Hey guys,

Not sure how New Years affects PUA's who may have hit some speed bumps during the holidays, but in my case literally every single friend I have either has family coming down to visit and do a private New Years family kinda thing, or going out of town to see family (common in DC) Translation: No plans.

So here's the deal; I just started a new job.

This hot girl at work (I don't work directly with her in any way, I just see her in the kitchen, she introduced herself to me a week or so ago.

She's flirted w/ me in the kitchen a few times now, we IM every now and then just to shoot the shit. I IM'd her all nonchalantly today asking if we've had "the New Year's talk" yet she laughed and said she's going to Carnegie Library with some girlfriends, "you?"

I told her what was up and said I figured I'd just run it by her and see if she had any suggestions I might not've heard yet. I told her I'd never heard of Carnegie Library.

She sent me the link for the event; I told her it was something I could think about doing, and if I did that'd mean I'd actually know another soul in DC who was partying for NYE the traditional way.

I said I didn't want to be overbearing or anything, and said if I did go, would she introduce me around? She said "Sure, okay. I'm heading out now, ttyl!" And signed off a few minutes later.

I only replied w ttyl too, no more followup grilling today. You think she was just being nice and didnt really mean for me to take it as an invite to meet her friends, etc.?

Should I go for it? Be like, "Hey, I know some people are a little weird about making friends at work, but I figured it couldn't hurt to talk to use basically every avenue to make new friends" and tell her if it seems a bit much, that's totally cool.

Hell, the last girl I dated from work I didn't directly work with either and only made small talk in the kitchen and on our ways to our cars.

Of course at the orientation they showed us this ridiculous sexual harassment video where this guy just wouldn't take the hint. We've all seen them but this one was actually the funniest one I'd seen yet. He was making romantic propositions right there, cornering a girl in her office. She said flat out to him that she enjoyed working with him and doing good work, but she just wasn't interested like that. She came to work the next morning to a dozen roses on her desk with a card that said, "all it would take is one night to show you we belong together."

I've heard the whole "don't shit where you sleep" thing, but what do you think about this case?

Should I follow up with it and go for it?

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Pfffffffff . . . Guy . . .

After reading like the first 5 sentences I thought: "Okay, so, she flirted with you in the kitchen. Go ask her out and seal the deal. Case closed."

Then I thought: "But there must be some issue because it is so obvious that the case should have been resolved at this point, why is this guy still writing and not texting this chick or working or whatever . . ."

This is all "beta" behaviour, at least that's what people would say who believe in PUA. I just believe in meeting chicks who are ready for it and not messing up. However, you seem to think "Oh my what if I sexually harass, oh my she signs out of messenger maybe she doesn't mean it . . . Oh my, you know, some people can be a little weird at work sometimes . . . TOTALLY APOLOGETIC BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN DONE SOMETHING . . ."

Stop being such a whiny bitch. They show you one politically correct indoctrination video invented by feminists and all of a sudden your mind goes like WHOA. Man, seriously, you're supposed to be resistant to that shit. Not actually contemplate it.

Bud, I appreciate it, and I really do want someone to tell me I should be doing more. But have you ever had a high paying corporate job? In this economy? This is how you eat and drive that beamer, dude. The girl dynamics might not be any different, but if you see someone, umm, "released" from a company because he made a girl too uncomfortable; and in this economy. That's why I hesitate.

That's why I'm not rubbing up on her in the kitchen like "what's up yo?"

Anyway, I appreciate the concurrence that is indeed flirty behavior that should be acted on. Would you believe that this was the feedback I got from two neighbors/friends, who, for all I know, have only relied on clique-based dating:

"Don't know what to tell u. Tough call" &

"Sounds like she is being nice because you asked. If you go don't be overbearing. But doesn't mean you can't go."

Remember, These are guys who have been able to rely on clique-based relationships, as in, cliques formed early, early on, -as Zen-high school. But fuck it; they're my buds, they're telling me what they think is best.

Anymore thoughts? Is it creepy for me to login tomorrow and seal the deal?

Call me crazy, but I don't think you can treat the company kitchen like the normal club environment.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Pfffffff you sound like someone desperately clinging onto a desk like an office drone.

You have to live Epically. You know where I worked? At one of the most influential Parliaments on earth. And the things that go on there man, things with money, picking up trainees, sleeping with bosses . . . I documented everything carefully. If one day someone tries to pull something, some powerful folks and institutions will catch shrapnell.

Stop being a whiny bitch and seal the deal.

Okay, how's this for trying to seal the deal, just this morning!

