Hey guys, im a 21 year old 4th year student at university, and I have had a relationship with my ex for about a year, who is also attending the same university as me. We had met through our social group and first met each other at a mutual friends party. My ex is originally an residence student, so she is living alone with other female roommates on the campus house and not from my city, while I live at home with my parents

Moving on, at the party where we had met, I had used my newly acquired methods of "picking up" and hit it off amazing with her, resulting in a pretty committed relationship down the road. IE. Flew out to her city, met her parents and vice versa, sharing the same social circle of friends, etc etc..

The fun part of this (as embarrassing as this may be) before I learned pick up that I was a virgin and never really had a real committed relationship, let alone had sex before. So I acquired my one-itis from this relationship and lost my virginity to her.

As time went on things were great as any good relationship would have offered. As we both really loved and cared for each other, and she and her friends thought I was a god of a boy friend (since I learned and educated on inner game, being alpha, etc)...Until things got cold much later down the road, to a point I knew something was wrong. Apparently she had lost feelings for me and couldn't offer the same amount of love that I was endlessly/consistently providing to her, as much as she wanted to and tried. Now the dilemma is that my ex was always one who "beats around the bush" and tends to keep quiet about certain things, so she did not have a easy way of telling me this and that she was unhappy. I quickly caught on, and needed to ask her if she could picture me with her in her future, and the answer was no. I was very upset and froze her out for sometime. Which lead into her coming back to me, and us establishing a random and unclear relationship in which we still continued to be sexual and what not. That in time came to be an ever colder moment in our overall relationship, where I could feel the unhappiness and loss of "spark" we shared, but I still had strong feelings for her as she was my 1st.

Time passed, and up till recently I had asked her if she wanted to end things, which she did. So we had broken up at that point. The feelings leading up to the break up were different, as I had never stopped loving her and she was emotionally done with me.

Today, it has been about 2 months since our break up back in November, she is already seeing a new man (which she had grown close to over the time things had been cold between us without me knowing). And in terms scars me to see and hear about. Losing your first girl to another man is very devastating, and in my case after doing my homework on how to deal with this situation, I had already messed up the first elements of the whole *NO CONTACT* sort of things. By still keeping in contact and essentially wanting her back. I had felt that I never received proper postive closure from her, as she had emotionally disposed and moved on from me long before I knew it, while I was stuck still grasping the fact we were done. And in terms I had explained how I felt and wanted her to know how I was feeling over a phone call in December while she was back in her city over the holidays.

*Here's my current stand point. I know its best for me to move on, and become a more aesthetic, handsome alpha fcking male. The break up was a shot heard around the world, so my entire social group knows the details and the in's & out's of it. So my choice is to be the best person I can be. Not only towards my friends and family, but more importantly for myself, by not hating and putting other people down and showing that I am over this.

Currently I have coped a little, but with her being my first I still have sexual and emotional feelings towards her, and have wondered if my ex and I can be friends again after a messy break up? given we associate with the same people and did share some awesome experiences together. Her new guy is not part of our social group, but a few of the group members know him. So there will be times where I will be in the same room as the two, but ill keep my cool and continue to be the life of the party and not show emotional signs of distress.

***Eventually it boils down to, I want to continue to have sex with her. In order to do so I would have to give this time for my emotions to settle, then attempt a new molded relationship with her starting off as friends and working from scratch to eventually escalate and build attraction with her and eventually use her for sex without becoming attached. Is this plan of mine possible while she has a new dude in her life at the moment? In the mean time I will continue to focus on school, meet new women, get over this!

Most of us have been there. I had a very very very very similar thing going on, so I will speak out of personal experience.
You will not be able to be friends with her.
You will not be able to see her with her new person.
You will not be able to chill while she is also there.
It's just too tough. I wanted the exact same things as you. Only after 6 months I was able to start casually having sex with her while dating other people. It's still tough now- I'll always look at her differently than at other girls. You have to throw her out of your life for at least some time. Delete her off your facebook, her number, and stop seeking visual contact with her. At least give her a chance to feel that things are different.
I can go deeper into this or if you need to say anything, PM me.
I'm not on my computer so it's hard to type more.

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OH.MY.GOD!

I've lived the same thing as you brothers up here... Life is hard as hell! And I totally agree with Pickwick. You can't be friend with her, nor see her. You have to CUT contacts with her, shut down everything. I know it hurts to do so and give up but it's better this way. Keeping an eye out on her will just hurt you MORE and for a LONGER time

I feel really bad for you man, i'm sorry that you lost that girl you loved so much...

And you know what? Reading all this way, I know it wasn't your fault!!! Don't put everything on you... This girl was definitely a "passion lover". What's a passion lover? Well, it's the kind of girl that wants to be attracted both sexually and emotionally to their boyfriend for the next 20+ years or they will need MORE and MORE and MORE. You can read more on the subject on Wikipedia...

Basically, the first 3 months in a relationship is like a "dream", both of you are PERFECT, no problem. After this for the next 5 months you discover some "problems", like one of you is ignorant about some things and it pisses off the other (which is TOTALLY normal). If you pass this stage, then 4 months later when you're at the stage of "am I still loving him/her?", this is what happened with her... After 1 year, it's the break or no-break basically.

Take me for example: i've been together with my GF for over 1 year and a half now and we got through this. Trust me, there was hard things in there, like her seeing her ex back (don't worry, she did nothing with her ex, this "ex" called me to tell me everything lol), like questioning her feelings for me (i dumped her and she was CRAWLING to get me back lol), etc.

The thing is that after 1 year, the guys are more "on earth" usually, and we know we still love that person even if she's not perfect, even if she's not the most gorgeous girl ever, even if she's ignorant about some things, even both of you guys aren't passionate that much anymore. There's a BIG difference between PASSION and LOVE. True love is loving someone even if there's a problem. Passion is loving someone TILL there's a problem.

It's bad to tell you but... This girl had PASSION for you, not LOVE.

By the way, YOU ARE A MAN, you can pass through this . The best way to do so is to go out with friends... You have no idea how many times i've cried in my friends' arms because of my actual girlfriend... No man has to be a MALE 24/7 just because it looks "good". To get things out, crying is the best way to do so hehe

Buddy, I hope you'll be better, I wish you luck & PM me if you'd like to talk to me, i'm always open for these things! I'll help you out till you get a lot better

Jean-michel :p
brother love yo <3 (nohomo) haha

I personally think that your desire to be fuck buddies with her is actually "I hope she falls in love with me again if we sleep together", I say this cuz it happened to me. And it led me nowhere.

I can't order you what to do, but my advice is if you want to get over her and forget her, you have to DELETE HER from your entire life, becouse as long as you see her or interact with her in any way you won't be able to forget her. Even if you move on and eventually bang her, you can easily reverse all the work you've put in to forget her by banging her, and be in that fucking boat of saddness, grief and scarcity again. I too lost a girl i loved, and the hardest thing to do for me was to actually admit to myself that i must give up all hopes of coming back together and move on and find new girls.

Wish you all the best!

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