember she basically did the same to him) See if she pursues or also shows 0 interest, if she doesn't show anything find someone else, even if she has feelings for you but hides them, the fact you ended it will give you the power if she ever does come back around.
Hope this helps,

Jake

Thank you Jake.

She's one of those girls who would rather shrink away than initiate anything. If I start flirting in front of her, she'll more than likely move to the mountains and buy lots of cats before she'd ask me whats up. This girl avoids conflict at all costs. She actually talked to me today, after I ran into her in private. I asked her whats up and why she's acting so odd. Basically told me she knows friends dont act like that together(cuddle, etc.) and indirectly confirmed that she's scared. She told me she needs time to process whatever it is she needs to before she goes on. Very odd girl.

I was thinking to just give the girl lots of space and see if she comes to me. She's not one to initiate after a rough patch but I figure its the only option. Either she makes a move or I move on. Think thats a good idea? Defiantly will start to flirt with the other HB in our class infront of her though. Pretty genius!

Don't be a dick and seem like you're doing it to hurt her in front of her, but do flirt with other girls in front of her. e.g. flirt with girls but don't do things like rub their leg or try to kiss them when you know she is looking, that will just make you seem like a dick. You basically need to establish in her mind that if she doesn't decide soon you will move on, you cannot just wait around fo rher to make her decision, you are desired by others and if she wants you she will have to show it. By flirting in front of her, it will 1. make her more attracted to you because you are pre-selected by other women and 2. make her decide quicker because she will see that you are not just going to wait around for her.

If you haven't already heard of it - Cat String Theory- a term coined by Mystery is when you want something you can't have, but as soon as you can have it whenever you want, you don't want it.

If you tell her you will wait til the end of the world for her (obviously you wouldn't just overexaggerating to make a point), then she will think she can have you whenever she wants and string out her decision making process and it will make you less attractive to her.

If shes not one to initate, then possibly say to her that you're not just going to wait until she decides as you don't want to wait around and at the end of it - get hurt, say I understand you need time, but I can't just put my life on hold until you decide.

If she likes you enough she will initiate whether thats before you move on or after, if you do move on and she sees you with other girls she will want you more.

Hope this Helps,

Jake

Thanks Jake, That helps a lot.



One other quick question for you. I rarely get any one-on-one time with this girl right now because she's a) pushing me away till she knows what to do(she's done this before) and b) a little hard to tell her this in a classroom full of people. It will upset her doing it so publicly. Do you think its appropriate to do it over text or something(she doesn't take calls)? Its either that or I wait god knows how long till I manage to get her alone again. Every time she goes over one of these almost in a relationship dilemmas she pulls back hard for a few weeks. The only thing I fear is that she will take that as a death sentence. She has this thing where when she falls for someone she pulls away hoping they will come after. She does this due to her own fears of her feelings. I'll do it anyways since these games need to end. But im fairly certain no matter how much she likes me she will take it as its 100% over, no going back.

You've been massively helpful. Kudos to you!

You can't keep letting her control the frame, if she usually gets guys by doing this and you let her "get" you the same way then you're no-one special to her, and once she has you she will have all the power.

By all means tell her by text if that's the main way you speak to her, but if you don't see her that much as it is then you will need to build up the time you see her anyway, otherwise it will turn into her saying "I can see you now" and you coming running. If you're always initiating conversation, ignore her until she texts you.

Main thing is to show you're not every other guy that will come running at her every beck and call. Build more attraction by text and try to meet up more in a neutral setting, don't make it feel like a date more like two friends hanging out otherwise she could freak again, build attraction, flirt with other girls, and make her do the work for once. I will say it once more- don't be every other guy.

I don't really have much advice for text game but I'm sure there are many posts on here that can help, generally I prefer face to face interaction as it is easier to connect

Hope this helps

Jake