Hello. I'm a serious newbie, almost 18 years old and haven't kissed a girl yet.
But anyways, I read the Newbie Mission, and I feel confident now, behind my keyboard, but I fear that once I'll go out there I'll surely make excuses of why I can't approach that woman and why I can't approach that woman. I don't know, from anything like "she's talking to her friend" to "what if someone who knows me sees me talking to her?", and "there's too many people around me, they'll see me talking to her" (as absurd as it sounds, this has been my main barrier so far).
Is there any way to "clean my head" of such thoughts, and just move my ass? My problem is that I'm rather a thinker than a doer.

Thanks.

two things I can recommend. Please realize what i'm about to say is not magic. And will take practice to get some sort of rhythm going.

First thing I can recommend are affirmations. Basically what it is, it reaffirms yourself of something. Depending on what you tell yourself. (if you have no idea what affirmations are. Let me know)

Second thing is start doing a bit of re framing. Acknowledge why you do these certain things and start from their. Also realize how their is a positive thought and a negative one that exists. Both of which are responsible for creating what we feel. Just like the quote. "Emotions do not exist. They are simply energy in motion trapped in our body. Generated by a single thought". With that said depending how you perceive a certain situation you will act accordingly. So rather being negative and saying "Omg... i really don't wanna take this freakin test today." Say this to yourself. "Man, I really can't wait to ace this test today! whoo! can't wait!!" So long as you make it sincere to yourself. You will see a hell of a difference in your attitude. That much I can guarantee

I have almost no idea what affirmations are. From what I understand, things you say to yourself until you really believe in them or something like that?

Basically I really do believe I look good and all (girls even hit on me from time to time and make eyes with me pretty often ). Anyways I'd be happy to hear some more about that.

My main (should I say, very irrational) barrier is "what if someone I know sees me talking to her and thinks I'm a weirdo/weird/a dork" or something like that. That's it, I just don't like being around many people, I think that's what my problem is. In the mall I've never even considered "hitting" on a girl, but at night time on a fairly quiet street, I had the gut to heavily consider starting a conversation with a girl, many times (still sounds lame though lol ).

Those thoughts are just delusions you are creating for yourself. It is a form of AA. Where your anxiety might be different from another individual. Such as myself. It is anxiety none the less, preventing you to perform a specific task. Ultimately, you are having problems expanding your comfort zone. Where your comfortable approaching in a certain scenario, but not in another one is when you know you, that you are having comfort zone issues. For instance, some people hate clubs. But once they go periodically and approach. They realize/ "Hey, It isn't so bad." After you expand your comfort zone. You will feel better. Guaranteed.

As for the affirmations. I highly recommend you talk to IwantEasyLove. He actually introduced me to affirmations. With that said. I will tell you my experience and research behind them.

Affirmations is something you tell yourself. So that you will eventually believe it. However, affirmations are best used to alter your behavior. By altering your behavior you can alter your habits. So if you affirm yourself that "I am a happy person." You will be in a brighter and positive mood. Which can allow you to do tedious things which you normally would not do. It is very important. That you focus more on the feeling then necessarily the actual word. We have two different type of thoughts. Cognitive and instinctive. Our cognitive thoughts are the thoughts that are primarily used to deduct a certain situation. Giving yourself reasoning whether to approach or not. While your instinctive thoughts are exactly what they are called. Instinctive, it's second hand. You don't really think. You just act, bluntly put. With that said. By focusing on the feeling rather then the actual 'word' it is more practicle. Due to the immense amount of cognitive thoughts happening per second. The average person processes over 60,000 thoughts in a day. And by trying to think positive and affirming yourself every second of each day can drive you mad. Also, once you are in that uncomfortable situation. The affirmations pop up like a record. Which makes you a bit more confident in that situation. Which in turn will change your behavior and probably your action in that scenario.


Even with all this said. It is still not a cure my friend. It is a tool that helps you power through a situation. But it won't perform the task at hand. That in the end, is up to you. As CaptainJack would put it. The only way to truly get over it is by jumping into that scary ass shark tank.

I know this is an old post, so it might be weird that I'm posting on it, but whatever.

Verite, I really like your idea of affirmation. Now that I think about it, it is something I have heard before and never really paid attention to. I am going to try to change that.

notepad, I completely understand your feeling of being worried about other people being around when you approach a girl. That used to be one of my biggest roadblocks (and still causes slight hesitation at times). The first time I finally approached a girl with other people around I was terrified. I had to pretty much give myself an inner pep-talk to get myself to do it. But I did it. And I got rejected (she had a boyfriend). As I was walking away I had no regrets. Yes I got rejected but I was proud of myself for finally taking that leap forward. It was a bit of a turning point for me. Now here's where it relates to what you are talking about:

As I was walking away, 4 guys came up behind me and started walking with me. I thought for sure they were gonna laugh at me and give me a hard time about it. I was wrong. They walked up and asked me if I was trying to hit on that girl. I said yes, and again I thought they were gonna give me a hard time. Wrong again. They immediately started giving me props talking about how hot she was and commending me for having the balls to go up to her and talk to her.

My point is, don't worry about the people around you. Some of them may try to act like assholes and laugh when you approach the girl but it doesn't matter. 1) She won't notice because she will be paying attention to you. 2) You won't notice because you will be paying attention to her. 3) They may be laughing on the outside but I GUARANTEE they are giving you props on the inside. Even if you fail miserably (which will happen sometimes), they are gonna respect that you had the balls to talk to her. And, honestly, if people laugh so what? You're the one talking to the hot girl. What are they doing? Watching from the sidelines wishing they had that kind of courage.

You got this, player.

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