its not possible to suppress emotions or swallow your vulnerable side without adverse effects (see Mystery's well documented neurosis).

surely a wuss would be afraid to show his vulnerable side. so how do you go about showing that you are pissed off and hurt without losing your sense of manliness.

i'm guessing the wuss would fly off the handle and shout and scream and throw accusations.

the more i'm thinking about this i dont want to talk to that girl i really like because she really pissed me off. she pissed me off for leading her on when she knew i liked her, im pissed off she kept me dangling by telling me she was scared to go out with me in case it went wrong instead of saying a clear cut 'im not interested', i'm pissed off she then proceeded to ignore me and cut me out of social events and im pissed off that despite having left our dept she still insists on coming back every 5 minutes to talk to her male afc 'buddies' all the while ignoring me which i find insensitive.

there is a work do tomorrow which everyone keeps asking me to go to but i dont want to see her cos im afraid i might say something i might regret. i like this girl a lot but she's just done too much for me to want to talk to her. even if she did it to test me and get a rise out of me, i just cant brush it under the carpet and act like nothing's happened.

Dude, this is like the third topic for the girl you claim not to have feelings anymore. I'm not judging or anything, we're all family here. But I think you should start by confessing primarily to yourself that you are indeed interested. It looks kinda obvious after the second topic.

As for the answer to the source of your problems, you are probably having deeper issues than this one girl. It's most probably about your own self. I feel like my alter ego created your account and now I'm answering you to understand myself better, since I've been and not so far from where you stand. The difference between you and me is that I know what my problem is, and I'm working to solve the issue. For my instance, I'm considering the possibility that I may have a porn addiction, and have chosen to withdraw from it. Scientifically, it really adds up. Perhaps you have a similar problem. Search "your brain on porn" on youtube. There are also ted talks for it and stuff, so do try.

In the end it all comes to self respect, fulfillment and similar issues, or you might put it as inner game. When you don't love yourself, everyone is going to see through it.

Start by admitting you still want this girl. I think everyone in the forum who has read your posts knows this already, so you're only kidding yourself (still no judgment). You're not really trying to show her you're no longer interested. You're actually trying to conceal your intentions. That is a lie and she's going to know. She'll see through your act at the smallest gesture you make in the subtlest shit test she'll put you through. She'll make a small remark, you'll think you've succeeded in making her feel like you don't want her anymore and think "Yeah, now she's interested. I should say something smart so she'll get the hint that I'm still available for her". And it doesn't even have to be an answer. She can almost smell it. So stop trying to put on different emotional clothes, and reshape what you are instead.

i do still like her. yes.

how do i reshape? how do i get closure on this girl?do i need to tell her this? i just want this nightmare to end.

Best thing you can do is consider this done and over with. Think of it like there's no way you can do to fix this. Make it an example of your old self failing, and how you need to change that.

As far as personal change, I think the PUA thing has changed me a lot. My advice would be to watch the PUA show from VH1, both seasons. Read The Game if you haven't already (you must). Read some body language books, my favorite is "Undercover Sex Signals". This will help you understand female mind, and it's not like movies and TV tell you. The person who knows the least about what's going on in a woman's mind is that specific woman herself. For you, it won't be such a mystery. It wasn't for me, until I've lost much of my self respect. So I'm working towards getting that back. If you can afford for yourself, have a decent paying job, you're as good to go as the next dude. Get some nice clothes, take care of yourself and your apartment. It's gonna show. Don't go ape shit on your own, take some examples. If you have a lot of money, hire a professional stylist and an interior decorator to help you with your clothes and living space. If you don't, just ask a few friends to help, check out some blogs about fashion and design options. It's all doable man, I know you have a job and I'm wishing I was in your position, believe me. It's easier for you than it is for me. I'm going to have to do the exact same things, but I can't afford that right now. Keep calm and PUA on.

3 routes to take IMO:

1) you tell her confidently how you feel, risk getting rejected majorly and move on. Psychologically you will get closure.

2) you rise above this and be the better man and have a good time without her. One girl is determining whether you go to an event or not? Please. Who is she? Also why do you like her when she's treated you like this? You are falling into her little games. How about you are the man and you are the only one who can control your reality. You decide what to do and what not to do. Fuck what she thinks. Don't take her shit one bit.

3) you do nothing and this goes on forever until the sun explodes.

I personally like option 1) and 2).

you think she is playing games?

Dude, you're still begging for the possibility of her being interested. I've been to this forum, and I usually hate when someone responds "Let her go" cuz I find it stupid, what good is PUA if I can't have that girl I want, right? Right...

In your case: WRONG. You are still swirling in the paralyzing situation you've put yourself into. You have to first develop yourself into a decently confident man. How old are you?

I'm sorry to say this but you won't evolve half a step if you don't let go of this girl YESTERDAY.

There is no way, zero chance, ultimately no possibility for you to get her in the present conditions. Why? You're not acting like a man. You might think "She's a nice person and would love me for what I am", well guess what, you're not what you are. This is probably what went on with every single guy on here, we didn't grow up to be the guys we're supposed to be, and at one point we realized it. Just like you did. And we tried to change it. It's like a disease, you have to cure it. It's not "who you are", it's who you are minus the social anxiety and awkwardness. You're probably a decent guy and she would love you for who you are, but -who you are- is only complete once you start fixing what's wrong.

So stop trying to mask the fucking symptoms and CURE THE FUCKING DISEASE!

It doesn't matter whether or not she is playing games. You can't control if she is so stop thinking about it. Focus on what you can control, which is taking action. So take action by either telling her or letting her go.

opted for number 2! had a good time. spent most of the night chatting to another girl from the dept.

thanks!