Me [USA] [9:36 AM]:
Hey Nicole, sorry I was just catching you on your way out the door yesterday
thanks for shooting that link; that really looks like an event worth looking into!
Her [USA] [9:37 AM]:
Yeah no prob
haha also sorry i think i accidently just lync called you
Me [USA] [9:38 AM]:
I suppose I could roll into any place solo; so people are wierd about making friends at work; but I figure ppl should use every avenue they have to et ppl
yeah,, saw that, lol
so if you think it's inappropriate in any way about consulting w/ you on new year's stuff, def. let know
Her [USA] [9:43 AM]:
hey no, not a big deal at all, i just already have plans with my girlfriends, i hope you have fun
Me [USA] [9:44 AM]:
cool, you too!

- I had to not be overbearing, and if I followed up with a "do you think you have any friends that would like me?" Or something like that, it'd scream "Creep!"

Jeez, if this un-enthused response doesn't say "just not interested", I don't know what the fuck does. If she was, wouldn't she say something like, "but another time!" Or something like that?

Pushing further after this response just seems creepy I don't know, what do you guys think?

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Just don't think you've got what it takes to be PUA. And I say this knowing I don't believe in PUA.

Everything you wrote screams self-apologetic behaviour. As if your natural state is fear for panicky reactions, as if you are used to that. You should have acted as if it is totally natural to bond with people from work, and the implication would be that she would be a freak if she acted weird about it.

Actually this is better advice than this texting "game" merits.

Your analyses is correct - if she would have been interested she would have said at least "other time," and even "other time" usually amounts to nothing with girls if they don't give specific follow up details. So your text game amounted to less than nothing.

And asking for friends who would like you is something you should only do with a very close friend.

If that person was a very close friend, you wouldn't need to ask because you'd know those friends.

I think she just plain wasn't interested and is naturally bubbly/flirty (mixed messages all the time). And all of our IM'ing prior, I had to initiate. She said "yeah New Years can be hard to plan ha!"

Thanks for kicking a guy down who's making an honest effort.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Why this passive agression. If you know it all by yourself what she is like (bubbly and flirty), don't expect people on a forum (who don't know this girl) to know the situation better and advize you.

It's true that you are very apologetic. It's like this "thanks for kicking me down," instead of taking it like a man standing up straight. Has a little bit of whininess to it.

If you have a close friend - [1] you do not necessarily know all that persons friends - [2] not necessarily know which one of those friends is into you, as they probably won't tell you, but might have told the friend in question. They are primary connected to that friend and only secondarily to you. So it is likely that they confess their feelings to this friend while hiding them from you.

Above is common sense, what sort of company do you work for? Can't be THAT Epic.

No I just came to the conclusion that sheets be naturally flirty. etc after this morning's exchange.

The thanks for kicking comment was bc telling someone who's poured out his insecurities, that he doesn't have what it takes. Kind of douchey; I wouldn't give game feedback like that.

I work for a big management consulting firm; the effort to get this job took a little over a year and if I fuck this up, I won't get an opportunity like this again.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

To be honest I really don't think you have what it takes to be PUA, going by how you handled the text message. One needs to be endowed with an intuitive sense on how to handle conversations, even if they are texted based.

It's better to use your energies to make money and get girls that way.

I appreciate you coming by and posting, especially since you've been the only one providing feedback. But I've got to call BS on this whole response: "Not have what it takes"? "Having to be endowed, etc etc."

I thought this whole thing was about *learning*. Picking stuff up and adopting the right behaviors. For fucks sake, in the mid 90's when all of this really *was* underground; real poooah's were taking conference rooms full of software engineers and getting them laid.

I've been told I have game, from clear observations of others when I'm out at clubs. The past few months have just been, well, difficult.

Unless this is a "routine" for me to show that I have balls and will do what it takes to make this work.

Isn't t is whole thing predicated on debunking the myth, thanks to Neal Strauss, that "this is something you either have or don't"
And you would want those girls???!

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Can we all just stop and acknowledge for a second that there's actually a guy on a pickup forum giving this advice?

You know how fucked that is?!!

"This is something you either 'have or don't"?

"Worry about making the money first, then the girls will come?"?

Pssshhh, money won't help you for sheeee-at! You'd have no way to communicate it once you step into the club/wherever. If anything, money is an added burden if you want to go at it from that angle, "hey look at my watch."

Take that AFC shit back to PUAHate.com

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Hehe, thanks for these responses, I had to laugh, this added a little bit of fun to my day. I would say, not substantially though about 1% of the total fun I had this day. But still a small addition to it.

Just the way you respond all "stingy" and shit is pretty amusing. I'm just messing around with you buddy.

But seriously, the text game was totally crap.