I just went on a random second "date" with a girl to the beach at night, kino-ed but didn't kiss her yet weirdly, since I am usually a consistent kiss closer, but whatever, as long as I get it by the third I am usually good.

But anyway, more to the point, I had a lot of indian food and you know what that does! I was clenching my buttcheeks a lot which perhaps scuppered my escalation attempts since my mind was on not breaking wind in her presence. I occasionally diffused the situation by going away to use the toilet and then farting violently.

But have you guys encountered anything like this? What are your tactics for situations like this when something out of your control wants to come and ruin things on a date?

Hahaha!

I think my wife makes me fart! Like seriously...when I'm not with her I never need to fart then as soon as I'm near her my ass turns in to a wind farm. It used to really bother me and I'd always spend our dates with clenched buttocks!

I remember one time we where sleeping together and I really really needed to fart! I held it in and fell asleep. At some point in the night I turned away from her so she promptly proceeded to spoon me. She was the big spoon. Well I rewarded her romantic gesture by doing the biggest fart of my life on her! It was so violent it woke us both up!!

I started laughing hard but tried to hide it and she didn't say a thing.

Yea, when I was drinking weight gainer shakes it makes you fart like none other. And these are some foul-ass farts. Normally most people are immuned to their own brand, but I was even grossing myself out. You just gotta do what girls do and let it out slowly and quietly and pretend like you never fart.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Hahaha dude, that's hilarious, I can totally imagine that happening!

Anyways, the best thing is to just let it go, but don't push your cheeks together while doing so as it will be a loud fart. Just hope it won't smell too bad, since not all farts smell (Significantly)

LMFAO. Best thread ever.

Anyway. I've always had a bit of a gas problem. And now that I'm working out and changed my diet, I'm literally taking six shits a day and I've turned into a fart machine. So here are my headers:

1) Avoid milk, yogourt, and cheese for the day of a date. If you're lactose intolerant (most adults are), dairy products will definitely make you fart tons.
2) Starve yourself before your date. Go at least 4-6 hours without food and tough it out. If your body has nothing to digest, then obviously you won't need to fart.
3) Take a shit right before your date. This is a no-brainer.
4) If you follow headers 1-3, you should be able to eat a fair amount of food for your dinner date without needing to fart. Worst case scenario, just eat light.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I read a little book once... I think it was called "Worst Case Scenario Dating Guide" or something like that.

It had a section on farting when on a date. I recall the advice was to go the the bathroom, place paper towels on the floor. Get down on the floor on all fours, arse higher than your head, arch your back and then force the fart out.

I think I even did that a few times...seems to do the trick...give it a try. lol

I'll try and look it up again when I get home next.

Yes. Because getting on all fours to fart is a sure way of getting rid of gas. Seems legit.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Haha! Best thread ever!

I was with a girl at my place once and needed a dump REALLY urgently! Went to the bog & did the biggest dirty EVER, accompanied by the loudest & longest fart imaginable! The bathroom door was closed, but she must've heard! I couldn't contain myself, and just burst out laughing sitting on the throne!