Hi there.

First of all, forgive my bad english.

Despite the fact I have already done tons of approachs and read a lot about AA and picking up in general (one year and half on the game), I still suffer from an unbearable severe anxiety. And the worst thing is... not only on the field, but also at any place or situation. I even cannot focus properly on my job, and I have got a public relations supplementary one for obvious reasons, which I don't know if is actuallly a good idea.

One day I decided I had to approach any beautiful woman I would see, and since then, I'm always stressed, always "on the hunt", looking for targets. I cannot remember the last time I was relaxed for more than an hour.

The thing is, when I see someone I would like to fuck or know I have to approach her yes or yes... otherwise I feel terrible. Ironic enough, I have many girls numbers but still only got laid with one of them in a whole year. Yes, you have read it well. And yes, I have read texting game stuff. It doesn't matter, soon or later my stress destroys my chances. You don't know how it hurts. I feel miserable. Recently I have started with yoga to see if that helps.

I have reach a situation where I'm no longer that motivated to continue meeting girls, yet I still feel the URGE to do so. It's a fucking unpaid and incredibly demanding job and obsession. To just enjoy a bit, I need to gather with someone full of light (you know, that kind of person), or completely forget about my urges doing something else, which is not that easy at all. And when I started with this "personal development" sarging world, I did it with the goal of not only be good with woman, but also to be independant regarding them and reduce the damm fear.

Standard "kill AA missions" seems to be not enough for me. The fear goes out for a day, but the next day is there again. It's a fucking joke. During the last half and one year, I have had months where I went out and did game nearly the entire week. Now I cannot but feel frustrated, tired and sceptikal. Where are the results? Where are the girls? I didn't start this to get numbers, lol and random kisses from time to time.

Another issue. I'm currently going out only two days per week. However, I'm so fucking obssesed that the other days feel guilty. It's crazy. Sometimes I cannot even enjoy my friends company because the only thing I can think about is how to turn those numbers into sex, that blonde that is on the corner or which will be the next pub or disco I'll visit.

I think my main problem behind all this is that I'm 34 and the reason I started out with the sarging was because I felt "now or forget 19 to 24 years old girls forever." You know, before starting out on this lifestyle, I was an AFC of EPIC proportions. I had those extremly toxic thoughs "there're people who is either talented or very good looking and confident and that's all". I never, ever, had a girlfriend who I really strongly liked, felt atractted to. And I'm not terrible looking or something like that... so you get the picture.

The other subject: I have read several books and seen a buch of videos about pick up. The fundamentals are similar, but there also deep differences between authors of opposite schools. I mean, direct game vs. indirect game vs. natural game. How the hell to decide? Everytime I say to myself "Ok, let's focus on this method", I find myself changing my mind and mixing. And it's very difficult for me to do it properly, which sums up to my already really high anxiety.

I specially liked and paied attention to Vin di carlo, David X and some ideas and principles of Mystery. Now started with routines... I don't know if they are a good idea on the short term or even the long term (I bet you can end being too robotic, unable to enjoy the interactions, and in the short term they simply feel weird, you have to perform), but I'm giving them a try because I'm looking for ways to avoid getting out of thinks to say and also, to jump from one phase to the next. Anyway, I'm not against strategies, but often I feel an strong anger that push me to be direct in the sense of not hiding behind any tricks.

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In any case: I need to take some decisions and actions. The sooner the better. A month ago I got ill because of psycho-somatic issues. The doctor told me I wouldn't be able to endure the level of stress I'm currently suffering, so I really need help.

Oh, yeah, I already went to several different psychologists... not that helpful. To begin with, they are AFC's and don't understand the PUA mindset at all.

if you can, try and take a week or two off gaming. Don't go out or approach for that period, no rsd videos or articles etc. Do some other stuff and chill.

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"Once you learn to feel the fear and do it anyway, the outcomes will come."- 60yoc

My journal of adventures and escalation: time-to-go-for-the-kills-escalation-blo ... highlight=

I can't. If I do that, I feel unable to return to the game afterwards. It becomes very very difficult. Specially daygame. In fact, the only moment I felt more free of fear was when I was going out to sarge almost daily, but as you sure understand, I don't have the time do that all the year. Besides, it's incredibly energy consuming.

I think I'm gonna ask about the other subject on a separate topic.

This is one of those situations where hookers would do wonders I guess. To totally turn your mind away from pick up for a few weeks.

Surely you must have other things to do as well.

You sound like a totally obsessed person. Obsessed in two ways:

1 Obsessed with hunting girls

2 Obsessed with the "ooooh noooo I love this girl so much, I must totally bind her to me, what if she forgets about me, what if she loses her interest in me, I must act every second to prevent this!!"

Normally I will say that obsession is good because obsession is the key to perfection. In your case, if your whole life revolves around seducing girls only, then yeah, your life becomes crappy and who wants to spend time with a guy whose life is crappy...

I don't find any pleasure in get laid with hookers. It doesn't turn me on. Maybe because the thing I want the most is to be able to pick up girls from the beggining of the interaction to the end, and feel desired. Just the sexual intercourse is not enough. Besides, and this is very important, I would feel humilliated. I'm not less than them. I value myself sexually as much as I can eventually value them. In addition, I lack the money to enjoy that kind of lifestyle.

I have never been able to reach the point where 2 could happen. Quite the opposite. No matter I would liked the girl enough, I'd always lose interest on her in one week or less. And remember I was never able to fuck with the girls I found the hottest, which really makes me upset and sad.

