Right guys need some advice if possible.

Quite lengthy so I’ll try and keep it concise, need any more info let me know.

I used to be like so many others an AFC but because I feel like I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with yet another girl I did a little reading and I am now 2 months in N close and K closing minimum every attempt so happy with the way I’m progressing but this girl is a sticking point for me. The girls im meeting just don't have anywhere near the same level of connection.

October 2011- May 2012 – Meet a girl called R, through a male friend J. Me and R hit it off straight away the first night we meet, have a great time, she’s in a LTR with J’s best male friend though (7 years at this point). When we are in taxi going home the first night we’ve met she gets out, walks round the car to my side, opens my door, gives me a kiss and says “I don’t know why, but I really, really like you, you are different, I haven’t met anybody like you in a long, long time” Because she has LTR and I’m AFC I don’t try or say anything to let her know I feel the same.

Through till May 2012 we randomly meet up with mutual friends in group settings and remain flirty, she is touchy feely with me but I never give her any Kino back as it seems pointless, she is in a LTR and I am an AFC.


June 2012- Bombshell, I am in a bar, sitting directly between R and her BF except that he is now her ex-bf. A mutual friend stands up and shouts out in front of everyone that it has been suggested (NOT BY R) that me and R are setup together. This is now very awkward, I’m getting killer looks from her ex on the chair next to me but she continues to be smiley but I’ve become awkward and anxious with this situation and stop talking to her. She tells me to keep talking to her; she wants me to talk to her. I say “no I don’t want to!” (DOH). So eventually she says “fine if you won’t speak to me I’ll go and sit somewhere else” which she does.

She then goes travelling for a few months which she had planned so I don’t see her again until Oct 2012 and I thought she might be funny with me because I was a bit weird last time we met but no, hit it off again, have a great, fun conversation. She is laughing a lot, telling me “ I am so very wrong but so very funny” I also notice that when I turn round to face her if I am talking to others she is already looking at me, smiles for 5 seconds or so then looks down at the table still smiling. Again I pussy out of asking her out.

See her again randomly in a bar a week later but I am DRUNK, she comes over for drinks with me but I am totally thrown by this, coupled with being drunk, the night is a disaster. She also is throwing loads of tests out (first thing she said when sitting next to me “Ok, pick up lines won’t work on me, some friendly advice, now go for it”) which I didn’t understand how to beat at the time so my confidence GOES! Less said about this night the better.

See her again 1 week later but she looks extremely hostile so we don’t speak really. Turns out this night was the 1st night she’d seen her ex and he was in the bar calling her a whore etc across the bar.

See her again a week later randomly, we get chatting, she apologizes for the hostile week and says was purely down to her ex, she chucks out some ioi’s again so I decide that I’m going to ask her out for drinks. She says “yes but I don’t want anything other than friendship at this point in my life from any man, you included. This doesn’t mean I’m pushing you away however” I say let’s just forget it as she obviously has some kind of issues hanging over her.

Nov 2012 until now she’s been very cold and distant the 4/5 times I’ve seen her, bitchy almost, so after the 2nd time of her being cold with me I then started to freeze her out when I saw her until the other night, again randomly bumped into her in bar. She comes over says hi, super friendly etc, then asks me to go and join her and her friends for a drink, she says there is a seat next to her that I can have but I decline politely as it’s late and I was genuinely just leaving. She says she’s going to the bathroom and that I should think on it, she comes out, asks me again, I politely decline again.

Do you guys think I ever had a chance here? I think I did but really messed it up but now it feels like she’s trying to play some kind of game with me. Can’t work out why she’s asking me to go and join her table with people I don’t know.

First I want to say that it's evident from your post that you revisit your interactions with this girl and reflect on your choices. That's great. IMO that is the best way of both getting better and making sure you don't make the same mistakes you have before.

To answer your question: Yes. Definitely. I'd say, depending on your own morals of course that you could've probably closed her the first night when she had a boyfriend. I'd bet you could have closed the night her boyfriend was sitting next to you, giving you the evil-eye.

Okay. So you blew the test, shit happens and had you passed them you and her would have had a really fun night, but I think you handled her hostility perfectly by not talking to her, trust me you don't want to be associated with those kinds of emotions. Maybe some would have taken her saying that she didn't want anything other than friendship as a test, but I would probably have been a gentleman about it like you did, it's fine to give her some space and the reason she wants you to sit with a bunch of people you don't know is that she likes you.

I'd say you've already had a lot of chances with this girl and to me it seems you still do. You had to go home, that happens. Next time you see her is another chance.

Good luck

_________________
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Like i say briefly, up until i failed her tests i felt really confident around her and in control but that night i was drunk was terrible. YOu could feel any attraction she had for me go out the window. So i ent out got a few books and watched some videos and now slowly getting better with women.

Theres a part of me that doesn't trust her behaviour if that makes sense though? She was really cold, we barely spoke for nearly 2 months and now shes the total opposite but like you say, i think i handled the coldness well. After all she's not the only woman in the world. Still saying this i can't help but wonder if she is trying to play me. I need to stop trying to figure out what goes on inside her head i think.

Well only way to find out is to ask her out again i guess. Never asked a girl out twice and i used to just let them put me in the friendzone and move on. Next time i see her in the bar we normally go to i will ask her for that drink and talk she offered me. If she says no i know she was just trying to play me for a fool and i will ditch her from my life.

Thanks

And that is exactly what you should do, you can question her motives, disbelief her intentions. You can tell yourself that you never had a chance or that she was just playing you, doing that is perfectly normal and something that mosts guys out there have done at some point, but here's the thing...

...until you go for that close, you'll never know.

Good luck out there.

_________________
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

Thanks again, hopefully i see her soon before any interest she may have redeveloped for me goes. I will not accept a wishy-washy answer from her like last time ("yea but..") she WILL give me a direct yes or no. Hopefully the former.

No problem mate, everyone on this site is here to help. Let's hope it's the former.

Good luck.

_________________
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

Sorry to bump this after so long but as expected i have not randomly bumped into this girl at all so good chance any attraction that was resparked has already gone again. However i know we are going to see the same live band on Monday but with different groups of friends.

Any advice on how i should play this if i see her? I regret not going to join her for a drink, i've got a feeling she's gonna be hostile.


EDIT - should point out that the reason i think she might be hostile is that our mutual female friend/her best friend, ( the one who suggestd it before) suggested to me that i get set up with R again when we were out clubbing about 2 weeks ago, like a drunk emotional fool i said "No, shes too much a drama queen" Ooops. Girls being girls this has no doubt been fed back to R

Her ex will be there in her group of friends although he is not an option for her anymore just feel it could be awkward.