Now, when I started with all this, I began motivated and happy, but it seems I'm only able to get numbers... and nightgame, specially in some venues, is really difficult. Do you find normal to be rejected 15 or 20 times and don't see a single indicator of attraction in the whole night? Come on... I'm fed of shit test. I hate to be forced to be witty so many times. The problem is some girls remarks or behaviours hurt me, and no neg or phrase in the world is useful if you are not able to even barely feel what you're saying. How to be "cocky and funny" when I feel emotionally needed, underaprecciated and sad after a bitch test? Please tell me how. You have to be a performer of Oscar level to communicate a neg or whatever properly when you're suffering.

You have to read a book by Soren Kierkegaard. You are the main character. Reading this book will help you understand yourself better.

"The figure of the aesthete in the first volume of Either-Or is an ironic portrayal of German romanticism, but it also draws on medieval characters as diverse as Don Juan, Ahasverus (the wandering Jew), and Faust. It finds its most sophisticated form in the author of “The Seducer's Diary”, the final section of Either-Or. Johannes the seducer is a reflective aesthete, who gains sensuous delight not so much from the act of seduction but from engineering the possibility of seduction. His real aim is the manipulation of people and situations in ways which generate interesting reflections in his own voyeuristic mind. The aesthetic perspective transforms quotidian dullness into a richly poetic world by whatever means it can. Sometimes the reflective aesthete will inject interest into a book by reading only the last third, or into a conversation by provoking a bore into an apoplectic fit so that he can see a bead of sweat form between the bore's eyes and run down his nose. That is, the aesthete uses artifice, arbitrariness, irony, and wilful imagination to recreate the world in his own image. The prime motivation for the aesthete is the transformation of the boring into the interesting.

This type of aestheticism is criticized from the point of view of ethics. It is seen to be emptily self-serving and escapist. It is a despairing means of avoiding commitment and responsibility. It fails to acknowledge one's social debt and communal existence. And it is self-deceiving insofar as it substitutes fantasies for actual states of affairs."

This is a severe psychological problem. You say you are completely obsessed with 'the hunt', and feel compelled to do it every day. This, to me, spells obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but I am not a psychologist.
I strongly recommend you try a psychologist again. It shouldn't matter that most psychologists don't know about pickup, because your problem has nothing to do with pickup, but with mental health. Even so, there are close ties between pickup and social psychology, so you might be able to find a psychologist who does know about the PUA community if that makes you more comfortable. Again, I strongly recommend you see a psychologist about your problems, because they will not resolve by themselves and the help you can receive via internet can be valuable, but is necessarily limited.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Some good suggestions and feedback so far. There's a clear internal conflict here. You have a lot of inner turmoil and demons that you are struggling with on a daily basis (who doesn't?) I think you feel pressured by getting older and you are depressed about and worried about not getting the results you want with the type of women you want. You know that sarging is the best way to get what you want, but you admit that you aren't very proficient at it. This only adds to the frustration, desperation, and sense of hopelessness.

One thing I would suggest is to vary your sarging. Do daygame and nightgame. Get on some online dating sites. Join some meetup groups or a sports teams. Talk to people who work in stores--just practice on them. Look up old friends on facebook, or random girls that have hot profiles. Send them a message and see what happens.

A major sticking point for a lot of people is falling into a comfort zone, not trying new things, and being slowed down by your own inertia. Continuing to sarge using the same methodology can become boring and inneffective. If you mix things up a bit then it becomes more fun, more exciting, and you get better results. But in order to do that you have to have a winning attitude and be upbeat about it. You can't be depressed, have limiting beliefs, or express a dismal outlook on life. The trick, if there is one, is to have a positive mindset and maintain that frame despite whatever results you encounter.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Thanks for your responses guys, most friends and people I know, when I tell them about sarging or see me in action, think I'm crazy. They're not PUAs after all.
Yep, you're right, absolutely. And the fact that some girls specifically point at that make it worse. "I don't want to talk with you, Mr.", "You're too old for me", this kind of comments, specially if they come with a tense or scary face, hurt and discourage me, and I can't react properly with a "cocky and funny" attitude and responses all the time. Moreover, as we know, your non verbal communication is more important than what you say, and many times I see it doesn't matter how witty or clever my response is.

And you miss something: even when I'm succesful at getting numbers, I'm more worried about the next effort I know I'll need to do the next sarging day(s), than anything. I see people that do sarging practically effortless, but of course they are people who don't have the same degree of internal conflict than me.

Isn't sarging supposed to be funny? But how you can have fun when so many girls react like if you were a serial killer or something like that, as a reflect of your anxiety and fear? Sometimes I need to "warm up" for hours and even then, is still rather difficult. Other times is easier, but you know, I see that the effort is much much bigger than the fun and the results, and I'm preoccupied about my stress level and my health.
I already do so.
Yes, I have noticed that. Using the same lines over and over again becomes tedious and ineffective. Not only that, also robotic. I miss the "magic" of the beggining. Now I see most girls as sexual objects, and I can picture why an interaction didn't work most times. Too bad being aware of the last don't use to be as helpful at it should.

It's easy to talk about to have a winning attitude and positive mindset despite the results, but the thing is, one year and a half is A LOT of time. I didn't expect advanced PUA results, not even intermediate's, but come on, at least a girlfriend or three or four girls to lay with from time to time each six months or the like. Do you know how many approachs and daunting experiences I have had?

Besides, honestly, and I don't mean to be rude or harsh, I'm losing respect for women. I see them predictable, very interested and not that bright. I don't believe they can be really "special" or able to see the best of you anymore. And David X is right, they lie all the fucking time.

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I don't know if there will be psychologist with PUA knowledge here at Madrid, Spain. I'll take a look, anyway.

Why do you think I'm that character, Mr. Marville?

Good thing that people are picking up all the lessons I described about inertia.

My posting here did something for the world!